Re: Calling all the romantics out there
I think Bobby’s right in that sometimes giving space is better than bending over backwards. And that can be hard to do…especially if you’re the kind of person that can’t stand any tension and wants to smooth things over as quickly as possible…and I can be like that with those that I love. And I have to remind myself that you have to give the other person some room to calm down. That space also allows you to think/assess the situation more clearly.
I find it worrying that he told you not to give up. You know him better than me, but to me that reads as him wanting you to exert all your efforts into winning him over while he takes it easy. I don’t know what offense you committed, but if your effusive gushing/expressions of love are not working that well…then try the opposite…give him some room. Why repeat more and more of the same strategy if it doesn’t appear to be working? And bobby’s suggestion might even be more helpful because it’s coming from the male perspective…and your husband …is …well…a male, lol. So, give it some thought.
You don’t have to ignore him. He knows that you’ve apologized. And it’s understandable that it can take some time to for the other person to come around, but it shouldn’t have to be soo difficult to where you are uncertain about how he feels about you. Human nature is such that when the other person knows that we are always available and so vested in them that our world revolves around them…they begin to take us for granted. I’ve seen this in not only male-female relations, but even relations of the same gender, even between family members, heck even with children. Human nature is hard to fight, OP. Focus on you for a change…take time out for yourself…and do the things that you enjoy…without him. So, that he can see that you’re an independent woman… ..and also so that he has a chance to miss you. It will also maintain your self-respect and dignity because you won’t come across as desperate. This is a common mistake that women make…in our eyes we see our actions as loving, and beautiful, tender, etc. But to the other person, it can come across as annoying, stifling, desperate even. And since we can’t get inside the other person’s head, we can’t see how they view us…if that makes sense. And the other person may not admit it either. Again, I’m not suggesting that you ignore him, just don’t be all over him either…cuz it’s cruel to tell your wife that she shouldn’t give up while you make her feel uncertain about the marriage and where she stands with you. Love is expressed in different ways; it’s not necessary that “I love you” be said often and consistently in order to feel loved and actions speak louder than words. His actions should consistently reflect respect and care for you…it shouldn’t be erratic to where he’s nice one day and cold the next. Setting rules (saying i love you daily, etc) can get exhausting after a point imo, so have some flexibility. I don’t get hugged by my parents every day…but do I know they love me? Of course.
No worldly blessing of yours is permanent…whether it’s your career, your relations, your youth, fame, etc. Your loved ones can move away, die, betray you, etc etc. You should nurture your relationships, but don’t make them your dunya or your sole purpose of living/breathing…cuz that’s not why any of us were created. Continue praying, especially recite istighfar and darood in abundance, but along with being a caring wife… Try giving him some space.
