^ 
..:CareBear:
I have discussed the matter with few scholars because I myself was very confused on this subject (sharing views on an online forum with both genders) and how does Islam address this Issue. I even left forums for sometime to first clear my understanding on this issue.
C'mon man....loosen up a little...you don't have to sound pious and profound all the time.
The original poster asked a simple and earthly question - "Can a girl and guy just be friends ?".
And you say --- "Only Allah knows".......while such answers sound impressive and is sure to provide you the applause you are seeking.........this answer does not make any sense in logical terms. So, please loosen up and don't play to the gallery.
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
ur gonna explain to us what logic is
my answer is yes
i know a guy, whom i consider my brother. i know him for the past 2 yrs now and my husband has also met him. it sounds unbelivable but we definitely r only friends, he respects me like a sister!
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
^ This brother-sister thing really irks me. A friend is a friend and that's it ... keeps things clear. behen bhai ka label kyon zaroori hota hei?
bilkul b zaroori nai hota... i gave a explanation that the level of relation which we share is LIKE A BROTHER n SISTER
to be honest i hate this label as well... thats y i said "HE IS MY FRIEND" who is "LIKE" a brother to me!!!!!!
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
I don't think that is possible but I will hold my views to myself. I have been at the bitter receiving end of the quintessential "woh tou mera bhai hei" line, and seen the premise crumble in a matter of days. But anyways. Lets leave it at that.
Regarding my first post. Well, I said it because I thought that for a Muslim the answer is very clear and obvious, from the Quran. All Muslims know what are the orders in terms of dealing with na-mehram.
Of course, my intentions were not to sound pious myself because I know most of the people on this forum are more pious than me. I just shared my sincere views which might be wrong. And if anyone thinks that I threw religion at the topic, then the reason is that I thought the topic starter is a Muslim and Muslims think of Islam to be "A complete way of life", not just something to consult only when in trouble. And the answer to this question has very clearly been given by Allah to all Muslims.
And I also understand how it is difficult for a non-Muslim to comprehend my reply, so I apologize if a non-Muslim thinks that my reply was also directed towards him.
And yes, Allah knows BEST ( I would say it because I might be wrong, and not for the purpose of showing myself to be more pious. Let Allah be the judge of my intentions and what I am seeking. Human beings have not yet invented any device which finds out anyone's intentions on an online forum)
WTF
just by negating half the humans from friendship you might be missing out on a lot of great friends
as sumbody already said it boils down to the way you've brought up if you grew up in a guys high school in pakistan with very little exposure to the opposite sex then obviously everytime you come close to one the radar in your pants goes ballistic
but if you grow up in conditions where you play and chill with girls since childhood then u can definitely be friends with them without thinking about how good your pole would feel in their hole
theres tonnes of guys and girls out there who are friends and justttt friends
Such fine language...
No it doesnt boil down to the way u've been brought up, bcos I know that my own circle of friends have become entangled with such matters, start off as friends, gravitate towards something more. I have grown up in a mixed environment and gone to a typical mixed school, college, uni, work environment etc.
At college i saw some messes that were created which started as boy girl just friends.
When at uni i only talked to boys for study purposes only, i didnt socialise with them bcos i didnt c the point, as I am a Muslim and sometimes some religious guidance makes sense, and to me this did, bcos I certainly did NOT intend on ending up with anyone from that place.
I am not saying that everytime a boy and girl are friends something has to happen. What I am saying however, is that EVERY boy girl platonic relationship has the POTENTIAL to lead to something else. Yes, people might add here that there is potential to lead to something else IF U LET IT HAPPEN, but being a Muslim and minding that hadith, I think the chances of it happening eventually are high.
ofcourse they can, i have many friends who are boys and i like them just as friends. some are good looking and attractive but i dont have feeling for them in THAT way. it really wears down to the way you have been brought up...
you dont have feelings for them but how do you know none of them have feelings for you :p think think
WTF
just by negating half the humans from friendship you might be missing out on a lot of great friends
as sumbody already said it boils down to the way you've brought up if you grew up in a guys high school in pakistan with very little exposure to the opposite sex then obviously everytime you come close to one the radar in your pants goes ballistic
but if you grow up in conditions where you play and chill with girls since childhood then u can definitely be friends with them without thinking about how good your pole would feel in their hole
theres tonnes of guys and girls out there who are friends and justttt friends
hmmm well I was brought up in a very mixed environment and so I disagree. From kindergarten to up until now (uni) I went to schools with girls and boys both. Now, please keep in mind this question is very general. Therefore, 2/20 cases could be rare but in most cases (average) it turns out that either the guy had or developed feelings for the girl or the girl had or developed feelings for the guy. So, in my opinion, it wouldn't be right to say that it depends on what kind of environment you grew up in.
