I can’t defend myself properly ever.. someone confronts me, my first instinct is to run away, to bawl my eyes out.. i cant even say anything when someone is saying something to me becoz im afraid ill either burst out crying, or say something really mean and stupid.. and **i know **it is such a rotten, babyish immature thing to do..i know i gotta fix myself soon, else i will never last in the real world 
I hate that ive never been able to defend myself when I really needed to.. WHat can i do??
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
You know....i have the same exact problem...and yeah, its quite immature. I wonder sometimes why im like that. Maybe a soft upbrining?..
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
I've always been that way myself. I think its because I was raised in an environment where being loud or going against the "flow" was a no-no. No matter where it came from though, its something I've had to deal with big-time.
Now that I have the 3 boys, things are really different. I previously would have done anything and everything to avoid confrontation. But now, with my eldest having troubles, I have to fight for him. I'm learning and its hard. But you find it within yourself especially when its really necessary and most especially when its your little one depending on the success of your fighting for him that makes all the difference.
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
ok im all for standing up for yourself but do i really think its that bad of a habit? depends.....sara some people just enjoy putting others down, using gaali galoch freely and fighting.....who has the time? you can never win around them.... once i slightly bumped into a lady on the road and she started cursing at me....i got pretty mad but i walked away because i sensed she WANTED to curse and getting into a curse match with her will only make it worse.
so...decide for yourself, if someone puts you down get right back at them...if not at that moment but maybe later but if you sense they are actually looking to get kicks outta having a fight with you and will gossip about that fight for years to come...just walk away.
also in cases where you have to defend your position in arguments....i guess only practice makes perfect....
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
Okay, this was the incident that prompted this question.. my dad asked me a question, a simple question, that I couldn't answer.. and i lamely tried to defend myself by saying "not everyone knows what they wanna do with the rest of their life careerwise when they're in college/HS" and my dad said yeah there r ppl like that, "they're stupid , bewakoof" etc.. i jus twalked away n went to my room, I had soo many things to say to that, but I cudnt get em out.. i can act this way in front of my mom, i dont feel ashamed or embarrassed, n i've never cried in front of any of my friends or classmates (well, since i was in college :p ) but i dunno.. i felt so low :(
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
Sara, there's nothing wrong with going to your room, thinking things out, putting your thoughts in order, and then going back to your dad and telling him what you meant to say in the first place. Write down your points if you need to. And go over them a couple of times, then go back to your dad and tell him. He'll appreciate it more that you went back and gave him a sensible answer. Better late than never. We all get tongue-tied, and most of us DO need time to think things through before we reply. Don't feel bad about it. Practice on your weakness, and you'll find it easier to deal with the next time around.
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
well from another angle its not really a bad habit… u shud b proud of ur upbringing:k:
goes to show ur not mean as those who put u down and da fact tat u dun stoop to their level, well done!!!
yess sometimes we do need to stand up for ourselves, but most of da time its not worth da fight and da quarrel and da scene!
i always believe da only way to teach others a lesson is by being cool and not get affected by their meanness
and someday they will learn da consequences of their evil actions da hard way.
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
u gonna get SMACKED one day buddy!
Re: Breaking a bad habit?..
First thing you should tell him is how you felt when he said those words. Feeling bad without telling him won't change anything.
Go for it! Go to your father and say "Dad, I know you want the best for me when you said only stupid people don't know what to do with their life. I am feeling very bad because you think that I am stupid. I am trying really hard to find direction. Can we talk on what options are open to me?"