Blast from the Past

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Blast from the Past

she succeed in her mission. she will be on ur nerves and mind for god knows how long. perfect way to torture someone.

22

has anyone noticed a pattern. after highschool or university, staying in touch with friends causes more resentment than happiness. i feel this is the case 90% of the time seeing all the stories here.

ps- maybe she is just trying to make herself look better than you or putting you down by showing you that she has a rich abcd husband but you are engaged to a penniless urdu poet fob.

23

Re: Blast from the Past

^ What was that all about???

If you dont like what you're reading...get out.

Plain and simple.

24

Re: Blast from the Past

RV and SU, that was sooooooooo on point! I literally was dying to get out of there but hoping that she had gotten better. Sadly, I was disappointed.

Its so strange isnt it? You meet up with someone after so long just for this? I think Im going to stay away from her...whats the point? I am interested in meeting up with the other girls so I might actually have dinne with them one night but just to get phone #s and catch up with the lost crowd.

25

Re: Blast from the Past

i v a friend like this, thank god he is in pakistan for a month now and my life is going bit relaxed. he has the same showing off problem. some things are ok in him and some things i really dont like. u cant just get rid of em. i try to ignore and keep my interaction with him less and less.

26

Hey PSquared :)

I think what Haimeradil is trying to say is that she thinks your friend Anna perceives her husband to be better/richer than yours (out of jealousy and insecurity). I'm assuming that Haimeradil is wording things in an exaggerated way from what she thinks might be Anna's insane perspective. I think the way Haimeradil worded it just went completely wrong :o without thinking, i guess.

The way you've described your fiance in some of your posts....he seems like an awesome guy. Who knows and who cares what Anna thinks. The girl seems like a character.

27

Re: Blast from the Past

I hope thats what she meant. And RV, he is an amazing guy...Im really a lucky girl.

You know what irritated me about my meeting with her? I used to think we were kindred spirits. I always thought she was my "soul sister" in a way because we took care of each other. Now, it seems like she is simply a housewife spending her husband's cash and looking down on other people. We always promised ourselves we would never be like that. Yet here she is, its disappointing and a let down. You expect people to grow, mature and wisen up. You also get excited because you want to see everyone in different stages of their lives, kwim? Its fun to see the same scrawny kids grow up to be adults and moving on with their lives.

28

PS,

From my experience with friends, I don't even feel comfortable bestowing anyone with the title of "best friend" anymore. You risk yourself getting hurt that way. I have a small circle of close sincere friends and I'm happy with that. Sometimes people, like your friend, brag because they want to make themselves feel happy. Maybe the bragging is like a band-aid for some of their personal wounds.

I just realized something. You friend is Indian, so she's Desi. And in Desi culture in general, it is frowned upon to get divorced. Actually "frowned upon" is putting it lightly. Divorce in Desi culture is a social stigma, it's like an ugly stain, and society unfairly targets the woman as the failure in the marriage...if it ends in divorce. Perhaps Anna feels insecure about her first marriage ending in divorce. Maybe people made her feel self-conscious about it. Maybe she feels that society must think she's a failure because of her first marriage.....and that's why she goes out of her way to show people that her second marriage is "so much better", "more successful", "so worth the divorce" , or even that "I am STILL a good wife and capable of being loved by a man and showered with his attention even though it didn't work out the first time."

29

Re: Blast from the Past

Look the answer is rather obvious. She irritates you, you don't like how she acts and frankly don't want to be around her. You aren't her friend. Not anymore and haven't been for some time. The past is just that the past.

So the answer is as follows:

  1. First invite to go out - you have a previous engagement can't break it.
  2. Second invite - say yes and then call later saying you were forced to stay at work for some reason.
  3. Third invite - say you had a long day and are tired.

Don't break contact yourself. Just state you are busy or can't make it. Let her know subtly that your life does not involve her as much as it did before and you are your own person. Its time you should some back bone.

EID@--- mubarik To EVERY ONE
30

Re: Blast from the Past

In my experience, I've always felt bad for people who are like Anna. What is money ? A ring a big house a trip to Hawaii ? That is it. Money won't buy you the family support that you have PS (A'H), it won't buy you the love that you got from your big family. I've had friends/acquaintances like that and its always that they seem soo happy on the outside by these material things but when they rest their head at night they realize just how lonely it is. And perhaps (I may very well be wrong!!) she wishes she has what you have. Do u reallllyy think she would be friends with someone who is EXACTLY like her ?? anyway .. she has her issues, needs to grow up and a reality check. But you have to do whats good for you. You did your part; you were there for her even at times when she wasn't there for you, and at least you walk away without any "What if's".

Basically, is having her back in your life going to make a difference (positive energy vs. negative energy)? and then you move on from there..

31

Re: Blast from the Past

I wouldnt bother with her again. Just let her know that you are busy with family, fiance etc and cannot hangout and when you have time, you will let her know. You dont have to be super duper sweet to her anymore.

