Re: breastfeeding regrets
I woke up to nurse, read this, and decided I needed to reply before going back to sleep, 3am or not.
First, I’m so sorry your went through that. You are a good mom and you did your best, I know you did. I give you a big fat hug from over here. Remember this rule always: happy mama = happy baby.
Second, I had an absolutely hellish time with my first baby too. I had an emergency C, he was mA 9.5lbs and ALWAYS hungry, I had zero support and that led to latching issues, bleeding and cracking, repeated episodes of plugged ducts, massive amounts of guilt and that was just the first week! He was on formula very soon after that and i eventually stopped trying altogether after a very painful bout of mastitis and a serious fever. Fast forward to baby #2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) and I went in armed to the teeth with information- hired the best LC I could find, read everything I could, depended heavily on my BFFs who were all able to nurse successfully, bought my own pump, and most importantly, WENT IN WITH A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE*, and alhamdulillah x 1,000,000 it’s been going well this time around.
*I went in knowing that I would give it my best shot but if it didn’t work, c’est la vie. I wasn’t going to let this stress me out. I would feed my baby however and I would move on because new babies are awesome and I didn’t want to waste a single second of my time worrying about things I couldnt change. Please not that this is not a criticism in any way- the truth is you can only have this perspective as a second time mom. As a first time mom it is impossible to know what you now know and to feel this way, I promise.
You will have a better experience next time inshallah in that I hope if you wish to nurse that it goes well, but if it doesn’t happen, remember that formula is not poison and your baby will thrive on it as he or she would on breastmilk and that you are NOT alone in how you feel, that the learning curve for something so “natural” is very, very steep and that you are an excellent mom, breastfed baby or not.
As an aside, don’t ever rely on a pump to tell you what your supply is. Your baby will remove milk far more efficiently than any pump and very few women actually have low supply. Your body will produce what you need, and especially in the first few weeks, long and frequent nursing sessions are normal. Your baby will cluster feed often, and they’re so little that they do get tired and take their time nursing, but also, they’re new and figuring it out just like you are and unable to communicate their hunger besides crying about it. And very often, they just want comfort. You are their mama and it’s a big scary world for them and holding on to you literally is what calms them. Your smell, your heartbeat, the warmth of your skin. I also know how hard it is to remember that when you are nursing so often and are so tired and recovering. Next time, arm yourself not just with information but also with a support staff. A mother’s helper or nanny, maids or a cook or pre-packaged meals- whatever you need to ensure you are rested as much as possible and can focus on your new baby.
As for now, savour every second with her! Let your anger and bitterness go and just enjoy her. This stage passes all too quickly, and before you know it, you’ll have a threenager on your hands who wants to negotiate bedtime routines with you. Hmph.
:hug:
