why do some people, elders mostly, act so bitter in general?
does it have to do with their claim on being merely odler, with ‘more’ experience’ in life?
or is it mal-adaptive and pathological in nature?
how can the younger generation handle this aspect of elders’ personalities and/or a learnt behavior, effectively?
Re: bitterness
I've been wondering that myself. Well sorta.
I think expectations have alot to do with it. People have alot of expectations abt something, abt how life will turn out and if it doesnt go that way, they get depressed and bitter...
Expect something, get nothing. Expect nothing and get everything.
I have no idea how to deal w/ it.
Re: bitterness
nice. on the dot 516!
keep the literati real! :>
good luck:>
Re: bitterness
i ignore or stay away from such elders. i they are not nice with me. I just stay away from them without saying anything to them. Because of this those people then say about me that i am stuck up! but I dont care.
Re: bitterness
^didn't understand what you said.
I agree with Sara. I think it has alot to do with expectation, maybe the feeling that no one understands, and no one appreciates. I know when i m bitter, these are probably more likely reasons.
Re: bitterness
& when you do even that - that stay away from them, they still talk about you. is it a test of patience, don't they have any better thing to do than this?
does Allah not see them & their misery as unhappy people?
Re: bitterness
Sometimes elders can be genuinely bitter about the way that their lives have turned out. There have probably been more societal changes in south asian culture during this generation than at any other time in recent history, so people who expected that they would make certain decisions in the lives of their children or spend their days in a certain way and so on are finding that this is not the case.
Re: bitterness
I dont think people all of a sudden become bitter. I think they were that way from early-on, and it simply becomes more pronounced as time goes by.
But thats my opinion.
I think one should try and talk to them and remind them why they should be thankful for what they have. If they still remain that way, then simply pray for them, and pray that Allah protect you from such a mental state in the future.
Re: bitterness
if they r bitter . . . be nice to them
if the r still bitter . . . be xtra nice to them
if they r still bitter . . . dont back off . . . show them u care
if they r still bitter . . . start everything over again
one day they will lose
Re: bitterness
Munni,
you're right. showing where they are wrong is a good way to make them realize, hopefully.
EMM, thanks for the perspective,
although i could use your plumbing wrench to drain people of their bitterness, but, i will give it a try to use kindness, instead. it is true, we should not let people get away with the better out of ourselves.
Re: bitterness
who are these ppl
ppl close to me I eal wit their bitterness and try to be a positive factor in their lives. bring smiles to their faces, not be judgemental and even try to help them address ssome of their itterness by being sympathetic and chaneling their energies into positive areas.
ppl that are not close, I just dont bother with their bitterness, you meet em so infrequently, its not too hard to smile and have a nice chat even if they are being complete idiots, and just walk away.
ppl who are bitter and try to get on my case even when I am only trying to be nice, get either cut off from my life, or get confronted head on full force.
everyone has hangups. I dont have time or energy to deal with other's hangups when I dont need to. I can not undo the decades worth of messing up of themselves that they have done to themselves. In most cases I just side step their bitterness, do what I need to do, and get away.
Re: bitterness
when u see too much in life...u get like that
its better for people who are innocent and naive to stay innnocent cuz seeing alot in life makes u a bitter/unhappy person!
Re: bitterness
its better for people who are innocent and naive to stay innnocent cuz seeing alot in life makes u a bitter/unhappy person!
not necessarily . . . if u know how to cope with such things in life then it can't really make u unhappy.
Re: bitterness
you are right. these people are filled with unhappiness and they expect others to pity them, make their ownselves look good, and right.
they have no regard for others’ privacy and respect. they are so insecure that saying anything even good to them, will make them back bite about you more.
their mental condition is fraught with insecurities, and guilty feelings.
they are unable to categorize their responsibilities, and fulfill others’ rights on them.
they are consistently looking for support, where as they have already annoyed people, from whom they expect support. how stupid is this logic?
what’s more, it gets worse… they are NEVER HAPPY. 
Re: bitterness
^ You sound bitter, easy chica :-p
Re: bitterness
nahee, chicken.
actually i am writing a paper on it. & the more i am reading on the condition, the more it is clearler that even with intervention, some people do not RECOVER from their ill-will & are unable to become nice, trusting social human beings.
Re: bitterness
so its THEIR fault . .. y take it out on others:confused:
Re: bitterness
dushi i don't know what kind of elders you have been hanging out with. Alhamdulilah I have come across the ones that are happy and satisfied with their lives. I doubt that there is any person out there that doesn't regret what had hapened to them over their lifetime, and wishes things were different, but that isn't bitterness. Many are thankfull over and over again with what little or a lot they have, because they have seen what it could be if they didn't.
My honest observation has been that those who are bitter in their later life were bitter when they were younger. And it isn't like we should abondon them either. We should sit with them, and interact with them. Because many a times the bitterness results in when you don't have an avenue to let out whatever it is that has been sitting in you.
Re: bitterness
mash Allah, my elders are fine. the topic was meant to be discussed as a general topic. besides, we are all a bit neurotic - anxious yet thankful.
ups and down in life do come.
people weep, cry or become withdrawn, yet, the strong family and kinship bonds are the ones in which people can do all this - i.e. cause hurt by something insensitive said or done & then, regrets over time. the sort of bitterness i am talking about is of the kind you pointed out - over time embitterment.
people can be still happy, when sad, if the rest of their lives are well set, but they cannot be happy, if everything in their lives is up side down.
the miserable people are the ones who see the good in others, and they themselves are able to recognize it humbly - yet, they do not do, since they have some kind of a mental attitude that makes them displace their insecurities however unrelated they might be. onto those around them.
as suggested by some commenters above, such people need an excellent test of our patience in reconfiguring their ill-adaptive annoying, begrudged, unhappy and restless behaviors.
Re: bitterness
I don't think it is a societal issue, only limited to South Asian culture. Not following your footsteps, I would refrain from pointing out other nationalities and cultures where I have personally observed such behaviours.