I was watching a wedding video
of some 'cousins ’ in pakistan the
otherday…
And it couldn’t pass my atention when they started ’ showing off ’ all the clothes
and jewellery and furniture that the
bride’s family gave to her ..
Is this strictly right ?
Or is it something else we have inherited from our Hindu neighbours ?
I just feel that it is a terrible waste of
money …
A confused
Abi
An excellent topic....you know you should put this in religious forum...if you wana see it in pakistan culture than its not that different than hindu cultures but a muslim should live by the islamic rule well one should try to live with islamic rule...i think its MAJOR waste of money people do it to show off you know...i think giving money to bride and marajjj jee is the best they can do what ever they want with it and they dont have to complain about things that they dont like and have to give those things to kaammi who work in the house...
Jaawan
Till next time**Keep_It_Simple_Stupid**©
if ppl can afford and want to buy stuff then thats their right ......
--<--@ In Life there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found @-->--
Well..showing off and superficial pride isn't "right" in islam....but were you asking islamically? or culturally?
Anyways...sallama I'm moving this to Arts and Culture section please respond there.
ps. sallam Did you send me an email about your addy change? um you can change that on your own profile...up on the top right.
Good topic.
Dowry is a social evil and it is great that Islam prohibits it. From the minor knowledge of other religions that I have, I don't think it is mandatory in any other religion either. It boils down to the inferior treatment of women in our society from ages. Prohibiting it in religion is one way of getting rid of it. The best way in my view is to educate and empower women. An educated woman with self confidence in herself benefits the best to both her parents and her in laws.
i think giving money to bride and marajjj jee is the best they can do what ever they
want with it<<
I don't think you got what the topic is. Money is another form of dowry and showoff. Why girl's family should give any dowry to boy's family...money or otherwise?
CM
CM
girls parents dont give money and dowry to the boy's parents
their intentions are to give their daugters enough to start her own house with her hubby
now if the boy and his family is uneducated and totally ganwar then thats their problem
see it as this way if i have the latest model of BMW i wouldnt rot it in my garage
instead i will be having a spin all over the town
its human nature when you have something you want to show it
it depends on ppl's nature so if you dont wanto show off dont
but dont judge others or put down others when they do so
--<--@ In Life there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found @-->--
I think in Arabs, it was other way round, groom's parents pay.
in india, women did not have right to inheritance of parents property. dowry was all they got from parents. but now law gives them right of inheritance, but dowry still exists.
In this day and age custom of dowry should be done away with. Women and men both are equally valuable part of the unit they should only bring themselves to marriage. Most of the time’s completely incompatible people marry each other for the sake of dowry.
People giving huge dowries in India are usually corrupt businessmen or politicians. Who use their black money or money earned by illegal means, to show off and set a trend which honest and decent people cannot match.
This is a degrading custom, which lowers women's value as person. Women is only valued for the money her parents can give, not for what she is, which is very sad.
By giving importance to things you shift the attention away from the real purpose of a marriage. Islamically speaking there is no concept of dowry. I believe that even in the hindu religion there was no dowry until about 50 years ago except for the higher castes. But today's world is increasingly materialist and it's hard for people to think about human values when there are ways to get more things and parents feel they have to get their daughters married off at any cost. Things will only change when women can decide what to do with their own lives.
The saddest thing is that due to Dowry expectations a number of girls stay single even if they want to get married.
If you are an average looking woman from a poor household in Pakistan...you are in general SOL. If you are educated, that is a point against you. People will get scared if the woman is more educated than the husband.
Coming back to the initial question. I think its allright for parents to give what they want to their daughter. It should not be based on a demand or upon expectations. Being discrete about it is also a good idea.
This showing off of stuff is so cheap, yet so many so called educated and cultured people do it. Epitomizes the term "Parrhay Likhay Jahil"
Fraudia i wont call showoffs parhay likhay jahil at all
all ppl including you and me show off in different ways
some ppl like to brag bout their kids
some bout their wives
some wanto others to see them in their cool cars
there is nothing wrong with showing off
if one has worked hard enough for something and wanto enjoy their hard work then its their right to
dowries shouldnt be made essential but if ppl can afford and wanto give then who are others to point fingers
--<--@ In Life there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found @-->--
I agrre with Sallama about the showing off. The amount of clothes that are produced at some of these weddings it can't be of any practical use to the bride. It's a huge waste IMO and then families start competing to see if they can produce a more lavish show.
