I would welcome suggestions from experienced parents on how to raise good muslim children who can practice Islam appropriately and represent our religion with balance.
I have 2 little daughters who are learning from example and association but some things need to be taught as well. Please feel free to give guidelines and your personal experiences, do’s and don’ts, ideas and sources of information.
Re: Calling muslim parents
I would love to read the responses on this question, as I myself have a young son, and hope to raise him well and proper, and instill good values/morals in him.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Seeing that nobody has answered yet, although I’m not a parent, I would just like to give my two cents on this topic. My stepmother had done a beautiful job in raising her children… Mashallah my younger sister and brother are very strict followers of Islam and ahve never felt the urge to conform to the lifestyle of their peers… The best thing is to lead by example. If you yourself do not pray, fast, coverup (if thats something you want your children to do), then chances are, your children wont either. When things go wrong, dont blame Allah. Alot of people during crisis say “Allah swt nay aisa kyun kiya, insaaf nai kiya” yada yada. Big no no. You’re teaching your kids to have faith in and trust Allah for He knows/does best, yet you yourself are complaining. Where is the sense in that?? 
There is a Hadith which says something along the lines of all of us being shepherds responsible for our flock. I dont remember the whole thing, but responsibility for our actions and and taking care of our children is basically the gist of it.
-It’s very important to take out at least an hour each day just to focus on Islam… narrate stories of the prophet (s.a.w.), teach new duas, or simply listen to/practice tilawat of the Holy Quran. Goodwordbooks.com has a great collection of Islamic books for youngsters. For Eid, we got my youngest brother the a-z of akhlaaq: moral value for children and he loved it! I highly recommend it to you as well. It’s a great site, and very reasonable prices, check it out!
-You shouldnt be superstrict to the point that it will just turn your kids away from religion, but dont be so easy either that they dont value any teachings at all. Its important to always create a balance. Explain to them, and encourage them to be proud of their faith… in this day and age with all the talk of terrorism and whatnot, kids can feel ashamed or may be misguided about what their religion really is. Instill confidence in them regarding this matter… correct their mistakes, but do so lovingly. Dont embarass them or belittle them… love, patience, kindness… it all goes a long way.
-Give them freedom, but not too much… and not so much freedom, that they lose all sense of morality. Compliment and acknowledge them for their good deeds… praise them or even reward them with little things when they complete a new surah, learn a new prayer, read namaz on their own… etc.. etc..
-Dont let them become so engrossed in material things is another major thing. Dont let them become greedy. Living in such hedonistic times, it is very hard to raise religious God-fearing children..I would say to just encourage moderation in everything.
-If they do something wrong, dont shun them, or treat them like outcasts. Rather reason with them why what they did is wrong/bad/sinful etc. Another thing is, dont instill fear in them for Allah… rather awe and love. Sometimes parents tell kids such fearful stories.. like if you lie, your tongue will turn black… or Allah Mian is watching, dont do bad things, otherwise such and such will happen in Hell to you. Thats not cool..
Thats all I can think of right now, and I’m sure parents have much better personal examples but I just wanted to give my opinion as well.
May Allah bless us all with righteous and steadfast children and aid us in cultivating them with Islamic attributes. Ameen.
Sorry I know its not very organized just typed everything as it came to mind, hope it makes sense.
Re: Calling muslim parents
The best way to raise kids oveseas is firstly always put them in a multicultural school. They have to fit in the country of their adoption.
The critical test for parents is to teach them your religion with emphasis on being a good citizen with virtues of fairness, truth & honesty.
Re: Calling muslim parents
WOW Sabriya, all that came from YOU?!?!?! That's awesome. Never seen (read?) this side of you before, really surprised to hear you talk like a wise old woman. You're usually talking about love and relationships and all that other dear diary stuff :D.
No seriously, ^ is a compliment, adds a lot of dimension to your GS character.
Re: Calling muslim parents
I cant say too much since we dont have kids yet. But i think my husband has the right mindset : he believes that kids learn alot from us and it is our responsibility to be good Muslims not only for ourselves but for them as well. For example, he wants to send the kids to an islamic school, take them to masjid whenever we can, get them involved with the islamic way of life, etc. The rest of the fine points i dont know how we wil handle, i guess we will cross that bridge when we get there ( iam talking about "mommy why do i wear a hijab, or why dont we celebrate christmas etc" kinda questions). I do know one thing that i dont want the kids to think they are better tahn everyone else and everyone else around them is wrong in terms of religion. I want them to as diverse as possible both culturally and religiously and be tolerant of others while following their own religion. I hope that made sense.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Wow. Thank you everyone.
Sabriya, that was great advice, and I totally agree with the idea that we need to spend time educating the kids on a consistent basis while setting the right example for them to follow as well.
I will check out the link you mentioned for some more books.
Thanks.
Ira, the suggestion about the Masjid is great. We have recently started taking the kids to the masjid more frequently. Not only does that make them familiar with the Islamic environment, it also exposes them to the manners and etiquettes, and social structure of our community. Thanks.
