I am considering having a dress code to my wedding. I will ask my bridesmaids to wear the same color shalwaar kameez (any style, but the color will be the same).
I know in American culture, the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses… right?
I have a few American friends, who will be purchasing shalwaar kameez for my wedding, is it safe to assume that they know they will be required to pay for their own clothing?
What about in desi culture?
If you politely ask your friends for permission to choose the article of clothing that will be worn by them on your wedding, do they assume you are going to pay for the outfit, or are they well aware, that the dress code is a good intentioned request from the humble bride, and it is not a requirement, therefore you if you choose to honor her request, you will be required to purchase you own attire?
I know that I should probably just ASK them if they are aware, but i wanted to get some opinions before asking them to ensure I take the proper approach.
Whenever the lasses in my family have tired the whole 'lets wear the same thing' its always ended in tears. Some lasses have that the attitude that they 'have to look better than such and such' and will not play fairly.
Discuss the dress code with your friends first and then decide about who pays.
Some people are on a budget too, they may have other priorities in terms of where their money is being spent. If I had already bought an outfit and then got told I wasnt allowed to wear that colour, i'd be pretty annoyed. In fact, have been in that situation and I was annoyed. I dont feel that people should dictate what I do and don't wear. If they are not happy about me being at their wedding the way I am, perhaps I don't need to be there in the first place.
Most bridemaids that I know have always had their outfits paid for by the bride.
^ OMG! really? why does the bride have to pay for so many bridemaids dresses! :( lol i just always thought they pay for their own dresses. but i can be wrong :S
i know a friend of mine recently went to her friends wedding, where the bride wanted to have a dresscode for all her friends so all the girls had to wear purple and she wanted them to wear the same exact shade and material so thats why the brides mom bought a whole lot of purple kupra (it was silk) and she gave it to all the girls like enough for one suit and then the girls got their dresses sewed whatever design they wanted. and in this case the brides mom paid for the kupra but not the work or sewing costs which i thought was nice of them as i didn't think the bride actually had to pay for their dresses but since she wanted them to have the exact purple the its only fair that she did that.
so i guess it depends on how much you are expecting from them you kno? if you just say "purple" and they can wear anything they want thts purple i think they should pay for it as its their dress and they get to keep it you know. and its obvious that if someone cant afford to buy a new dress or doesnt find one they like in the color u want.. and they decide to wear something else to ur wedding the wouldnt be kicked out. so if they just decide to accept ur request they shouldnt expect u to pay for it.. in my opinion anyways.
oh and i think even with the same color and even the same material all those girls (abt 15 of them) ended up looking very nice and different. cause all of them had done something different with the material they got (anarkali, capri with long shirt, A line shirts, shalwar kameez, etc) and i thought they all looked really nice so i dont think anyone should make a big deal abt looking better than someone and i hate when ppl do that cause at the end of the day they are there for the bride and to make her day special so if they dont realize that maybe they shouldnt be bridemaids?
anyways i think its a great idea and you should go for it!! and if you want the exact shade and material then IF you can afford it do wht this girl did buy them the material otherwise just tell them tht you think you want to do a dresscode and ask them for their opinion and see how many agree with you if they all agree then go ahead. <3
when you ask your girls to be bridesmaids, it should be understood that they will be paying for their own outfits and helping you plan your wedding, amongst other bridesmaid duties.
for the gora girls in your party, i am sure they know this already. for the desis, you might have to explain it nicely- you could say something like, since my color scheme is turquoise and white, i'd love it if all of you would dress in peach shalwar kameez to compliment me. if the choice of outfit is theirs so long as its peach and shalwar kameez, then its clear that they make/choose their own outfits and of course pay for the clothes themselves. if however you are planning to make outfits for them in a particular style, and don't want to gift these to them, then you have to specify it more clearly- maybe you could say something like "i spoke to the tailor and the outfits will be $150 each. i just wanted to make sure this was ok with you guys before i ordered them."
plus, IMHO, thats the polite thing to do anyway- everyone's financial circumstances are different and you don't want to put one of your bm's in an awkward position by spending too much $$ on the outfit, you know?
in my wedding, all my bm's and even closest friends who weren't members of the bridal party, had identical outfits for mehendi and shaadi. the difference was the mehendi sk's and matching churiyan, were gifted to them from my parents whilst the shaadi sari's they paid for themselves. my parents took it one step further and paid for their mehendi, and their wedding hair and makeup artists which i thought was super generous and very nice of them. same applies to my flower girls. we had their dresses tailored by a family friend from raw silk i bought at a discount fabric store- the parents paid for the dresses, but my parents paid for them to come into the salon with the "grown ups" and get their hair done. it was very sweet.
since i wanted my bm's in matching outfits, i sourced out the saris, found someone to make them and cost them out and then ran the price past them, so they didn't feel like they were going to go broke trying to kit themselves out in bridesmaid gear which so many of my gori friends have complained of. a lot of brides opt for custom made dresses that run around $400 that the bm's will only wear once and its a very stressful experience. at least the saris have been worn again, thank goodness!
oh also, its usual to gift your bm's and your moh something to remember the day by- i gave mine these little black purses from bath and body works with mini lotions and potions in them for pampering. they were about $25 per gift. depending on your budget, you could give them the same or whatever you want!
I am considering having a dress code to my wedding. I will ask my bridesmaids to wear the same color shalwaar kameez (any style, but the color will be the same).
I know in American culture, the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses... right?
I have a few American friends, who will be purchasing shalwaar kameez for my wedding, is it safe to assume that they know they will be required to pay for their own clothing?
What about in desi culture?
If you politely ask your friends for permission to choose the article of clothing that will be worn by them on your wedding, do they assume you are going to pay for the outfit, or are they well aware, that the dress code is a good intentioned request from the humble bride, and it is not a requirement, therefore you if you choose to honor her request, you will be required to purchase you own attire?
I know that I should probably just ASK them if they are aware, but i wanted to get some opinions before asking them to ensure I take the proper approach.
Thanks Ladies!
Desi_BeauTii, my cousin wanted us bridemaids to wear the same exact clothes for one of the events so she paid for it. It was the same color, kaam, and everything. if u just have a color dress code then i don't think they will assume u should pay.
If I were in your shoes...I would sit down with the girls...come to an agreement of the color scheme and overall look you want to acheive first. You will also get an idea of how much the girls are willing to spend this way.
Then, find one place where all of the girls can get their clothes made. Usually, you will find it to be less expensive this way as shop keepers are willing to give discounts for more business.
Finally, simply let them know you negotiated a great price and all they need to do is get their fittings done!