Shikri, so I guess you weren't so right eh? people actually replied :p oooooooo
As a result, I would say just because threads had been opened on a topic in the past, we can't bury the topic for the rest of our lives :)
I was brought up in totally different environment, totally opposite to what I believe and practice now. The selection of our beliefs makes us, not our environment.
A good way to keep a check on our actions is to continuously relate them with actions of our ideal. For example, in this case the question to be answered is " Did my ideal himself had JUST female friends in his life or did he encourage it ?"
A useful technique of the devil is that he knows that you would never do something wrong if he says it directly to you, so he brings you to it slowly, step by step. First AssalamoAlaikum to na-mehram, then how are you ?, then a bit of chit chat........etc. I have seem most cases of Just friends ending in a disaster sooner or later, one way or the other. There is no "barakah" in a relationship forbidden by the ultimate lord. You and I don't know our body more than our creator, so let us follow the manual he has sent along with it.
The situation can be compared with the other examples in life, where we always start slowly thinking that we would be able maintain a balance. But after sometime step by step we move towards extreme.
In case of a smoker: "I am not a chain smoker. I just smoke once in while just for fun. I can leave it whenever I want".
But as the time passes, tensions increases due to economic and family problems, the amount of smoking also increases....
In case of a drinker: "I am not an addict drinker. I just have it once in a while with friends. It is disgusting to be over drunk and lose one's consciousness and respect". BUT after his mother or son dies, or he has a huge financial loss or an accident which ruins his career, he turns into an addict drinker.
*In case of a A person who watches movies: *"I just watch good movies without any vulgar language or immoral scenes". But as time passes he forgets his own words, as his definition of vulgarity changes with time...
In the end, the more we keep ourselves away from the fire, the more we increase the chances of saving ourselves from its heat. The following hadith helps a lot when we seek guidance for such topics.
[quote]
From an-Nu’maan ibn Basheer (radiyallaahu ‘anhu) who said that I heard Allaah’s Messenger (salallaahu ‘alaihi wa’sallam) say: That which is lawful is clear, and that which is forbidden is clear, and between them are doubtful matters about which many of the people have no knowledge. So whoever avoids doubtful matters saves his Religion and his honour, and whoever falls into doubtful matters falls into what is forbidden. Just like a shepherd who grazes (his sheep) near to a private pasture (of another), he will soon stray on to it. Indeed for every king there is a private preserve. Indeed the preserve of Allaah are those things which He has forbidden. Indeed there is a piece of flesh in the body which if it is good, then the whole body is good, but if it is corrupt then the whole body is corrupt. Indeed it is the heart. Reported by al-Bukharee (Eng. Trans. 1/44/no.49) and Muslim (Eng. Trans. 3/840/no.3882)
[/quote]
I kind of agree, i don’t agree with the bhan-bhai thing.
Anyways i think it is possible to be friends but I guess u’d have to impose some limits on them that u wudn’t on a female friend, like i can spend nights at a girls’ house, go shopping w her, share clothes etc…err i dont think that would work the same if she were a he. :halo:
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
Well, the "behen bhai" thing can be good or bad depending upon the reason for which people use it.
If a person's intentions of calling a person "behen" is to give a start to a conversation by giving the girl an impression that he has nothing wrong in his mind, but his intentions are to later convert this relationship into friendship. Then it is wrong"
On the other hand, if a girl says "Bhai" to a colleague with whom she has to deal with in daily life official matters, then this word helps a lot in giving him a clear message that she is not interested in a romantic relationship (dating) with him, so he should not think of trying for any such possibility.
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
maver...my answer to your question is...they shouldn't be.
Such fine language...
No it doesnt boil down to the way u've been brought up, bcos I know that my own circle of friends have become entangled with such matters, start off as friends, gravitate towards something more. I have grown up in a mixed environment and gone to a typical mixed school, college, uni, work environment etc.
At college i saw some messes that were created which started as boy girl just friends.
When at uni i only talked to boys for study purposes only, i didnt socialise with them bcos i didnt c the point, as I am a Muslim and sometimes some religious guidance makes sense, and to me this did, bcos I certainly did NOT intend on ending up with anyone from that place.
I am not saying that everytime a boy and girl are friends something has to happen. What I am saying however, is that EVERY boy girl platonic relationship has the POTENTIAL to lead to something else. Yes, people might add here that there is potential to lead to something else IF U LET IT HAPPEN, but being a Muslim and minding that hadith, I think the chances of it happening eventually are high.
Thank you for acknowledging that not everytime a guy and a girl are friends something will happen. That in itself should be enough for us to be open to such a relationship with the opposite sex. If you strictly want to follow a 1400 year old guideline/rule/threat then that is a completely different story and I wouldn't waste my time with it.
and I mean "Just Friends" nothing more.
?
Yeah they can. I am friends with tons of girls. My wife has tons of guy friends. No problems.
Re: Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
I wanna read STP’s post but its wayyyyy too long and I dont have patience. lol! 