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Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
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Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
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This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
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I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
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I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
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If I throw a stick, will you leave?
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You! Off my planet!
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I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
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Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
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Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
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Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
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Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
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I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
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I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
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Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
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Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!
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Adults are just kids who owe money.
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You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
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If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.
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You look like ****. Is that the style now?
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Earth is full. Go home.
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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
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I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
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Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
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You’re so fat, the last time you went on a bus, the ticket read ‘‘Please allow up to 28 days for delivery’’
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I’ve seen better looking butts in an ash tray.
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You know you’re a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!
Some of these are really funny.
My signature is/was a bumper sticker too, although i modified it. Anyways good read.