Best age to get married?

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: Best age to get married?

[quote=“Paheli00”]

Yes but there is a big difference b/c stopping a girl from getting a education/job compared to stopping a girl who already has a career from continuing to work.

  1. A 22 year old girl who hasn’t finished her education and/or does not have a job already. She is told by her in-laws and/or husband after marriage that she can not continue her education OR cannot get a job. So this girl can either “compromise” or leave husband and move back in with her parents/feel like she’s being a burden on parents. Of course, things are more complicated if her parents are old, has health/financial issues etc.

  2. A 27 year old girl who is already done with her bachelors/masters whatever…and has a job. In fact, she has worked for a year or two at least, has her own savings etc. If she is told to give up her job after marriage…she can choose to do that OR she can choose to leave and easily move out on her own since she already has a source of income/savings, and has confidence that she can take care of herself.

I don’t know about you but I believe the girl in scenario #2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) is the one with 2 real choices b/c she feels/knows that she has control regardless of the option she chooses. She does not have to be dependent on her parents or feel like she’s being a burden on them if she wants to leave. I would not wish scenario #1 once in my life.. and it’s a horrible situation to be in. This happened to a family friend on my hubby’s side - the girl now is divorced, but her in-laws basically arranged the marriage and wanted a young girl (she was 20, guy was 25) simply because they wanted someone to manage the household. Everything her husband made went to the in-laws and her MIL gave her pocket money to spend on personal things.. stuff her husband and her should have discussed privately. I would never recommend a girl to be so dependent on someone. I just would feel incredibly helpless. The girl couldn’t end up taking it for too long and they divorced after 2 years and her ex-MIL still goes around saying “humee paalray the usko”…](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1)

62

Re: Best age to get married?

The best age for a girl to marry is 16, for men its when they can hold down a decent job.

63

Re: Best age to get married?

This is what I don't want to teach my daughter if I have one. I never want her to speak like this...I'd feel like I failed if I did.

You don't NEED anyone to be happy. Marriage is SUNNAH - not FARDH. Even our religion states that marriage is a CHOICE - not a mandate.

Spouses do not complete you...they compliment you.

Unless you can truly be happy with yourself, you are only going to be a burden for someone else. For my kid, I'd never want her to be that. I want her to know the joys of life, this world, relish in her accomplishments and then if she chooses to marry, she should with the partner of her choice.

Women need to reject dependency othewise they will forever be the victimized DIL's at the mercy of anyone who decides to "take them in".

A woman who is secure, confident, happy, accomplished and a good human being...how many men out there will pass her up? Not many from what I've seen. Its this idea that we need men that causes insecurities in women. We don't.

As far as compromising in marriage is concerned..........you learn to do that when you're **actually **married. No one is born with the compromising bone in their body - you **adapt **to marriage and the compromises involved.

64

Re: Best age to get married?

I had my nikkah done at 25, and married at 26. Hubby was 28 and 29. Factoring in that I did double bachelors, post grad studies AND 2 - 2.5 years in my career prior to ruksathi, I think it was the right age. We are both settled in our respective careers MA and are not stressed by financial worries etc. On the other hand, a cousin of mine got married at 22 (not even finished uni) and her husband is the same age. 3 years later and they are nowhere near to being settled. I think it's definitely essential that the couple have completed their education and be financially stable. However, this does not always have to do with age. Another cousin of mine is 26 (so is her husband) and neither one is finished with uni for various reasons- i.e.: they started studying late etc. And they only just got married. I guess each situation is unique so it wouldn't make sense to state a set age as being the perfect one at which to get married.

65

Re: Best age to get married?

ummm. im not trying to use your personal details or anything..but since you used a personal example my response to that is:

it's not like marriage just happened to you...the whole time you were actively looking for potential spouses and on several occasions expressed frustration, etc with the system and process

it was a priority for you. probably above many others. so don't just try to suggest that meh it doesn't matter..and you don't care about what society thinks or that it's not important. it just misleads people.

and very happy that you found someone great in a non-trad way...that gives hope that maybe things are changing!

