Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Assalam allaikum,
I’m looking for some advice form posters who understand desi / Pakistani culture. My father is very old school and culturally influenced, uneducated but wealthy. Hes fro the village back home in Pakistan but came to Europe in the sixties. He’s not at all religious even though my family and I are.

Basically my father has sold one of his businesses for a huge figure. Previously when he sold his other businesses he divided the sale 50/50 with both of my brothers. I received nothing . It was never discussed with me or my family, this is just the norm and no one knew I had an issue with it. It was just accepted that daughters are in their own houses and their husbands are their responsibility.

My father lives overseas and my brothers and I are in Europe. So they don’t look after him. He is selling everything to retire now.

My brother’s 4 children are privately educated and live in a mansion ( bought with proceeds of the inheritance money) whereas my family life is very average but alhumdulilah happy.

I don’t want to sound greedy but I have felt anger over the last 2 years when I have witnessed circumstances unfold and my father distributing his wealth amongst just my brothers.

For those of you who understand old school Asians mentality how would I approach this subject with my father?

My husband has always told me to ignore it and not mention anything for fear of upsetting anyone but recently he has begun supporting me when he has witnessed the bottomless pit of money my brothers have and are open about having. It’s clear to see money is no object and not even a consideration in their life as they r very well off.

To make it worse I know an uncle family friend who is of similar standing as my dad divide his fortune amongst his children as well as giving properties to their daughters. I have never received a penny from my own father and would love an opportunity to provide better education for my children.

In our family,a much greater bearing is placed on son’s children obviously following traditional pakistani village culture.So my children have never been given the same importance and I understand and accept that’s how our culture works. But we live in the same town and the financal divide between my brothers and I are huge.

How on earth do I approach this subject to my father without insulting him or coming across greedy?

I honestly don’t know if it’s relevant but one brother has been in so much trouble with the law/girlfriends/drugs etc yet he still got half the share when he cleaned up his act.

A year ago I did speak to my mother about how I should be entitled to some money in Islamic terms and she said I should speak to my father. She wouldn’t speak to him on my behalf as she is scared of him. He was very abusive to her and me and she has stayed only out of izzat. ( that’s a whole other topic!)

I can’t speak to my brothers as my mum did mention about my haq to them and they stated it was none of their business and how the issue should be discussed with my father.

I don’t want to be wealthy but would like to feel comfortable so I don’t need to think twice about buying things for my kids or providing private tuition for them which I currently can’t afford to.

I’m a Home maker and don’t work as I have a baby but my husband provides an average income.

Plz, plz genuine advice as I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my father/brothers and come across as being greedy.

P/s my inlaws are way below average in terms of wealth and my husband does provide them with financial support through out the year.

2

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

I’m so sorry to learn you didn’t got any money. This is a very wrong practice but completely legal. I’m not familiar with rural culture so I may not be able to shed any light on the cultural aspect but from a legal aspect here are few things that come to my mind:

1- The money cannot be called inheritance legally because your father is still alive. No law stops him from giving away what he owns to whoever he wants. Not everything that is legal is ethical nor is everything that is ethical is legal.

2- When people get old, they can be pressurized easily. Your father may have been pressurized by your brothers to sell that business and distribute the money among them. Since sale has already taken place, there is not much that can be done.

3- If you can convince your father not to liquidate any more stuff, it will be a big win for you because that way your share in inheritance will be far more secure than if your father keeps giving away “gifts” to his sons or making them joint account holders.

4- You should also find out as to who has the original documents for the rest of the property. They should be with someone you and your father trusts. You should at least have their photocopies. This is very important.

5- Try to figure out the dynamic of the whole situation. It is quite possible that your SILs may have pressurized your brothers and in turn your brothers pressurized your father. Learning this dynamic will help you plan effectively.

Unfortunately these things ruin blood relations so smart people try to resolve things as soon as possible but not sooner. You can consider hiring a good local lawyer for further advice and guidance.

3

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

Honestly other than asking your father directly their isn’t much you can do. Everything stops and ends with him You can’t ask other people to help you out as you have already tried and that failed.
You can talk to him, tell him you love him, tell him you appreciate everything he’s done for you in your life. After buttering him “so to speak” ask what you want of him. Tell him that this money is not for you but for your kids and his grand children. And they should be given a decent opportunity as well. Islamically you deserve a 2 (your brothers):1 (you) ratio of inheritance but don’t bring this up with him. Of course this is “inheritance” if all of the stuff is given away before hand than it doesn’t matter.
Any ways…This is strictly a daughter asking her father for help. Nothing more and nothing less. If he says no to that than I don’t think their is much you can do without other peoples help in influencing him.

4

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

I know this is hard but don’t say anything. Get a job when you can. When your family see you working cos you need to provide they will understand. But when they do offer you money - don’t take it. Be strong!!! No point asking for something when it isn’t offered to you.

5

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

Unsure why I thought it was inheritance! Shows what little understanding I have of finances.

Beeba- yes it’s not nice to ask when something isn’t offered to you. But apart from this we r a close family. My brothers always invites us round and vice versa.

My kids get a lot of love, my time and everything materially they need at this age. But I just felt if i don’t ask I don’t get and I wanted it to make a part share to get be them opportunities ie education.

6

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

I had a similar issue to this but in my case it was my mum who didn’t want me to inherit or recieve an equal share..

7

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

if the father is alive and distribute the wealth among his children then it is considered as gift and he can distribute it as he wishes.
after the father passes away, whatever is left behind has to be distributed in a ratio of 2:1 among the sons and daughters. And a ratio is specified for the wife as well.
it is very much possible that your father has made an inheritance will and you will get your share when the time comes.
on the mentality thing, some parents don’t give property or big gifts to married daughters because of the fear that the son in law might become greedy and starts to ask for more or he might starts to spend the money on his parents/siblings unnecessary,taking advantage of their money or might stops putting effort himself for making a living and depending on wife’s parents money specially when the husband belongs to an average background.

8

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

If he had passed away then the money your brothers had gotten would have been illegal Islamically if they had left you out but when gifting the technicalities get murky. Even when gifting your father can’t hundred percent give his entire fortune away but you can’t do anything to stop him. Don’t remember the exact percentage but I think it’s 30% that he needs to keep but don’t quote me on this.

The unfortunate truth is some people just don’t care about keeping their money halal or doing justice to their children. If he cared he would have done things right the first time.

What you need to assess is what kind of relationship you would like to keep with them in the future. If you create a fuss then you probably will be the one losing out in a relationship with them. If you want to keep things civil then you should at least ask him to contribute to your children’s education fund. Also keep in mind when they get infirm you will be the one expected to give up time and energy to take care of them simply because you’re female.

Personally I would get a job, tell all the relatives you needed it because you guys can’t afford to live on a single income and when the time comes to take care of your parents tell them that you’re too busy earning a living but I am petty and have no problems burning bridges.

9

Re: Brothers given thousands in inheritance -me zero

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