I recently came to know that my dear husband has applied for a hajj this year with his sister,bil and khala. He had already applied and TOLD me that he already did it and since he FELT that both the boys are too young to either be left back home with their nani/dadi or to be taken along,so he is going alone filhaal ! ( he told about my sil going for hajj few months ago and asked if we could go too and i said ‘bachchay chotay hain, kaisay jayengay’ and it was not a serious planning/discussion at all so I didnt care much) I was very upset actually because i thought we were meant to do it together. He had some issues with his injured knee ligament since few years and his explanation is that since he can still manage walking and all with this injury,so he wants to get done with it asap AND he says he will definitely plan out another one in few years for me ! ( will the knee get better with time? :-/ )
I know islamically he is NOT responsible for my hajj, if he does, it will be out of courtesy AND I shouldnot stop him from planning for such an important thing but deep inside I am really not happy about the decision. The applications are still under process and he tried to explain that he is not even sure if it will be approved but I feel even if he goes or not, I will never get out of the thought that he decided to go alone !! I cannot act normal with him since he told me about it but I dont want to create unrest bringing this up everytime.. am I really wrong ? I feel so nadz-y nadz-y
proto, if I were you, I would let him go alone or with his family, his reasons about his knee are reasonable and your kids are young too. Would you feel at ease leaving the kids behind ? I think we females have to sacrifice a lot and this is just one of it. Yes in a few years make him take you along and to be honest, let him experience it once and next time he will be more experience and you guys will have more of it together. Hope it makes sense ... hugs
Pick your battles Prototype. What he did was wrong, I fully agree. Simply because I feel a husband and wife need to be on the same page on most major choices and at least fully updated. This goes both ways. From that point of view I do believe it is wrong. What is done is done however, and I would advise you not to argue on this matter at all because of the sacred nature of the trip. Perhaps Allah will reward you for your patience in the form of the application not coming through. If it DOES come through, it means in my opinion that Allah has chosen to call him for hajj now, and as a good muslim you appreciate that I am sure. Leave it to Allah, that is the best advice I feel at the moment because either way, you are in a win win situation. ONCE he is back, you can sit down and discuss after suitable time that he should tell you things beforehand as is your right..he will be more amenable to listening at that time as well..
Yes, he should have more sense than to pick up and go with sister,bil, and khala, instead of you. That too without telling you before filling out the paper work. My father did the same EXACT thing to my mom, and it's been 20+ years and she has yet to do Hijj. Major fail from my father, as it is with your husband.
But you will never win, I will tell you that now. Some men just are not able to comprehend the responsibility they hold in their hands for their wives. So understand this fact about your husband, and some how such things wont matter much anymore. iA' ALLAH will develop a path just for you, and you will iA' go to Hajj, and I have the same prayer for my mom.
My dua is that I am my mothers path, when me and my hubby to be go to Hajj, I want her to go along with me. Plus she's much older now, so she'll need me there.
The advice given has been good and I guess I agree with it. If it makes you feel better, maybe you can talk to him about this and let him know that you always imagined doing this with him but if he wishes to go with his sister and mother, its fine.
Whatever you do, try not to hold a grudge...it just builds into resentment later on.
i dont think a single incident should make you so disillusioned about him. many guys take hajj more as a religious, spiritual obligation than a couple tour. you might have a better idea how good and cooperative a husband he is otherwise. It will be greater of you to accept the situation as it is whole heartedly and let him go with your willingness and his peace of mind otherwise he will remain disturbed maybe during all of this holy offering. if he does what he says insha Allah he will take you in a few years too. A good wife is one who UNDERSTANDS, more than any any thing else. I hope you understand him at it.
Yes, he should have thought about you before making plans. Yes he should have discussed with your before putting in application but now that it all has happened already, best reaction would be to let him your know about your disappointment and let it go. Hajj is such matter, you dont want him to be distracted.
