Ok lets say someone proposes to you and without thinking twice about it, you just accept the proposal, just because it seems like a great idea at that time and you’re all caught up in the moment or whatnot. You realize that the guy may be good and right for you, but now is not the time for you to be in that sort of a relationship. How would you go about breaking off the engagement? Should you tell him that you want to break it off temporarily, that you’re just not ready… or should you keep mum about it and just avoid the topic of marriage altogether? What should be done in such a situation?
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
do not keep him in the lurch. although you accepted it in the heat of the moment, his reasons for the proposal were probably sincere. It will serve no body any good by not discussing it or avoiding it, signs may be there but he may not be able to read them. dont change your attitude towards him and expect that he will understand. the longer you delay it the more ugly it will get. Tell him the truth, you owe him that much.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Oh no, its not about me... but what if the one who has been proposed to fears that he might not bother waiting around, so she doesnt want to risk losing it all...? Then what's the right way to approach the situation? The dude is in his late 20's and doesnt want to wait much longer...
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
i didnt mean you, just like you didnt mean "me" when you said you. The reason you mentioned is very selfish. This should never be the reason to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person or not.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Hmm, yeah I guess you're right... so then she should just tell him clearly once and for all that right now she's not looking to be in a relationship much less a marriage, and that she might be interested later on down the road, but at the same time tell him that he shouldn't wait around, right? That's what I was thinking.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
exactly Sabriya, you must be 23 year old blond if you needed me to to tell you this. :)
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
- I know this but she's not gonna listen, whatever though. Thanks for the help.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
sabriya,
no one should break an engagement unless one has a really god reason, like someone is in extreme wrong - hurt someone or killed.
if someone did not like someone, all of sudden, that is not good of a reason to break an engagement.
it is very damaging to the person who breaks it and to the person who is made to break the engagement.
it should not ever be done.
open communication will help re consider such a brutal decision.
no two human beings - male and female, should go thru this.
best,
dushwari
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Yeah Dushwari I agree with you, because the guy is totally right for her, but I dunno, she's just not willing to settle down yet or whatever... and she didnt really think it through before accepting... the guy is excited and happy and the girl is now having regrets. Hopefully they'll get it sorted out. She just doesnt know what she wants right now.
I personally think she should just tell him the truth and ask if he would be willing to wait a while, and if not, then her loss...
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Although I agree with Dushwari that you shouldn't break off engagements lightly, I have met a couple of girls now who got married without really tasting freedom. Marriage was a way to get freedom, but they are really unsettled in their marriages. Constantly fighting with husbands and looking for attention from others. I think the main problem is that they weren't ready to settle down. Weddings aren't all fun and games.
If she's not ready to settle, she must tell him. He'll be miserable in the marriage if she can't commit.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
i second that!
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
she needs to break it off and NOW the more time goes by the worse it will get. She cant have her cake and eat it too!! SHe needs to grow up and she cant screw someone elses life up in the process...its fine shes not ready then she shouldnt do it cuz she will be the most unhappy in the end.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Yeah Dushwari I agree with you, because the guy is totally right for her, but I dunno, she's just not willing to settle down yet or whatever... and she didnt really think it through before accepting... the guy is excited and happy and the girl is now having regrets. Hopefully they'll get it sorted out. She just doesnt know what she wants right now.
I personally think she should just tell him the truth and ask if he would be willing to wait a while, and if not, then her loss...
Does she want to live her whole life in those regret..and ofcourse he wont be happy too.The open comunication is laying out those feelings in the open rather then bottling em up till sooner or later they explode.The girl has to be happy with HERSELF..before she can try making somebody else Happy!!.Its not about giving your word, and wat not.A whole lifetime is not something that she'd want to jeopradize.I know the better side would be that she may start falling in love with him..and practically it may sound right.But wat about her heart.If she is regretting it...and thinkis that he'd not wait around much longer...then he was never hers to begin with.Its not really a yes or no...at the moment sort of question...Ofcourse being Asked is really Flattering..and the feeling of being Wanted/Validated by another human being is Really Uplifting...BUT at the same time...If she is regreting it later...then SHE comes first..(First its YOU then it is WE!!!)
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
i will say that i m just not ready :(
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Ok lets say someone proposes to you and without thinking twice about it, you just accept the proposal, just because it seems like a great idea at that time and you're all caught up in the moment or whatnot. You realize that the guy may be good and right for you, but now is not the time for you to be in that sort of a relationship. How would you go about breaking off the engagement? Should you tell him that you want to break it off temporarily, that you're just not ready..... or should you keep mum about it and just avoid the topic of marriage altogether? What should be done in such a situation?
Sabriya
This is life and not like buying a dress and if you don't like that you can return back
you might be matured enough before accepting anyone, if the engagement is done forcefully or by others choice then you don't have a chance
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
motives and personal securedness are very essential for the woman to feel in a man - to bring him home, & to be able to accept him as an honest husband.
marriages are made complicated in certain cultures. in fact, my heart says they are and can be a great way to get to know another human being. both have to make decisions in life together.
religion, cultural values, are guidelines.
parental obligations are to be taken as supportive sides to the central road of happiness and contentment in marriages.
however, what leads up to a successful proposal and marriage and what happens after marriage, the two life partners must bring each other along and stand by each other as a good couple who will not give into fears and doubts.
some women marry because they are taught that they have no other purpose in life, but to serve husband and his family.
some marry because they are in need of some material benefit.
some may want to marry because they want a man who works and toils for money and they only want his money.
& some look forward to marriage for only a really good relationship, in where unconditional care and regard, trust and respect, truthfulness and honesty, dedication and loyalty, lawful intimacy and companionate affection is in the plan. the various challenges of life - parental consent, monetary budgeting, career advancement, studies, moving to another city or state for man or for woman, & planning for starting a family as well as what kind of couple image one would like to have within one's community and families, is solely up to the couple.
some individual women and men are reliant and others are reliable. the reliable and strong ones are always winning. and the weak and insecure ones, have to get better or they dwell in their misery and lack of initiative to pursue their happiness.
breaking a pact of the empty spoken words, engagement or marriage later on, is only unethical.
hope is that couples in our generation, be it an arranged marriage or a self-search for a life partner, (esp. during the age group of 25 -35) will not be a waste of time and only based on true and honest feelings, not merely one sided ones, that are trashed uncaringly by the lowly abuser, because the other side only knows how to be mean and more is less for it, always.
so yes, young women must be really carefull in who they make their life partners.
God is watching over us all.
and more importantly we are accountable to our own own conscience, we better treat it like that - something to be accountable to.
dushwari
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Its a quite simple one really...
If she isnt ready she should tell him so...
If he doesnt wait around then hes more concerned about getting married rather than the girl...
If he cares for her enough then he will understand a delay if he doesnt understand then hes not the right guy...
It doesnt serve any purpose not to tell him...
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
Anyone can wait...but not on a "maybe". If she's not ready, and doesn't know when she will be...it's best to let him go. Otherwise, come up with a reasonable timeline...within the year, two yeras..whatever it may be. Otherwise, it's not fair at all to him.
Re: Breaking off an engagement?
give him the 'it's not you, it's me' and he'll understand..