Building a friendly relationship with fiance

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Ok ppl. I really need advice. I just got engaged like about 2 weeks back. Fiance is in UK, doing his speciliasation while am in Pak. It’s a total arranged affair. He came over with his parents , they all liked me rishta bheja and sab ho gaya. His family is wonderful. They are all very loving and caring from what Ive learnt up till now in these 4-5 months till now. :slight_smile:

But my fiance is still a mystery to me. He’s quite religious MashAllah and he hadn’t contacted me till a week before our engagement. But what did surprise me was that even after he did, he did not want to tell his family that he talks to me. Although his family is quite understanding and broad minded. infact i am sure they look for reasons to make us talk to each other. But he has always refused to them k abhi nai ..bad mei. With me he’s quite normal and friendly. We have a lot in common, in terms of profession, hobbies, likes and dislikes.

Still, there is some barrier. Maybe because he’s quite mature and about 7 years older and he’s not that teenage sort of ‘oh i love you and i am obssessed about you’ type and also since he’s lived alone for nearly 8 years during his medicine and postgrad. He’s openly discussed our future and the options and my perhai as well. Been very sweet friendly and practical but no signs of any more than a friend liking for me till now.
Maybe I am being paranoid or too sentimental. And i am still not sure how to carry this on.

As in how can I build a friendly relationship that can later blossom into love. At times i feel insecure, that he doesnt like me or am just his parents’ choice. We hardly get to talk because of his exams coming up and mine. And I already seem a little in awe of him.

Do help me out in this matter. How can I make him my best friend first and share all my concerns with him rather than being intimidated and a little scared that he might not get offended at anything stupid i might say

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Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

Just be yourself ... talk to him whnever u get a chance ... and since you guys are busy these days ask him to set up a time to talk to you and whn hes leaving ask him whn will u be talkin to him again ... things like that will make you sound caring and intersted without being overly clingy ... and u kno it takes time to develop a relationship so give him that time and see how it goes on from tehre :)

3

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

^libranrulz

i know what you mean it does take time :) thnkz

but what about the fact that posing all indifferent in front of the family and not telling him we are in contact. It does bother me a little

more adviced needed guys lol

4

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

so the lying has begun already?

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5

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

I fail to see the issue here. Only thing which sticks out here is you are being impatient.
Give it some time every thing will be fine.
You will get a life long chance to control opppppsss "nurture" a "friendly" relation.
So just be patient. If u have nothing better to do play solitaire.
Don't kill time worrying about the relation. Cuz none wrong with it.

6

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

@monk .. haha thankyou .. m not being impatient. am just usually at a loss about what to talk about when we do talk. so that's y i am confused k kya kerun ..

i know everything's totally right but at the moment you do need to be friends with the next person and not get awkward everytime talking to him.

@orpheus .. yes that's the only slight thing which is bothering me . otheriwise everything is fine :)

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Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

ur so cute. You can adopt me if you wish.

8

Only a guy can answer this; it's something I've been trying to figure out for quite some time...And belated congrats for your engagement!

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9

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

Dude sometimes it just gets a lil weird in front of the family cuz his family see him in a diff way and sometimes you don't wanna show this side to your family that you can be sensitive and stuff ... so you know that might be it

10

(Sorry, lately I have noticed occasionally people after getting advices edit their first post, so I am quoting your entire post)

What you are feeling is quite natural because of distance involved and nothing to worry about so early here based on what you posted.

Relax and slowly build up relation. Concentrate on your exams and let the flow go naturally. The moment you try to show impatience or anxiety, things may go wrong. You have a life ahead to impress him with your smartness. If he does not encourage you to be romantic then don't. Ask directly what he likes or dislikes and give clear simple reason for it which is that you just want to make sure he is happy with you.

And remember, he is religious man and you are not married yet. Going too fast too close may make him worried.

11

I am not sure abt why he would want to hide from his family that he is in contact with you?! maybe he is shy. I dont know. But otherwise i think its perfectly normal for him to be the way he is being with you. Not everyone can be as frank n open as most of the fiances r with each other nowadays. And to be honest its a personal choice at the end of the day like for me i would anyday want my fiance to be the way yours is as i think there is a rite time for everything. And getting ahead of time loses its charm in no time.

12

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

all desi girls problems may be sloved when they start to learn the difference between

Think and immiganations ....... if u dont know the difference better to study it. this is your solution

Honeyfund
13

Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

I am going to repeat what everyone else are saying in their own ways, just try be patient. Before you can begin building a friendly or loving relationship you need to try to understand his character better and he understand you. This takes time.

I have been engaged for about a month and was really nervous at first when talking with my fiancee and still am quite shy sometimes and he is the opposite! But we have started to understand each. Don't take it personally.

I would also suggest, that as you are finding it difficult to come up with topics to talk about, perhaps talk about what your days as it will show you more about his character, what's important to him, etc.

Just my opinion, good luck!

14

regarding ur question of why he doesnt tell his parents he is in contact.. or he doesnt talk front of them...

i am similar.. i cant talk to my fiancee front of my parents.. my parents know i am in contact.. bt they dont know how much.. she always talks to me on my cellfone.. i never talk to her straight after my parents have talked to her.. we talk like 1-2hrs later.. lol

the reason:
feel sort of embarassed/shy.. its very uncomfortable talkin all love and dovey front of ur parents.. or showing ur soft side to your family when infact all ur life u try to be a "macho" person.. lol.. unless i knew her all my life.. i.e. engaged for years or grown up together i.e. Cousin.. then i think i would feel uncomfortable.. bt since we have build our relationship from scratch.. i definetly feel uncomfortable front of my parents!

other then that.. take slowly.. it took me like 3-4 months to actually build feelings in her for me... (thats another story altogether.. )

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Re: Building a friendly relationship with fiance

just one 2 words...BE YOURSELF! and the rest will fall in place satisfactorily, iA