British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

I would say No to this sort of rishta and hope my BIL is not a jerk. If he ends up being a jerk then I will make sure I support my sister.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

Why can't the trip to Pakistan be re-scheduled to after when your sister has the baby - she's 8 months along? Isn't her having the baby the best reason for you and your mom to not go to PK right now? This way any discussion/stress about the "wedding" can be deferred to until after the baby is here.

As far as your BIL is concerned, how long will be angry? He'll get over it and if he doesn't then that's on him and speaks poorly of him and tells you if not this issue, then another would have been an excuse for him to get bent out of shape for.

And as I always say, if you're not going to work at the relationship because there's a compatibility issue, better to end things before a marriage, rather than after.

I knew two cousins who got married because it was both of their dying fathers' wish (the fathers were brothers), despite most people knowing the two weren't compatible. On top of their being cousins, her sister was married to his brother. It ended in divorce and discord. Better for it to end now, rather than after marriage.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

I would say no.

You think your marriage will guarantee your sis's happiness? If these people are really that sort, every little issue will lead to threats of break ups. Rishtas and engagements are not so complex as marriages. If already there are complications and danger, it will only get worse after you are married. You will live a lifetime trying to do what's right for others and in the end there will be little appreciation or benefit. I say this after seeing multiple marriages of this sort.

There is no way I would accept such a rishta.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

What others have said. Seriously, please do not marry this man. You are only 21 years old, you have an entire life ahead of you and if you go this route, you'll live a very long, stressful life. You don't want that, nor do your parents.As for getting married by 22....well, to be very blunt, that's BS. You or I don't decide what age we want to marry. Allah decides that. Everything has its time. You will get married when you are meant to. Maybe you'll find someone before you turn 22, maybe not. 22 is so young. I got married at 25 (am 26 now) and all my friends are unmarried right now, and no one is complaining. So leave this one to Allah, you have no control over your marriage year.

What you do have control over is who you choose to marry - so please proceed carefully. Have you talked to your sister about this and asked what she thinks? Whether she thinks her husband will leave her? If anything, maybe she can talk to her husband before in private calmly explaining to him that this was your decision, before everyone else finds out. And in the end, if her husband leaves her for something so petty, that means he's immature and would have left her for any other stupid reason in the future also. The guy is only marrying you to come to UK. Please don't ruin your life. Talk to your sister, talk to your parents. Get together and find a solution. Maybe your parents can talk to your BIL explaining to him personally that you do not wish to marry his brother. You can come with a not-harsh excuse...no need to tell them it's because he's a control freak or you hate him.

But seriously, do not marry him.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

Pregnant women (unless there are complications) are not as delicate as one may imagine-trust me I'm on my second pregnancy and I'm assuming I'm due around the same time and when I'm healthy nothing makes me 'ill' it's when I'm not healthy then yes things get to me. Realistically your sister will be feeling quite upset at the whole thing anyhow as she's the one who isn't too keen on this situ.

Okay well based on your other comment about men from your family OP I'd say your sisters happiness is going to short lived anyhow so why add salt to the wound now? Simply delay your decision announcement until after the baby arrives. If he shows his true colours (as in he does prove to be a jerk like that) then it's up to whoever chose this ristaa to DEAL with it-not you. Yes that's selfish however how much more c!!p will you and your sister have to take to keep the others marriage potentially in working order?

I think OP it's a case of making up your decision and when the time is right-once bambino arrives InshAllah you need to just get on with it and not sway if your BIL starts playing up. Realistically though he's need to be a massive jerk/tosser/beep to do that to someone he's just had a baby with.

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I would listen to that sisters advise. :-)

You are assuming that it will change her life.. Even if does; it is irrelevant in your decision regarding your cousin. And If your sister is not worried about her husbands reaction, then why are you?

Btw in these kind of marriages, even small issues affecting one couple tend to blow up and affect the other couple. Its natural to want to take sides with a sibling, so have you thought how that will affect your sisters or your marriage in the long term; should you go ahead?

Ps. Princess: thank you for the kind words :-)

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

No, its not about that at all Sanaya.

Its about you being a responsible human being now - you're an adult right? All grown up? Grown ups make their own decisions and pay their own bills.

Your parents will always TRY to do what is best for you. However, they're human and very much prone to mistakes. Sometimes they may present you with a guy who THEY deem a good match because they don't know all sides of him. You do. Now you can decide.

If you decide to go through with this marriage that you already have strong feelings against, remember one thing...you're not doing anyone any favors. No one will erect monuments in your honor. This sacrifice will not go down in history as the ultimate a daughter can make. Everyone will assume you married this man willingly because you are.

