My sister’s mother-in-law is on her deathbed…the tumor in her uterus erupted and doctors have sent her home because they have no cure to it and she’s probably gonna bleed to death soon.
No one is really bothered about her because she lived a life of nobody. She cooked, cleaned and did all type of chores that a woman in a rural Pakistani area is supposed to do, including managing the cattle and crops. But she never complained about anything, not a single word of complain about her oppressive husband and bratty children.
When my mother fell ill she stayed with her in hospital looking after her day and night. It irritates me that today when she needs some care and love I’m not there to console her heart.
Not that I want to be there…I hate seeing people die.
Is that everyone's life? NO! And you know it isn't. For the simple reason that not every person (male or female) is like this woman's husban/bratty children. I doubt Psyah would abandon you.
Actually...your SISTER has more of a responsibility toward her MIL than you do because they share a closer rishta. You could show your love/concern for this woman (and get some sawab) by talking to your sister and trying to encourage her to be there for her MIL and try to make this difficult time as comfortable as possible for her. Rather than giving up, find another way you can reach out and help...even if it's an indirect one. That way, later on, you won't feel as though you didn't do anything at all.
Is that everyone's life? NO! And you know it isn't. For the simple reason that not every person (male or female) is like this woman's husban/bratty children. I doubt Psyah would abandon you.
Actually...your SISTER has more of a responsibility toward her MIL than you do because they share a closer rishta. You could show your love/concern for this woman (and get some sawab) by talking to your sister and trying to encourage her to be there for her MIL and try to make this difficult time as comfortable as possible for her. Rather than giving up, find another way you can reach out and help...even if it's an indirect one. That way, later on, you won't feel as though you didn't do anything at all.
Very wise words but you missed the point. I don't know what makes you think that I haven't already helped her in "other" ways. And I don't know what was the need of mentioning who has more responsibility? We don't always do thing because we have to, or do we?
Anyway, point was that being selfless and meek don't serve people any good sometimes.
^And can you please stop mentioning my old nick in every single post. There's a reason why I'm not using my old nick. There are some idiots on this board who'd send you abusive and threatening messages because once you edited their abusive post.
^And can you please stop mentioning my old nick in every single post. There's a reason why I'm not using my old nick. There are some idiots on this board who'd send you abusive and threatening messages because once you edited their abusive post.
^ I did not use your old nick in my post above, so I don't use it in every single post. Sure, if it bothers you, I can stop. Although...it's not hard to figure out a multi....and your above post lets people know that you were once a moderator and just by that lil clue alone, one can try to put 2 n 2 together. :p
Look, all you can see is text…you can’t see my facial expressions or hear the tone of my voice. It seems to me that you’re assuming that I responded to your thread in a negative frame of mind or with negative intentions and that is not the case. You’re sounding defensive when I’m not accusing you, nor did I have such intentions. I have not said that you haven’t helped her in other ways. What I meant was that if you cannot reach her (let’s say you live far away…or there are other constraints that prevent you from being near her)…then you can also try to help her in an indirect way…and so you won’t feel as if you didn’t help her during THIS critical time (not referring to how you’ve helped her before this). And what I’ve said about your sister is not wrong either, IMO. No, I’m not saying that your sister is irresponsible. Rather that since she’s this woman’s daughter-in-law…she has a more closer rishta to her…more so than her. Perhaps my post wasn’t clear enough, I hope I’ve sorted out the confusion. It’s the weekend, Catskin. Chill.
My sister's mother-in-law is on her deathbed....the tumor in her uterus erupted and doctors have sent her home because they have no cure to it and she's probably gonna bleed to death soon.
**
No one is really bothered about her because she lived a life of nobody. She cooked, cleaned and did all type of chores that a woman in a rural Pakistani area is supposed to do, including managing the cattle and crops. But she never complained about anything, not a single word of complain about her oppressive husband and bratty children.
**
When my mother fell ill she stayed with her in hospital looking after her day and night. It irritates me that today when she needs some care and love I'm not there to console her heart.
Not that I want to be there...I hate seeing people die.
So, is that it? Is this life?
what has that got to do with anything hareem??
if she was some corporate hot-shot lawyer or big company's ceo or some politician.......how would that make any difference??
Anyway, point was that being selfless and meek don't serve people any good sometimes.
A post is open to interpretation. One might think that you want your last question answered...or that you feel distressed about this woman and want to know what you can do, or both. Yes, I agree, being there for others...taking the higher road is important. However, at the same time....we DO teach people how to treat us. If we become a doormat...then we're likely to be treated like one. I don't know this woman...or where she lives....but in her case...I wonder if her husband (for example) would have been more cooperative had she been more firm/aggressive. Maybe he was the kind that firmly believed that a woman should "know her place" and there may have been dire consequences had she spoken out. Maybe it was this woman's upbringing...or low self-esteem.....or majbooriyan...or a combo of all these.
I have to agree and say yes this is part of life. Some people are fortunate enough to have a family member care for them at the time of their death.
You will find that not only at the time of death, but every difficult time, there will be VERY FEW people in your life who will genuinely care. It is a huge lesson that people for whom we run after our whole lives and over whom sometimes we waste our entire life are not worth it at all.
However, being selfless and being patient and giving love to her family regardless of what they did is going to gain this lady tons and tons of rewards from Allah swt (and that is ALL you need for a successful life and a hereafter).
^ I did not use your old nick in my post above, so I don't use it in every single post. Sure, if it bothers you, I can stop. Although...it's not hard to figure out a multi....and your above post lets people know that you were once a moderator and just by that lil clue alone, one can try to put 2 n 2 together. :p
I didn't keep it a secret though I could have and should have(if you read my very first posts in H&F you'll find out).
Anyway...yeah I couldn't see your facial expressions but I was just clarifying my point.
yes. That is pretty much it.
Things is … a vast majority of us ARE nobodies … nameless, faceless drones in the big picture. We all work hard (most of us anyways) in our own little niches and give up many things without accolades for the sacrifice.
This is why in my opinion its a good idea to try and live a balanced life. don’t be a door mat … don’t be a domineering witch. Take time to enjoy life and whenever you can be of help to others …
above all though … be at peace with the choices you have made … good or bad.
I sound like a preachy parveen … but hope you get what im trying to say.
Pretty much...this IS life catsy!. I have buried two of my best friends and gave them ghusl. The same friends whom i used to laugh and joke around with...so ya! we all have to go someday yo.we all. Ya know..i believe we all get rewarded for doing good for someone. But Allah knows us very well..so lets hope for the good ending for all of us eh!
… but hope you get what im trying to say.