Malhot, yes kids should grow up with tolerance for diversity while having the freedom to practice their own religion. Thanks.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Hehe, there’s more than meets the eye. Thanks for the compliment
Re: Calling muslim parents
I would welcome suggestions from experienced parents on how to raise good muslim children who can practice Islam appropriately and represent our religion with balance.
I have 2 little daughters who are learning from example and association but some things need to be taught as well. Please feel free to give guidelines and your personal experiences, do's and don'ts, ideas and sources of information.
:)
I don't know about raising children as good muslims, but as far as general raising is concerned I think the best gift you can give to them is the ability of being confident in life. I know its a bit off topic, but something to consider.
Re: Calling muslim parents
I don't know about raising children as good muslims, but as far as general raising is concerned I think the best gift you can give to them is the ability of being confident in life. I know its a bit off topic, but something to consider.
That makes sense. After all, kids look for security at all levels. And confidence in various aspects of life shows stability which in turn is a reflection of security.
Thanks Arshad bhai!
Re: Calling muslim parents
Generally speaking, try to instill in them good habits, behaviour, manners etc when they're young. Too often desi parents think, well they're just kids, they'll get better on their own when they grow up. I dont think that works.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Security implies being financially stable. Although that may be a factor in helping children become confident, I think love, respect and giving them independence of action and thought makes them confident. Nurturing has a big part to play in making them confident and positive individuals. Instead of being fearful of the world they should view it as an opportunity and be risk takers.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Security implies being financially stable. Although that may be a factor in helping children become confident, I think love, respect and giving them independence of action and thought makes them confident. Nurturing has a big part to play in making them confident and positive individuals. Instead of being fearful of the world they should view it as an opportunity and be risk takers.
Well, security also pertains to emotional needs. Often, children who are not given enough attention or postive affirmation grow up to be insecure about themselves and their capabilities. Also, security in form of relationships...children need to know that parents love is unconditional. These are also forms of security other than the financial aspect.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Thanks Sabriya for such a nice post…
Niksik…for muslim children it is important to teach them Arabic from young age so they can understand their religion with a better understanding when they grow up, here are some good sites that I use for muslim children.
http://www.islamicplayground.com/scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=22
Re: Calling muslim parents
Oh thanks so much Hareem. I really appreciate that.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Teaching children to pray namaaz five times a day is very important. This way they'll learn to do wuzu, keep themself 'paak' (clean), pray to Allah directly if some difficulty arise, learn surats from Quran, praying together brings the family close and many more benefits are there.
I try my best that my daughters and I pray namaaz together. I think it is one of the best way of bringing them closer to Islam. Once they have a habit of praying namaaz then no matter where they go, they'll always pray and InshaAllah it'll keep them on track.
Re: Calling muslim parents
Teaching children to pray namaaz five times a day is very important. This way they'll learn to do wuzu, keep themself 'paak' (clean), pray to Allah directly if some difficulty arise, learn surats from Quran, praying together brings the family close and many more benefits are there. I try my best that my daughters and I pray namaaz together. I think it is one of the best way of bringing them closer to Islam. Once they have a habit of praying namaaz then no matter where they go, they'll always pray and InshaAllah it'll keep them on track.
So true. My daughters also try to be around us when we pray and read Quran. In fact the older one loves to go for her Quran lessons. The little one tags along.
Re: Calling muslim parents
In addition to what Sabriya786 sister said, I would like to emphasise on few points:
NEVER use a shortcut in teaching them manners. Act according to their psychology, be hard on yourself and soft on them. Be patient, be a practical example for them as action speaks louder than words.
Always mention **"Allah" **in your talk. This would soften their hearts and rise Love of obedience and fear of punishment of Allah (swt).
Repitition has magical effects. They should be reminded regularly " Allah (swt) is watching whatever you say and do"
Explaining attributes of Allah (swt) helps in strengthening "Imaan" in their hearts, which easily leads to good words and actions, without much efforts.
Re: Calling muslim parents
In addition to what Sabriya786 sister said, I would like to emphasise on few points:
NEVER use a shortcut in teaching them manners. Act according to their psychology, be hard on yourself and soft on them. Be patient, be a practical example for them as action speaks louder than words.
Always mention **"Allah" **in your talk. This would soften their hearts and rise Love of obedience and fear of punishment of Allah (swt).
Repitition has magical effects. They should be reminded regularly " Allah (swt) is watching whatever you say and do"
Explaining attributes of Allah (swt) helps in strengthening "Imaan" in their hearts, which easily leads to good words and actions, without much efforts.
JazaakAllah STP bhai.
Those are great tips.
Re: Calling muslim parents
^ JazakAllah Khair Niksik sister for the kind words of encouragement. I heard that in a hadith that Allah (swt) never rejects the prayers of parents for their children, also the heart of every human is in the control of Allah and Allah (swt) can tilt it whichever way Allah (swt) wants, through prayers of sincere people. So pray a lot for your children and you would see a change in them as they grow. (InshaAllah)