So my husband of 12 years works for my parents company as part of management. He has been told for several years by both my brother and father that he will be included in the business one day, in terms of having a share. It’s been 11 years and my husband and I have come to realise it’s all been a lie. They have no intentions of making him a business partner.
I hinted this to my brother and he said he no longer was investing in new businesses. So my husband has been stuck as an employee with no future prospects.
my father has a habit of telling my inlaws that my hubby will be part of the business etc very soon. It’s all lies. Inlaws think we r sitting on a gold mine. Hubby works extremely long hours and only a few hours off each week which he uses to rest. There is no time off, so to speak and is always on call.
Hubby has been very reluctant to speak to my family regarding their manipulation despite coming across as extremely confident. What do I do? He resents them a lot especially as my own family are very wealthy and he sees no fruits of his own labour despite being promised. He has no experience in another job and his qualifications are completely outdated.
He point blank refuses to speak even in a firm tone with them and I’ve become embarrassed at what a push over he has become.
What do I do?
Hubby refuses to retrain as this is all he know and we have young family and bills/ apartment to pay for. He won’t take the risk as the only postive from his job is job security in these austere times.
Business with family members is never a good idea. Having said that, nothing ventured nothing gained. Some times we have to take step and find new avenues. Off course that requires getting out of comfort zone. If your Brother and Father are not up to their word and if your husband is feeling cheated, perhaps breaking the business relationship is best for all parties so the real relationship have a chance to sustain. Its easier said than done though.
Why are you not standing up for him? I don't understand...do you expect him to defend you in front of your inlaws? If so, then why does the same courtesy not apply to him?
He is your husband and maintaining his respect within your family is your job.
Well since it's YOUR father and brother that own the business....why can't YOU talk to him? Sit down with your father and brother and explain to them exactly what you wrote here.
Involving people into your family business is a very iffy matter and most of the times should be avoided. I am talking from personal experiences. Having said that, your husband has invested a lot of time, effort and energy into your father and brother's business. This is blatant deception, if things had been made clear from the beginning that he won't be made a partner, he will just be an employee, then expectations would have been different. Like Paheli said, you need to stand up for your husband, you are now married to your partner, technically speaking you are no longer a part of your father's family. Your future majorly is riding on your husband and how well he performs in all aspects of professional life. As his partner it is your duty to support him, motivate him and see him through this tough situation and it just happens so that this situation deals with your family members. You need to talk to your father and brother, if they're still being stubborn, see how you can detach yourself and your partner from their business; maybe he can get a job elsewhere, maybe he can update his education/qualifications whilst he still is an employee and then he can apply elsewhere. There's so many ideas, go sift through them and think how you can help yourself and your partner through this.
Are you the one whose mum insists yoh stay with her when baby is born and takes the gifts etc? If i remember rightly your husband supported you against that right?
Anyway YOU should support him and ask your parents if they intend to allow your husband to have better prospects, if not then hel move on..encourage your husband to keep an open mjnd also, its never guaranteed is it that family wjll stick to their word and hand over their money or shares etc!
I should have explained the situation a little more. I have spoken to my brother regarding my husband's desire to become involved with the business.My husband was ADAMANT that I didn't say anything as he wanted to handle the situation himself.
I went behind his back and spoke of my concerns regardless and it fell on my brother's deaf ears. He didn't acknowledge my husband being made a partner any time in the future as he said they were no longer going to do this. In all honestly it was never their intention but he never said this.
Hubby found out I spoke to my brother and was furious with me as he stated he did not want me to get involved.
This comes years after him feeling depressed about the lack of future job prospects with my family and being taken for a ride. Hubby still refused to have it out with them, out of respect for them. My family have a habit of treating those who respect them like utter crap.
He has never stood up to them and has a quiet and polite demeanour around them. I couldn't discuss this with my father as he has a temper on him and that would do more harm than good. If hubby was mad at me speaking to my brother he would be furious with me speaking to my father.
I've come to the conclusion that although hubby comes across as very confident when it comes down to important decisions like going back to retrain/ look at other job opportunities/ face my families and their deceit, he just won't take a step. He has recently become withdrawn and I fear he is becoming depressed about it. He doesn't want our children to look at his uncle being his boss for the rest of his life.
My brother is the authoritarian type who likes others to know their place as employees whilst he is the boss. He speaks to them in according to this manner. This is what is upsetting hubby as after all these years the situation is the same.
I don't think your husband is in a good situation.
A) Change it...do something about it. Either retrain for something else or speak to your father/brother and insist on them making a change otherwise he will quit.
We were at your place few years ago. Hubby had no experience even though he had completed diploma. We had huge loan from failed business venture that was started in partnership. We were left with loan, all savings gone and waste of 2 years. We struggled. Hubby enrolled into a different course, drove taxi in weekends and one of his pessanger offered him a job. Yes initially pay wasn't good but to start he had too.
Now if i look back at that time i dont think i can survive that time and strugggle. But we learnt alot and moved on.
Financial issue is one of the most difficult problem. Especially the kind of economy we live in .No matter where you are. But i learned that..on a personal note..to manage your finances in smarter way so you dont make same mistakes.
Why did i say that above in relation to your topic. This is true blessing that Allah has given him..you as a spouse to help him out of this. I would say, let him work where he is working..in the mean time look for job elsewhere OR take a course or something to improve the prospect of being hired elsewhere. Just dont focus too much on negativity. Look at the big picture..inshallah things will change..
your husband has to work with your family daily. obviously, he doesn't want to get into an argument with them. they will make work difficult for him, and he has to work to support you.
he should continue working there, and look for another job, take nightcourse on the side. in the mean time save money on the side.