building tensions

[Princess1983]

Re: building tensions

@SaadiaB

I am not saying that this is good but thats how it is in joint family systems. Building a house back there is not an easy thing, especially if you worked, raised kids and did home work, like her MIL (like mines too, same situation) so you work your ass off and there comes a bahu claiming her portion/right, would you as person not say, first earn before you ask your rights, well that’s how I would be to be very honest, thats called territory where countries have fights over, its human nature. And if you dont like the person, no one wants to share. thats the case here.

Now if its right or wrong I am not here to judge.

I’m not judging OP etc either.

I wouldn’t marry off my child if that was my way of thinking (e.g. I earned it; it’s mine NOT my families)-that’s my opinion. Most people earn a living and raise children; their kids marry no one expects the kids to pay their parents back before being able to live in their family home without having fear of their partner doing something that would upset the in-laws. You asked so I gave it. If I felt that way I would wait for my child to earn enough to sustain their own home.

As for not liking each other. If you cannot ‘park’ the issues then it’s best to avoid the person. This was the advice I was given by a councillor recently. So giving your DIL the space instead of meddling would be better for her (and all MILs in general).

Why marry off your son if he hasn’t got his own space then? Surely when anyone (talking generally here) marries off their son they expect their DIL to join them in that house? And the fact she has children-their grandchildren still doesn’t give her the ‘right’ to put things in the said space the way she wants? So why not wait until he did have his own house if that’s the said in-laws mindset? That’s what I’m saying. I don’t agree with you; I never said it was wrong or right. Truth is when you marry off your child the majority of the time you gain a family member-no?

Building a home anywhere is never easy; it takes hardwork. But when you build a home (I’m talking generally here) you do so for your family. When you marry off your children (again generally) you do so for the sake of your children right? So why cause drama in your sons life by not allowing your DIL to have some space? It’s not like Nadz is going to being that home back to the UK where I am assuming the couple now intend to live?

I just find it astounding that in this day and age people (like OP MIL based on what OP has said) can marry off their children; especially their sons and then expect their DILs to accept their behaviour that lets face it they wouldn’t want their own daughters to go through simply because they feel it’s their house; not a family home and it’s okay for the son to possibly do as he would wish but the DIL would need to mould herself to the ways of the in-laws.

If MILs wish for DILs to treat their said home as their own and not separate from them and cause DIL/MIL drama then giving space is something that comes with it. If you don’t DILs will find a way of finding it; in OPs case it’s a move back to the UK.