do u think it is good idea to stay in brken marrige jst for the kids?muje lgta hai ke rehna chahiye hy,ap ab sirf apni lyf ka nhi soch sektay ab bachay bhi hai.
wht do u think?
Re: brken marrige and kids.
Depends on the reason really. It isn't always best to stay in a broken marriage for the kids sakes. For e.g. where one parents is mentally/physically/emotional abusive. It's not a good atmosphere for children to grow up in.
I don't think women should stay for the sake of staying in such relationships either, they are human too and shouldn't be expected to put up with so much crap! Sadly many women are not able to leave such a situation due to cultural/financial/societal issues.
do u think it is good idea to stay in brken marrige jst for the kids?muje lgta hai ke rehna chahiye hy,ap ab sirf apni lyf ka nhi soch sektay ab bachay bhi hai.
wht do u think?:)
That can also depend upon how bad the marriage is. In some situations, a couple might stay together for the children......or they'll try to stay together when the kids are younger and more dependent upon them.
But there are some marriages which are extremely dysfunctional. For example, maybe the husband is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to his family. In such a situation........living with one parent who is of sound mind and character is MUCH BETTER than living in an abusive household where the children's self-esteem is destroyed and they are picking up harmful behaviors from their parents.
Adults often think that children are so naive that they don't know what's going on. They'd be surprised at how perceptive little ones can be. Their minds are like sponges.........they pick up their parents' body language.....they can sense when there is consistent tension in the household. And they also learn either positive or negative ways of dealing with conflicts from their parents.
If the marriage is a hell-hole..............what message are parents sending to their kids by sticking it out? That they should be miserable? That there's no way out? That they should put up with things when there's zero hope of improvement at the detriment of their health? How would this affect their development?
I've given an extreme example.....but what you decide depends upon your situation. While divorce is disliked in Islam.........Allah has allowed us a way out especially if one sees that things are only getting worse.
I personally don't believe in either black or white solutions.......where one says k koi kaam bilkul bhi nahin karna chahiye. I don't think that's wise. It's better to consider all aspects of a situation before making a decision. Issi main aqal mandi hai.
^^ Yes the reason is very important.
Children are extremely sensitive and very aware of even unspoken feelings. And dont be misled by their ages...in fact the younger the children are, the more intuitive and less able to express their emotions.
Ideally, a child should have both parents around them. But in some cases, one good parent is better than having 2 parents who are always fighting and creating an intolerable fearful atmosphere. Somehow, children tend to blame themselves when adults fight.
Re: brken marrige and kids.
A lot of older-generation desis think parents should never split up (bar domestic abuse tho even then u get some weirdos who reckon a woman will get reward for being hubby's punchbag) but usually if u ask the kids themselves who have gone thru this what they would have preferred they nearly always say 'I wished they would have just seperated.'
One of my best friends is one of 6 and her dad refuses to give her mum a divorce so they basically live at opposite ends of the house, don't eat together, never talk etc. and one by one as each kid reaches 16 they quickly leave home cos they can't stand the atmosphere, it's really really sad.. Her Mum is super religious (wears niqab when she goes out) and dad is very close to the local mosque, no imam in the area wants to upset him by granting the wife khula :(
Re: brken marrige and kids.
^ how sad and shame on the imam's who refuse to give her what is her right in Islam through fear of upsetting the husband.
What kind of life is that for either of them.
Re: brken marrige and kids.
^ Yeah and she is such a nice lady, never has a bad word to say about anyone :(
Re: brken marrige and kids.
Does she not have family that are willing to help her?
No, the mum is originally from Malaysia and apart from the kids she has no family living here..
Re: brken marrige and kids.
not at all. you make life ****ty for yourselves AND your kids. they have to witness fights and see the tension between the parents.
how good of an example are you then?
I'd rather be raised by a single parent and remain happy than be in a broken family where nothing matters, because as kids get older they start to realize all that's wrong. it hurts them as much as it hurts you and kids don't deserve that.
not at all. you make life ****ty for yourselves AND your kids. they have to witness fights and see the tension between the parents.
how good of an example are you then?
I'd rather be raised by a single parent and remain happy than be in a broken family where nothing matters, because as kids get older they start to realize all that's wrong. it hurts them as much as it hurts you and kids don't deserve that.
^AGREE!
Even ONE mature/sensible/positive/nurturing parent is better than a dysfunctional team. I find it frustrating when people uphold black or white views that allow no room for thorough examination of a situation. I understand that everyone is entitled to their views.....and one can't impose their beliefs on others.....but I've so far disagreed with each of the views that the postee has expressed about the role of women/societal expectations because it seems that several factors have not been considered....and that just makes for flimsy notions in my opinion.
That can also depend upon how bad the marriage is. In some situations, a couple might stay together for the children......or they'll try to stay together when the kids are younger and more dependent upon them.
But there are some marriages which are extremely dysfunctional. For example, maybe the husband is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to his family. In such a situation........living with one parent who is of sound mind and character is MUCH BETTER than living in an abusive household where the children's self-esteem is destroyed and they are picking up harmful behaviors from their parents.
Adults often think that children are so naive that they don't know what's going on. They'd be surprised at how perceptive little ones can be. Their minds are like sponges.........they pick up their parents' body language.....they can sense when there is consistent tension in the household. And they also learn either positive or negative ways of dealing with conflicts from their parents.
If the marriage is a hell-hole..............what message are parents sending to their kids by sticking it out? That they should be miserable? That there's no way out? That they should put up with things when there's zero hope of improvement at the detriment of their health? How would this affect their development?
I've given an extreme example.....but what you decide depends upon your situation. While divorce is disliked in Islam.........Allah has allowed us a way out especially if one sees that things are only getting worse.
I personally don't believe in either black or white solutions.......where one says k koi kaam bilkul bhi nahin karna chahiye. I don't think that's wise. It's better to consider all aspects of a situation before making a decision. Issi main aqal mandi hai.
Very well said. Every marriage is different. But i wouldn't recommend staying in a marriage which is a hell-hole.
Re: brken marrige and kids.
It depends on the situation.....all I can say is..if the parents decide that they do not want to be together...then they should not play tug of war with the kids...espcially when the kids are young...it will change their whole outlook on life.
Coz..parents start using the kids against the other parent..which is so not cool...the kids become piece on the chess board!
Re: brken marrige and kids.
do not feed the troll. esp such an obvious one.
I believe that when both the parents want BEST INTEREST of child only then a compromise can be done by either parent or a room for adjustment can be made. Because anybody who is willing to be a good mom or a good dad will ultimately try to put things in correct way as a positive thought is working behind it but when either of the parent doesn't seem to be concerned with the well being of his/her child then NOTHING can work. Then its better that the child be raised under the single parent who wants the BEST INTEREST of the kid.
no imam in the area wants to upset him by granting the wife khula :(
I am sorry i am not aware of the procedure of obtaining Khula "but you mean imam could be bribed or influenced for something like important human right issue?
Re: brken marrige and kids.
^ Not bribed, they just don't want to upset the husband cos he is well-known and influential in the community..