My dada used to to say, k "jub tak wahaan sai (Makkah/Madina sai) bulawa na aa-jayee koi ja nahi sakta aur jub bulawa aa jayee tu koi ruk nahi sakta" -
He wouldn't have been able to go with you because of the kids.........just because he didn't get your approval before applying...you are holding a grudge.......
it would've been different if he had preferred them over you............just be mature and pray that they do it...and come back safely and that you can go with him later on.......
honestly yes I will be very disappointed.. It's not a couple tour as mirage mentioned but it's something that if a couple can do together, they must.. I went for umrah with my husband and that was the best thing that ever happened to us.. it brought us closer religiously,spiritually, and emotionally..and yes we did it before we planned kids for the very same reason!!
call for fight.. no, not really.. BUT your feelings need to be communicated otherwise you will resent him for long and he will not be able to the full justice to his holy journey..good luck and inshaAllah you will get to go soon.. my mom says exactly the same thing as Decent mentioned so hang in there :)
I always persuaded my husband to perform hajj as soon as is possible for us...once he mentioned that he thinks I'd be upset if he goes alone and it wasn't possible for us to go together as we lived in germany at that time and kids were very young...but i told him that i'd be ok if he goes without me as i have a reason to stay back but he hasn't. so he performed his hajj in 2004 coincidently with his sister and bil :)...my daughter was hardly an year old at that time so i couldn't join. But I'm sooooo thankful to Almighty and then to my husband who always had it as a top priority after his hajj, to take me for hajj as soon as possible and Alhamdulillah we went together in 2009....
I'd say let him go and don't make an issue out of it....no one would be able to stop you when it's the right time for you to go, inshaAllah
well for one, he should have told you about his plans before applying on his own.
two, hajj is not something that one day you decide that you will go, and then go. its an invitation from Allah SWT. If you're husband is one of the blessed ones that gets the invite, it's not something that you should be angry about - but honoured. Having someone that you love so much and vice versa, praying for you at the House of Allah, is indeed a blessing.
And Inshallah, by the time you go for Hajj with your husband, it would be easier for you, since he would have alreayd performed the duties and rights of the Hajj previously and this will aid you tremondously.
Well just so you feel a little better - you also get a lot of reward for letting him go and staying back to take care of your children and home. Hopefully with dua's you two will get another oppurtunity to go again.
you mentioned that you dont want to go for Hajj because children need you.
Just let him go and dont need to fight.
at the same time, you will get some reward of patience.
I agree with most of the people here but what I don't understand is that are your children only your responsibility ? would he have agreed if you had taken same decision leaving children with him for performing Hajj ? I don't know about you but I have one toddler and it's not easy to take care of children alone he is as much responsible as you , who would take care of you and children when he will be gone ? plus as far as I know you are not required to do Hajj with major responsibilities and obligations being left unfulfilled !
Like others said let him go because it's Hajj that he is going for. I assume that he has applied for govt quota hajj which will be of more than 40 days period ...quite long !
I agree with most of the people here but what I don't understand is that are your children only your responsibility ? would he have agreed if you had taken same decision leaving children with him for performing Hajj ?
plus as far as I know you are not required to do Hajj with major responsibilities and obligations being left unfulfilled !
Prototype, I know how you feel about not going and feeling left out but you made your choice when you told him you couldn't because of your kids.
This may sound a little harsh but you can never tell with life. How can you be sure that he would be able to go for Hajj in the future if he delays it for you right now. If he has the means and the health , it becomes Fard on him. What if God forbid he doesn't have that tomorrow. You'll regret not letting him go now.
Inshallah Allah swt will make way for you if you really want to go. It's about your intentions. Meanwhile let him go without making a big deal about it. :)
The actual Sawab, you know, is giving up your will for the one of Allah's. And when its about such holy pilgrimages, like Umrah and Hujj. I have this firm faith you will be hazir there when you have this call. If your husband is going to have it this year. MASHA ALLAH. People collect paisa paisa and aim for this holy journey and their financial pressure doesnt allow them until they have all the other mandatory responsibilities (like serving their parents, arranging marriages for the siblings, then feeding, educating kids until they grow up and have a life of their own. But by then, they get too old for it. And sometimes they take this craving to the grave. I would rather Allah turns such sacrifices into 101 Hujjs for them. And then there are others. Those who play with money and the money wings can fly everywhere. Remember You heard Musharaff climbed the roof of Kaaba and called Azan there? (Im not sure just heard it happened). So was his and the people like him's Umrahs and Hujjs maqbool? Ok may be, we never know.
The point it, what is Hujj? A spiritual journey. Not simply climbing over the distance and perform formalities. If your happy in Allah's will and count on Him, you have your heart pure of the gila you might have for any one, especially the one Allah appointed as your guardian and master (your husband), im afraid if He is likely to be happy we do 1000 namaz, umrahs and hujjs.
Cheer up. When its your turn, Allah is going to bless you with this bounty soon.
