Thats often the question on young minds when they have to choose between family or the love of their life. After being bombarded with movies across the border, running away or suicide is the solution to the little minds when capsulated with no options given by their elders. Both boy and girl run off to a distant terrain higher than cloud number nine and hide either in misery or ecstacy.
This is another issue in our society that has been in the air but never addressed openly without being judged. Why is it that these parents are so adamant on keeping arranged marriages and ask their child to abide by the guidelines of sleeping with a stranger on the first night?!
What do they expect if not rebellion? Why can’t they be a bit lax? Why must they bring religion in when needed and culture is what really is talking?
Why is it that once the child has run away from his/her out of pressure that everyone keeps distant of the family in trouble?? Aren’t people suppose to help those in need? Why has it been deemed such a taboo? Is it because the assumption that the boy and girl may have committed the sin of sleeping together? Why even think of it? Why can’t we help them or put them through tests if they can stick it out throughout showing that they really do care for each other?
Then the questions of dignity come in? Why? What has dignity got to do anything when it comes to two peoples lives??
In my opinion parents should be passive rather than active decision makers for the prospective spouse of their child.
Most if not all of us have stories of whom we know that has done this very deed. I wouldn’t say its bad, but it isn’t great either!
What is your outlook on it? Put yourself in a parents shoes and then the one who has to choose. Think about it.
CocoNut I dont get your point. Blood should be beloved too. why're you making it sound like, at one end its someone you love, and at the other end is a barrier? Parents raise their kids, spend time money and love, and the kid finally decides to take off because he's found someone else he loves. In essence he's cutting off a mature and permanent relationship for something floopy.
Ofcourse, its the kid who's marrying, and he or she should have more of a say in who they marry. To be honest, in the present day and age, I have yet to come across any set of parents who're strictly adamant on putting the kid in an arranged marriage, unless you're talking of some tribe or village in some underdeveloped part of Pakistan. THERE we can agree that parents make it an issue of dignity and what not.
and for the families that you talk about, where kids picking their spouse is a taboo, thats more of a stupid cultural practice more than anything else. Kind of a pre-concieved thought that if the kid is interested in someone, they have unnecessary relations with the opp. sex.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by ammarr: *
CocoNut I dont get your point. Blood *should be beloved too. why're you making it sound like, at one end its someone you love, and at the other end is a barrier? Parents raise their kids, spend time money and love, and the kid finally decides to take off because he's found someone else he loves. In essence he's cutting off a mature and permanent relationship for something floopy.
[/quote]
How could you say the other end is floppy? It can be sure as a shamrock. Sure, the parents bring the kid up but they do act as a barrier and I can bet most people can vouch for that.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ammarr: *
Ofcourse, its the kid who's marrying, and he or she should have more of a say in who they marry. To be honest, in the present day and age, I have yet to come across any set of parents who're strictly adamant on putting the kid in an arranged marriage, unless you're talking of some tribe or village in some underdeveloped part of Pakistan. THERE we can agree that parents make it an issue of dignity and what not.
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You haven't seen many parents whom have made their children marry according to their choice. Hey, forget meeting them..just look at the online discussion boards with complaints of all sorts from either guy or girl. I'm sorry to say but it seems you're living in a shell and not seeing what actually happens. There are some who agree with what their parents say all the way and the others who want independance by finding and picking their own. The issue of dignity comes into play when others find out the family's daughter/son has picked someone on their own. Its happened and I've seen it happen on more than enough levels.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ammarr: *
and for the families that you talk about, where kids picking their spouse is a taboo, thats more of a stupid cultural practice more than anything else. Kind of a pre-concieved thought that if the kid is interested in someone, they have unnecessary relations with the opp. sex.
[/QUOTE]
That stupid practice happens more than anything else.
Well at the end of it all it depnds how much faith your parents have in u about making a right decion, if they trust you enough they will go with your choice if not then ofcourse they will try to stop you from doing which they think is wrong. Anyhow i dont understand how someone can dump his familyi.e parents,brothers sisters and still be happy, i simply dont understand that part. I personally would rather chose my family to be happy rather then me being selfish.
no-one can change culture, in islam if u like someone u r given the right to ask ure parents for that person, but i find that our culture overrides this and obviously its unquestionable
what i find in the arabs culture is that the guy in question asks the girls father himself regardless of his family bcos he knows they will follow his decision without question, which is i think a better system than what we have -im not talking abt the arranged part im talking abt the part where desis actually find the rishta its always through someone else never quite as direct as the arabs
personally i think that if two desi ppl like each other the parents should go ahead with it, by not doing so they would not destroy 2 lives but 4 bcos the arranged spouses for their kids would probably regret the fact their husband/wife feels more strongly abt someone else