What do you guys make of people who were once not that ‘good’ e.g. they used to drink, they used to hang out with the wrong crowd etc etc.
But now they have grown up, now they have changed, not because of you, for their own reasons or just by maturing.
Could you ignore their past? Would it bother you? or would respect their honesty with you?
This can be a friendly or romantic situation.
Re: But he’s changed now!
My SO was like this.. I’ve chosen to overlook it.. Doesn’t bother me as long as it stays in the past..
Re: But he’s changed now!
It depends on the person. Some really seem mature, thoughtful, reflective and balanced, and I would totally be happy with that.
Others are the type that go from one extreme to the other, and TALK about how changed they are; I find that unstable and unreliable.
Re: But he’s changed now!
I will tell you exactly how I feel about such people:
When it comes to friends:
-I would ignore their past completely. The way they treat me in the present is what matters most. So just because they had an unreasonably disturbing past I would never hold it against them at all, and would see them for who they are now.
In a romantic situation:
-I wouldn’t want to be judgemental and be rude to someone because of the fact that they had a bad past. But in some situations, I seriously think I would not want them to be a potential-spouse. For instance, if a guy has a long history with women (slept around with them, had many girlfriends, etc), I would be highly uncomfortable and bothered by this. I would respect their honesty indeed but I would not want them to be a possible-match with me. That’s because I believe in the idea of a pious person for another pious one. I have a pure past and so I would want my future husband to have one as well.
-Also I’ve of heard situations when men would be going back to their old behaviour. I would have fear of that. That a guy who was so used to women (and was a player), would be unfaithful to me after we got married. I’ve seen this happen.
Re: But he’s changed now!
Past is no more… People can change ! It’s what’s now that counts…
Re: But he’s changed now!
If the foundation is rotten the building would be weak.
But he’s changed now!
Things stay in the past because that’s what they are - the past! If you’re forever worrying about the past you won’t be able to move on into the future! As long as I could trust the person the past wouldn’t matter!
Re: But he’s changed now!
Personality traits are normally hard to change. Past actions are different, but if a person is, for example, selfish or self-absorbed, that won’t change even if they become a saint.
Re: But he’s changed now!
op: Give him chance.
Re: But he’s changed now!
People change. My 21 year old self was soooo different from my 27 year old self and sometimes I look back on the things that I did and actually shake my head. Luckily I’ve been with my SO since I was 21 and he’s seen the change and he’s changed as well over the years… I guess it’s called maturing LOL.
I’m not a particularily judgemental person, so if someone has made a change in their life for the better, I tend to be more impressed than look down on what they did when they were younger.
It really depends on their past. If the person killed someone then I really couldn’t ignore it but if they spent one too many nights hung over the toilet, completely trashed, then whatevs, not a big deal.
Re: But he’s changed now!
Ppl change and I’m a firm believer in that… As long as the person in question is sincere and it shows. Otherwise, better off not being around them.
Re: But he’s changed now!
Everyone deserves a 2nd chance…
Re: But he’s changed now!
Hate the sin not the sinner…of course someone can improve..
Re: But he’s changed now!
ppl change .. but .. the nature does not.
btw .. i am back here after ages .. like 7-8 years .. there used to be golden Scorpio / Black Mamba / Shoaib Akhter / sharti bacha / cheegum / Ace One / Hania / Ghazal kisi ki / disco duck / churail / .. lot many… i remember khawateen as well…and philanthropist
Do there ppl visit this place anymore?
Re: But he’s changed now!
Cheegum is still around and ofcourse khawateen. Don’t recognize anyone else.
Re: But he’s changed now!
back
Re: But he’s changed now!
i cant see myself being involved with someone with a bad/wild past ie drinking, sleeping around… But i also understand that people change. I would be very very apprehensive. I too believe that a chaste person should deserve a chaste partner.
Re: But he’s changed now!
Cheegum is here but restricted mainly to blogs 
Re: But he’s changed now!
No in the case of humins.
Us humins have the incredible ability to change under will and circumstances, motivation and desire. I respect people who understand the need to change, and then do (for the better of course)!
Re: But he’s changed now!
I disagree.
There are somethings once a man does forever change his character and personality. There are some doors that should never be opened and once opened can not be closed. Murder, abuse, rape etc. Once a man hits a woman that will never change. He has opened that door and he can never close it.
Regardless of the age and times a man is defined by his moral convictions. A man can stop drinking, stop hanging out with loose women, become a pious great Muslim. However the inner struggle he has is not one everybody gets to see. A man is defined by his actions and his duties. Nothing else.
Once he has shirked them that is that.
Yes I am focusing on men as this is a thread by inspirion and her threads always focus on men.