RV said it best. There's really no point dredging up past mistakes...it gets you nowhere.
People screw up. A lot. Most of the time, it's nothing more than bad judgment with little bad intent involved. Meaning, most of us aren't out to intentionally hurt anybody when we're making our many mistakes. But for whatever reason (and I feel this is more pronounced in our culture), people take every little thing that's done wrong in the worst possible light. And then keep a mental laundry list of everything to bring up at a later date for the purpose of throwing it in someone's face in order to score a few petty points in an ultimately pointless argument. Pretty much everybody I know (including me) is guilty of this.
And you know what? It's a waste of time, it's a waste of mental energy, it's a WASTE. And we should all take a step back and remember to practice some tolerance and forgiveness...as Allah has said, "Don't you want to be forgiven as I forgive you?"
I think this was uncalled for on sooo many levels.
Firstly, your wife has no right to bring up what your sister did (or didn't do) to score points during your personal arguments. She is married to you and not your sister and it's ridiculous to drag her between your personal matters.
For argument's sake let's suppose it's justified to drag a third person into your personal matters: Your sister had NO obligation to get something for your Sali to begin with, so I don't see why it's an issue
For further argument's sake suppose,the gift was crazy offensive. It was very classless of your Sali to whine about it to your wife!!!!! I honestly don't quite understand what she planned on achieving through her immature whining? Was she trying to arrange a break up between you two?
For further argument's sake, suppose your Sali was having a mental breakdown when she whined to your wife about your sister. EVEN then, your wife has no right to continue bringing it up after all these years. It's completely uncalled for.
See I've pretty much given you a decision tree and no amount of if -but scenarios justify your wife's insistence on bringing up the "issue". I think you need to seriously sit down with your wife and have a talk:)
^ wow ... with imagination, sky is the limit. :)
my sis in law never complained (where did I say this? ) let alone you took her to mental breakdown :) she was just opening the gifts with everyone there and from there it was picked up. Once again guys, this was just an example and main point was to know if this kind of behavior is normal (or not so abnormal) thats it ....
I never said your SIL was having a mental breakdown. My apologies if that's how it seemed.
My point was that yeah...it is normal. People do tend to hold on to past hurts and bring it up over and over. But it's an ultimately pointless exercise as it doesn't really solve anything and just causes more hurt. We should try to rise above it and forgive as we'd like to be forgiven.
Edit - Ah. My computer must be messing with me. It didn't show that you were quoting someone else.
my sis in law never complained (where did I say this? ) let alone you took her to mental breakdown :) she was just opening the gifts with everyone there and from there it was picked up. Once again guys, this was just an example and main point was to know if this kind of behavior is normal (or not so abnormal) thats it ....
hehheehe, I know you didn't say that she whined to your wife, and you definitly didn't say she had a mental breakdown:) I just wanted to be sure I covered all possible scenarios:p
in punjabi the process is called “bhajee” where people do the dinner, and give clothes or other gifts.
i often get hear that “us nay bhajee achi nahi ki”
ps. even though its a women thingee, but every men also wants good gifts, good reception, good welcoming, not just for himself but also for his family.
