So, another change I’m gonna make in my life, but I need help.
After you feel like you’ve gotten punched around, after friends have essentially been TOXIC to you, after you feel like you’ve been victimized by a lot of people, I figure at least in my case, I’ve been overly sensitive and whereas most people would be like, ok, this person doesn’t care about me → therefore, I will not spend time on them → my relationships have not been like this.
So this naturally leads to a lot of ANGER and resentment.
So how do you get yourself out of this mindset?
How do you just change yourself from being a negative person due to past neg experiences, and become a positive person. And I know, the answer is let go and forgive, but I need more concrete ways in which to do that.
I figure this is a good general topic for life and RELATIONSHIPS, and everyone can learn a little here, so, hence this is not a blog entry moaning about my life.
Things get rough sometimes, and some people bounce back easy. I haven't. How do I bounce back and move on?
All the people who have wronged me repeatedly have been cut out. I don't openly ignore them or speak to them rudely. But I cut my communication with them down to a bare minimum. Quite simply, they just aren't worth my time. I'll never approach them or tell what they've done wrong. You shouldn't either.
Why? Becuase I choose to ignore alot of things, but repeated transgressions are just too much. And if even after telling them once they don't understand well then, kisi ko samjhanay ka thayka nahi lia.
You just have to remember that losing these people and not having them in your life wont kill you and will just make you more happier.
**
You have too much to live for to let people like this bring you down. They aren't worth your time and definetly not worth being sad over.**
Ofcourse these are just friends. It's different with family.
forgive them meaning you dont harbor negativity, does not mean now you trust them or have forgotten lessons learnt, its as if you knew what someone was like to begin with and then made different decisions about level or type of interaction. dont get emotionally vested in trying to avoid them or being something else just because of past history, be you, make different decisions, different level of interaction but move on.
Do as I say not as I do ( because I have same problems in terms of dealing with self centered folks. So here we go, waning lyrically ( not literally)
Be a giver to those who deserve your generosity
treat others in kind - do unto them as they do unto you. Reward yourself when you succeed in dealing with the ones who treat others like crape.
Know that if you are angry at them you are wasting your energy. Some twisted folks revel in others' misery. Don't give them the satisfaction.
Above all don't let them see you sweat.
The wife talks about someone who gave her a great tip - smile at the offender - all the time thinking a_hode
Do as I say not as I do ( because I have same problems in terms of dealing with self centered folks. So here we go, waning lyrically ( not literally)
Be a giver to those who deserve your generosity
treat others in kind - do unto them as they do unto you. Reward yourself when you succeed in dealing with the ones who treat others like crape.
Know that if you are angry at them you are wasting your energy. Some twisted folks revel in others' misery. Don't give them the satisfaction.
Above all don't let them see you sweat.
The wife talks about someone who gave her a great tip - smile at the offender - all the time thinking a_hode
Spend time with less fortunate people, those who are ill, have a tough life for whatever reason and your perspective will automatically become positive. It works 100%.
The reason I gave the above advice is because no matter how much you try to not resent ppl who harmed you, a slight grudge will always exist. so really, you need to accompany urself with the less fortunate. I have a muslim convert friend and she hasnet seen her kids for 9 yrs. Almost makes me feel like a fool for being resentful with people.
Spend time with less fortunate people, those who are ill, have a tough life for whatever reason and your perspective will automatically become positive. It works 100%.
get yourself very busy in a new environment,new people around.Change of job/getting a new one/engage into some social work..or get admission into a new course...list can be endless...i'm obviously not sure,but you know what i mean..get some 'change' around you.
I think sticking to your decisions may help. As Khaansi up above said, if your “friends” (you can’t even call them that) have provided sufficient and consistent demonstrations of chitiness in character…don’t invite them back into your life, PCG. Not during Ramzan…not when you’re sick…just don’t. You open yourself to getting hurt again and it becomes a cycle. Greatly reduce your expectations to protect yourself. Easier said than done, I know. Best wishes.
PakistaniMard made a good point about starting fresh. I would add that you don't have to move to a new place physically, that would help, but move to a new place emotionally.
Big city, plenty of people.,you can ditch your current crop of clowns and not do with anything with them ever again and not miss it.
Anyway, so my technique is a cheesy one but it worked for me at one point in my life:
I prayed...not five times a day and didn't become a mullani overnight. But I did pray. I prayed or read some Qur'an every time I felt like I was going back there. For some reason, it gave me sukoon and the ability to forgive people a lot more easily. I didn't feel as anxious or as volatile anymore. It made me calm and helped me make better decisions. It also gave me patience.
I feel perspective changes when you become involved in something other than you PCG. Meaning, when you make your life about you and something else...some sort of cause, benefit or dream that is not all about you. When you start to see people in different situations...less fortunate and more fortunate. You realize what you have and also what you can aspire to become. You feel better about what's happened and hopeful for what could happen. If I were you, I'd find something I truly believed in and become a part of it. You don't have to head organizations or become a spokesperson...you can do something simple like hand out peanut butter/jelly sandwiches to hungry people. You can do so much in your own little way...and it also benefits you in the end.
