Re: bhabi issue
No if she was a man, she wouldn’t be told to get over it. She would be told her issues were ok.
As for the OP, I don’t think your bhabi needs to get over anything for your sake or your phupo or your chachi. Whatever’s to all that. She might get over it because it’s important to her husband (your bro) but that is between them and has nothing to do with you.
I think that our culture pressures people to keep toxic individuals in their lives. The way you describe your dad’s family, they sound toxic and I don’t think your bhabhi should be forced to keep them in your life.
I know people are like old people act like douchebags, but younger people should let it go. Why? I think not being rude back is the extent of courtesy they are entitled to. You act like a douche, you should be treated like one.