66

Re: Best age to get married?

I was looking on the side because it was something my parents expected of me. It was not a priority. After my first marriage, I realized that society doesn't come to your rescue when you're in a bind - they just don't. Alllllll those hundreds of people who attend your wedding? None of them are there when you and your husband have issues.

I have never cared about what people thought...if that was the case I would never have gotten divorced - you see?

So, I started a business from scratch, got it off the ground and sold it for a profit in only four years - my priority - my project for four years before I got married again. That's something I am quite proud of.

People can do what they wish or they can learn from other peoples' mistakes.

And despite allllll the efforts my parents, friends and I made...the way I met my husband was the strangest way ever. Had nothing to do with anything anyone did.

For my daughter, I'd never want her to worry about marriage. Life is too long and the world is too big. We should never limit our kids and make them fit into some cookie cutter mold...the mold doesn't exist...its in our heads. Go, travel, see the world, help someone, accomplish something...marriage is not going anywhere. When you're ready, it'll be there. Waiting for you.

There is no age to get married people - its qismat, Allah swt and NONE of this - despite what you may think - is in your hands. And since its not in your hands, why waste time worrying about it?

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Re: Best age to get married?

On many points i would agree with Reha. There is no doubt that people need to make an effort for anything at all especially to get married. However there is only so much u can do and u shud have faith and leave rest for God. When people make it a matter of life and death and stop enjoying what they have rite now for what they could then i think they are getting on the wrong track. Though i can understand society pressure, family/peer pressure all comes into play but one must stay strong and never let go of their belief.

68

Re: Best age to get married?

thank you for the reply.

there are times women go with the first or second option/ristha they get or if theyre getting older they just go with what is available to them for fear of not finding someone later on...whats your opinion on that? is that also what was in your kismat and so it happened that way...couldnt they have taken a stand and waited..

for me it's like..well theyll never know if they couldve found anyone else

I just don't get why people are so fearful about marriages and rishtas and relationships...it's soooo ridiculous

69

Re: Best age to get married?

My opinion on that is the same...because I am one of those women who'd get the "larki ki umar barti jarahi hai" lecture. And I did...from countless people.

I'd tell someone who was regretting to stop dwelling in the past and think about the future - its useless. What does she want out of life? And if she's so dissatisfied, what is she doing to help herself?

If you feel good about someone you meet, marry him. I am not against marriage...at all.

I am against marrying out of pressure and fear of being left alone or what the world will think. If you're marrying him because you think that's all that's left...how much value are you placing on yourself?

What is the total population of the world? Trust me, that's not all that's left.

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Re: Best age to get married?

agree really nice...yeh left alone wala maulama tab bhi hosakta hay...when you maaz Allah get someone who doesnt really care about you after marriage...!!

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Re: Best age to get married?

since these are modern days, add the condition " if you dont have extra marital relations".

72

Re: Best age to get married?

Kismet. Circumstances. Priorities.

Maazey ki baat hai k dosron ko kyun itni fikr (read: takleef) pari rehti hai k shadi kyun nai kar rahey?! Huh. Apne ghar k masley hal karo pehle logo!!!

Lolz

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Re: Best age to get married?


alHamdolillah, maiN ne to mashaa Allah apne saare masaa'il Hal kar liye! :)

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Re: Best age to get married?

What are you talking about? You just got engaged or something right? Your problems have just started lol jk

75

Re: Best age to get married?

Woah, that's abit too early isn't it? I consider 18 a young age, yet I'm gonna get married soon anyway

76

Re: Best age to get married?

I don't remember making this thread.

77

Re: Best age to get married?

^You won't remember getting married either.

78

Re: Best age to get married?

Why's that?

79

Re: Best age to get married?

rv stop hitting on him

80

Re: Best age to get married?

Because you'll be nikhahahahahaed

get it... Lame joke cries in the corner