(I made a little change in this joke)
THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE NEW ANSWERING SERVICE RECENTLY INSTALLED AT THE MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE:
'Hello, and welcome to the mental health hot line.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you now.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press
no one will answer anyway. Hope you are happy to know this sad news!