By all means, spend money on a nice wedding if you can afford it, but money spent on dozens of sets of clothes, most of which probably won't even get worn, is not a great decision.
Dowry system is still up and running. I know of one very wealthy Indian family who took their boy to India to get married and made such exorbitant demands for dowry from the girl's family that in the end the girl's father threw them out saying his daughter was not some leper that he was desperate to get rid of.
Anchal there is difference in how and why you showoff. Most ppl in Pak don’t show Bhari or Dowry because they’re pride of what they are giving their daughters. It’s often needed, as the grooms family in many cases dictates how much and how expensive etc. Therefore if you’ve sold your soul to buy the dowry you can not be proud of the things.
So saying that parents ‘give to their daughters’ is not always the case, that’s just one way of packing things – if you’re giving something to your kid’s you wont worry about what ppl may or may not think, nor will brothers and father commit suicide if they can’t buy enough for their sisters and daughter. Those jahils are too many to be ignored.
Besides dowry to uneducated daughters is understandable, how come educated and independent women need help to start off a new life? Where is ghairat of those men who demand directly or in-directly, by not objecting when their parents make the lists? It’s none responsibility to make sure that we after marriage are living luxurious lifes. Dowry and stuff are main reason behind women rights violations.
[quote]
Originally posted by Anchal:
**dowries shouldnt be made essential but if ppl can afford and wanto give then who are others to point fingers
**
[/quote]
Numero Uno...I dont oppose dowries...if parents what to give something to their daughter of their own free will, thats their business and no one should interfere.
But..if they are coerced/forced into it whether actively by the groom's side or inactively due to society's expectations..then its wrong..a social issue and everyone's concern since everyone is a part of the society.
People who exhibit what they are giving put pressures on people who are not able to give all that to do it because it becomes an issue of izzat and how much the daughter means to them.
Its a load a crap if you ask me, and people propogating, supporting and promoting such social ills should have fingers pointed at them..not in admiration...but in condemnation.
'Nuff said
fraudia
giving under pressure i am not favouring
what i am saying is if my daughter gets married i will surely lavish her with all that i can and nobody is going to stop me
i think ppl should mind their business and reform themselves
--<--@ In Life there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found @-->--
Anchal said:
but then I am sure you will do that for her anyway before she gets married and even if she doesn't, right?
Shirin absolutely :)
--<--@ In Life there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found @-->--
People are just saying that dowry is bad and it shouldn't be given etc etc. Fair enough. Let me explain it why is it given and what is the purpose of dowry.
Dowry in islam: The man pays the "Haq-Mehar" and womens' wali (usually father) buys the stuff from that money and gives it to her daughter, its walis' decision if he wants to add some from his own pocket or not. Mostly father gives something from his own pocket and the reason is that he is the father and that stuff is given as sentimental value of the relationship between daughter and father.
Dowry in India & Pakistan: Men pays 32.75 rupees "Haq-Mehar" and expects that his wife will bring the dowry for such such hunderd thousand or may be million rupees. The dowry actually started in Hindu religion because women didn't have any right to the property of the father so father used to give her share in the shape of dowry. So culturally we (muslims) adopted the same ritual, because most of us are decent of the same race, and our predessorcers brought it with them and we are following them. But a muslim women has the priority right to the fathers property and son cant claim his right to the deceased father unless the share of the daughter is paid (its according to Islamic heritage law).
Now the problem is not giving dowry. The problem now is boys mother, she simply doesn't accept the daughter-in-law if the D-in-law doesn't bring good dowry with her. We hear the news "Cholha phatnay say bahu halak" its not cholha which is making problems its the bahu, who didn't bring good dowry or couldn't give birth to a son etc etc. The main reason is not the husband its a woman again, mostly her mother in law. Kabhee kabhee mujhay apnee Nani-jaan kee baat yaad aatee hay jo kaha karteen theen, Admi kabhee aurat ka dushman nahee hota, hamaisha aurat hee aurat kee dushman hotee hay.
Regards.