32

Re: Blast from the Past

I dont think its worth the headache to invite her back as a friend into my personal life. Its waaaay too time consuming and seems like a project more then a happy connection with an old friend. I guess I thought about it so much because Im surprised and also annoyed with her behavior...still the same and all about me me me. I cant do this again. Sometimes its a tough call because you sooo want to see the good in people, kwim? You want to believe these are well wishers. How could they not be? They were there for your first everything. However, this is life...some people never change.

Guest of the Week- Jiia
33

Re: Blast from the Past

true say re: some people never change. I hate growing up - having to make these type of decisions and realizing the truth about people (and everything really) :s

create new language
create new language
34

Re: Blast from the Past

PSquared - If you don't have much in common (it seems like you don't with Anna) you can just be acquaintances.

Once you get married you'll have such little time to give to your family and friends so make sure your time is well spent with people that you like and want to spend time with.

You don't need to be rude but just distance yourself.

35

Re: Blast from the Past

hhmmm sometimes u try to convince urself that you are all happy wid life and wid ur patner by telling ur frds that luk i possess all these things that other girls desire for so therefore i am happy....

maybe deep down these things dont value at all to her.....

my 2 cent !

36

I give a gr8 value to your 2 cents.

May be she wanted to share something deep down.

37

PS .. I can understand you are annoyed and disappointed with her. I've been in somewhat the same boat as you. I had a very close friend (arabic gal) in high school, we were like glued together, did everything together. While we were in 12th grade she got married to her distant cousin of her own choice and still, our friendship was great, maybe because we used to see each other everyday? .. Anyhow after our graduation she got pregnant and after her delivery, for some reason she got divorced.

I was there for her. Used to talk to her all day long, we would sms and she would even just call me up and let me know she was coming at my home at any hour - I never minded although my mum used to think otherwise :p. Suddenly we started to loose contact .. if I would ask her for some help or if we should meet up she wouldnt reply the sms so often or she would reply after days .. no calls .. At that moment I didnt know what was the cause - was it something I had said or done maybe?, but after some time she told me pr. sms that she was getting engaged (in their culture - nikkahfied). At that moment I understood clearly what it was.. She did exactly what she had done to other friends when entering college/getting married .. and after that we lost almost all contact .. we send sms on Eid, Ramadan and new yr .. and only met once last yr ..

Before our last meeting I was kinda sad that there was a new distance between us now and i felt I had lost a good friend .. but during our lil cafe meeting I realized it was all about her and her and her .. all abt her new fiance, how nice he was and how much better he was .. The exact words she used to describe her exhusband with .. I'm happy she is happy .. but I lost some close relatives in the time we hadnt seen each other and she knows well, but not once did she mention them or anything .. it was all about me and me and me... These kinds of "friends" are the socalled "hello shello friends" .. No need to put efford into these relationships..

38

Re: Blast from the Past

friends are the ones who specially stick to u in ur hard times. the toughest times of ur life are the test of friends and near ones and if they are nowhere in such times then there is nothing to trust at in all the relations. i agree that after getting apart from each other whether it be job, moving to a far place or getting married a friend has a special earned place and that comes out of a healthy give and take process. it demands sncerity and in ur case it's nowhere seen, it seems more of HER, which makes it obvious that whatever the reasons might be friends should think and care for each other. she is going to approach you only wen she has something to show off as u din't bother abt her(this is what she wanted). now, she would contact you to tell that she has other happy things as well and she would like to b there in your thoughts so, my suggestion don't let her to b there in ur thoughts even, just try to greet her well but do ignore her as well so meet her but with a HEALTHY DISTANCE which i think is good for all sorts of relations.

39

The way you feel makes soo much sense! But like you said, it's life and needs to be accepted. People never change and sometimes in our eyes, they just change so much. I hate it when things like that happen, just such a horrible thought to have to deal with it.. Hope everything goes well with you. Don't let this Anna girl use you a second time.. -xxx

40

That sounds soooo famiiar to me PS..
I used to have a friend like that, and we were pretty close friends for a couple of years. After high school all changed, because I just got sick of her behaviour. Didn't have the energy anymore to put up with it. I felt used and I let her know.

We lost contact, although she lived in the same neighbourhood as I did. Last year however, we met again at a party. She came back from Hajj, so I thought she must've changed. I congratulated her and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked for my number, since she had my puraana number. I gave it to her..

Now I realized she's still the same person I had never want to have anything to do with anymore. Also I realized, there's no point in stressing about it. Some people will stay the same their whole life, and that's something that nobody but themselves can change. Eventhough she knew how I felt, she didn't bother changing and behaved with me in the same manner as she did years ago.

So now I just let her be. I do still have contact with her, but I don't let her come too close. Regardless of ignoring her, we will run into eachother eventually... so what's the point?

Just keep in contact with her, but do let her know how you felt back then. Keep it easy, not alot of contact, no need to let her barge in again. And don't let anyone use you. Nobody has the right to do that to you.

Good luck PS.. Hope things will work out for the best, Insh'Allah.