Calling respect for young Pakistani men into question!

Lifestyle Relationships
1

For those who didn’t understand…once again, this was not MY story but a friend’s. Thanks for the responses but the thread is now closed.

2

:o sick

3

So based on accounts of a bad experience of one desi guy, you going to put the rest of them in the same cateogary??That seems pretty unfair and unreasonable to me, since we all know there are good and bad people in borh genders, all ethnicites, races and nationalities. The above comment seems very immature to me.

4

^Well, immature to you or not, that is my opinion to have if I so choose. It may be 'one' guy who is like this but how can anyone get to know other people with blinders on, having gone through this experience? It's not that easy because you begin to question future 'potentials' more closely and scrutinize them more due to an experience such as this. It's called being more careful.

5

Ira she said Pakistani not Desi. Sweetpie, tell you friend there are many Indian, Bangla, Sri Lankan, Bhutani Nepalese men out there...... Not to lose heart.

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Re: Calling respect for young Pakistani men into question!

thats the biggest mistake

7

More Pakistani men bashing, splendid. :rolleyes:

8

There are all different types of people in every city/country/race/religion.

Learn from a bad experience.Move on.

9

Matty, those aren’t olive-skinned. :rolleyes:

10

The date of this thread must be wrong. It can't be June 12. I swear I read exactly the same thing a year ago. Or may be about a dozen times already. Well, what do you know.... some things just don't change. :-)

11

** how can anyone trust anyone else even a little bit these days without knowing at least a little bit about their family background? **

You know family background doesn't necessarily tell you anything.

You know I feel the same way about people too. Not just cause of situations like you described but in general. I really don't know who I can trust or rely on when needed.

It's not just the fear of being with someone who's unfaithful ..they could be emotionally, verbally or physically abusive, or just plain selfish! I mean there are so many very serious negative qualities a person can have...

Everyone tends to be really super nice when they like you or want something from you. How can you ever know what people are really like?

I've had enough bad experiences over the years with just supposed friends. Even though I am now even more cautious then ever before about whom I allow to get close to me...there have still been a few times where people have let me down.

Interesting enough it's those times when I chose to ignore my own instincts that I was let down. Though I think I've gotten much better at seeing people for what they are... I always give them the benefit of the doubt.

You can't always be right. I would say definitely keep your past experiences in mind yet at the same time don't become so overcritical of even the smallest things ..you always have to look at the situation at hand and try and understand the other person's motivation or views.. you never know what someone maybe going though at the time... people don't always tell you everything about themselves even when they are opening up... and often have a reason for behaving the way they are .. maybe something is up...maybe not.

I would say if you find yourself constantly making excuses for the other person that is not good. If they cannot be straight forward and honest with you and either ignore you or try to avoid you also not good.

12

I say more power to you, we want all the apki girls to stop trusting us so we can all have eductaed, broad minded goriyan. At least if they meet some one who is dishonest, they do not start a soap opera about how they cannot trust any x( replace with Arab, balck, asian, white etc) men.

13

Great points raised, Waqas :k: I appreciate your candidness and the advice.

Responses to:

  1. You can never ever know for as long as you live how people are really like but there needs to be a level of trust right off the bat, no matter how minimal, for a mature relationship to grow.

  2. When getting to know someone in a relationship, ignoring certain instincts and letting one’s guard down a bit is the fair thing to do or else you’d always be on the person’s case but unfortunately and sadly enough it is usually in these same catch-22 situations that one is taken advantage of.

  3. It is also possible for the other person to never be honest with you since there was never the intent to be straightforward to start with; likewise, if months go by and things are still pretty much la-di-da despite your best efforts to bring them to the next level up, as you said, this is another red flag.