As requested By Fraudz, following the spectacular success of the Blackadder quotes in the Movie Quotes thread.
I’ll start us off with the classic Fawlty Towers:
(Basil Fawlty is the incredibly incompetent yet snooty owner of a two bit hotel)
Basil Fawlty: Will you be dining here tonight in this unfashionable dump?
**Mr. Johnson: **No, I wasn’t planning to.
**Basil Fawlty: **No, not really your scene is it.
Mr. Johnson: I wanted to try a place in town…anywhere you recommend?
Basil Fawlty: What sort of food did you want…fruit or…
Mr. Johnson: Anyplace I can get French food.
Basil Fawlty: Yes France I believe, they seem to like it over there. The swim would certainly sharpen your appetite you’d better hurry the tide leaves in 8 minutes.
I baked a cake because it's my birthday and I'm having a party and youa re all invited because you are my friends or you just pretend to be my friends..well you dont even pretend to be my friends, in fact you all hate me but its my birthday and i'm having a party and i've baked a cake .. Neil
Thats just typical! fibe minutes before the most important party of my life and the house is destroyed by a giant sandwich.. Rick
how would you like to have sex for money... no no no.. YOU pay ME.. rick
I told you a million times, do not exaggerate..rick
Oh dear, thsi calls for a very special belnd of psychology..and extreme violence.. vyvian
Lister: The red, green and blue alert signs are all flashing. What the smeg does that mean?
Kryten: Well either we're under attack sir, or we're having a disco.
Lister: What does it feel like?
Rimmer: Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans.
As soon as I find the right small group of girls, the seven or eight women who are right for me, my wandering days are OVER buddy! (The Cat)
We have three realistic alternatives: (1) Sit here and get blown up, (2) Stand here and get blown up, (3) Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think of anything, then get blown up.
(Holly)
BRIAN:
Are you the Judean People's Front?
REG:
** off!
BRIAN:
What?
REG:
Judean People's Front. We're the People's Front of Judea! Judean People's Front. Cawk.
FRANCIS:
Wankers.
BRIAN:
Can I... join your group?
REG:
No. Piss off.
BRIAN:
I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job. I hate the Romans as much as anybody.
PEOPLE'S FRONT OF JUDEA:
Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh. Shh. Shhhh.
REG:
Schtum.
JUDITH:
Are you sure?
BRIAN:
Oh, dead sure. I hate the Romans already.
REG:
Listen. If you really wanted to join the P.F.J., you'd have to really hate the Romans.
BRIAN:
I do!
REG:
Oh, yeah? How much?
BRIAN:
A lot!
REG:
Right. You're in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the ***ing Judean People's Front.
P.F.J.:
Yeah...
JUDITH:
Splitters.
P.F.J.:
Splitters...
FRANCIS:
And the Judean Popular People's Front.
P.F.J.:
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
LORETTA:
And the People's Front of Judea.
P.F.J.:
Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
REG:
What?
LORETTA:
The People's Front of Judea. Splitters.
REG:
We're the People's Front of Judea!
LORETTA:
Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.
REG:
People's Front! C-huh.
FRANCIS:
Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg?
REG:
He's over there.
P.F.J.:
Splitter!*
famous book, not so well known tv show, but bbs did have a hitchhikers guide series..some quotes.
ZAPHOD Hey, this rock...
FORD Marble...
ZAPHOD Marble...
FORD Ice-covered marble...
ZAPHOD Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the slipperiest
thing you can think of?
FORD At the moment? This marble.
ZAPHOD Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.
ARTHUR What is an Algolian Zylatburger anyway?
FORD They're a kind of meatburger made from the most unpleasant parts
of a creature well known for its total lack of any pleasant
parts.
ARTHUR So you mean that the Universe does actually end not with a bang
but with a Wimpy?
some other quotes..
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?"
"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'"