Let him. Its not your responsibility to keep your brother in law and sister happy. They're married adults and fully capable of functioning on their own without a feeder and diapers. They'll be fine.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

now here is the information that was missing in your earlier posts. they are told not to be bothered about education or work because they would be moving to UK via their wives!!! this is ridiculous and the height of "Lalchi pan".
i am really wondering if this is the case then why even your sister got married into such a greedy, good for nothing family? and now why do you plan to ruin your life by saying yes to such a guy who will have no sense of responsibility towards his wife and kids as he is simply not brought up to be a responsibly husband who should meet his obligations towards family.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

^As much as it pains me to say it the above applies too me too. My husbands family constantly went on about how my husband would be going to the UK blah blah blah. They didn't bother getting him educated because he wouldn't be needing it. It's sickening that these people call themselves human and shockingly Muslim. As for Lalchi pan-I'm aware of families from certain areas of Pakistan where pregnant womens unborn children were 'promised' to such and such a sister or brother depending on the sex of the baby so their kids could go England too. It's degrading to say the least and if we don't understand the chain needs breaking it will never EVER go away.

The truth is OP you know exactly what you are going into. The chances are you are thinking it's easier to marry him than use your backbone and stick up for yourself because even though you say your parents are giving you a choice the fact is once your sisters MIL and family hear you've said no the pressure and nastiness towards your sister will be upped to pressurise YOU and you are avoiding it.

If your BIL is that type of man I'm sorry but your sister is likely to be better off WITHOUT HIM. I've seen enough nasty trashy men grow old without their family around them because of prioritising their siblings and parents over their children and wife. The kids have enough by the time their in their late teens and their father is no longer welcome around the home. The man then moves out, tells everyone the West it to blame and his in-laws were bad and he goes Pakistan where he is no longer welcome because he has nothing to give them (e.g. his kids hands in marriage). OP recognise the chain, be strong and BREAK IT. This is real life and dealing with this garbage day in day out believe me leaves you wanting to do some serious damage to people.

Whenever someone tells me such and such in my mums family is ill/is struggling to find work/has problems with rizq etc etc I have no sympathy because they all sat around watching my MIL do what she did to me (you can look it up in previous posts) and no one wanted to support me because well I was the bad western DIL. What goes around surely comes around; the question is what are you doing to do now to make the future better?

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

This is suicide! He will make your live a living hell and than you’ll create threads here and curse all the Pakistani man.
Cousin marriages are not mandatory.:smack:

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

DONT DO IT...Enjoy your life, get educated, grow as a person, travel, get to know life and discover yourself. Who says you have to meet a man through your mum and dad? You will meet like minded people to spend your time with and probably along the way a partner who loves you for you..don't get married for the sake of it girls, you will only cry afterwards... this is what I would tell my own nieces, and daughter. It's 2013, change the system.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

OMG Well you sister is man enough to deal with her husband, and your mom, well moms are tough...don't ruin your life for others, this thinking of oh mai qurbaani de doongi is too bollywood, dog eat dog world honey, people die and your left with crap. Be selfish, think about YOU. Your sister and mom are married now, their life will not be affected by you saying no. In a few months people will forget about it, seriously, paki thinking....your actions will only affect the people who really love you if 1/2 years down the line your crying to your mom and sis....seriously, not worth the hassle,,
unless your not totally in love then do not compromise your happiness to live with a man for the sake of it...what a waste of life, happiness and opportunities...life is tooooooo beautiful to be wasted on someone who your forced with...why not choose??

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

I would like to thank everyone on this thread for taking the time to give me advice, not one person has said go along with the marriage for your sisters sake although im sure you understand the situation quite well. Most of the commenters on here are older, smarter and a lot more experienced in life than me, and I started this thread to know you're opinions and what you would do. It would be extremely foolish me to go ahead and ignore your advice, and I really don't think I can ruin my life like that.

I've decided to talk to my brother, in hope that he would be willing to help me, I have no idea what his response might be and im extremely scared for myself and my sister, but I can't go through the running away route, and this is the only alternative I can think of! Please wish me luck:)

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

Intelligent decision. All the best. Hope everything works out for you.

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

Hope it all turns out alright inshallah. Do not run away or do anything like that if circumstances are not that bad because think about how that would ruin your reputation along with your families. There is plenty of help centres that deal and help you with situation like that and you can confide in them. Your brother will be fine hearing this, seriously don't fret because he is your brother and he obviously wants you to be happy. You should tell him all the truth and say that you are not happy marrying your cousin. Good luck!

p.s Allah is all knowing and knows best and he is there listening to your problems and will give you a solution for this troubled time :)

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

All the best. I hope everything works out for you

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Re: British Pakistani girls marrying Pakistani guys

How did it go Sanaya?