I say again: Not if **you **want to have children.
You can say it all you want.
Women should get married when they are good and ready. Not when other people think they're ready.
my mum did indeed do part time jobs but no a regular basis, she was on and off working as we were 4 kids back to back. but i believe in mid life crisis for a women and i do feel at the age of 40 a women should be responsibility free and enjoy her life freely without always being held back by the kids. in all friends gathering my mum has, only she and another aunty are not always in a rush to go home because the kid need to sleep or the kid has school or the kids simply gets bored and start annoying the mother. *her friends who married after their late 20s do suffer from all these scenarios.
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as far as the 'submissive' is concerned, not everyone see it as a negative trait. if you keep your self respect wherever needed, what is the exact harm of being sometime submissive/compromising for a loved one. we all do it for parents and kids so why not for a partner?
when i say independent, i do not refer to the financial independence only but rather the thinking and ideas that do no cater for compromises and we all know marriage is full of compromises.
Well, I guess you'll also be one of them.
The same can be said for marrying when you're young and immature.
Ladies, men are not going anywhere - they will be around when you're ready. No big deal.
I got married at 27, and it was a good age maturity wise, and life experience wise. I dont think I was "ruined" because I was set in my ways. When you are mature, then you understand that compromise is a part of marriage. I think I compromise with my husband/in-laws a lot more than younger women do.
That being said, sometimes I wish I had gotten married a few years younger so I could have waited longer to start having kids. Dont get me wrong, I love my son, but feel like I was rushed by family/in-laws/society to start having kids before my husband and I fully enjoyed our time together.
Also, it is all about kismat. You can not get married before Allah has it written for you. I know this because I knew my husband since I was 19. But our parents just didnt agree to our marriage (for various reasons) before that.
I got married at 21. I’m 29 now, still no kids. Guess my life is doomed for misery.
Seriously, ppl act like they know everything they haven’t experienced an iota of. The thinking is that young people are more flexible (or submissive, whatever), but…when life doesn’t go exactly as planned, they go nuts. where’s the flexibility then eh?
my mum did indeed do part time jobs but no a regular basis, she was on and off working as we were 4 kids back to back. but i believe in mid life crisis for a women and i do feel at the age of 40 a women should be responsibility free and enjoy her life freely without always being held back by the kids. in all friends gathering my mum has, only she and another aunty are not always in a rush to go home because the kid need to sleep or the kid has school or the kids simply gets bored and start annoying the mother. her friends who married after their late 20s do suffer from all these scenarios.
You're making it sound like being 40 with young kids is a horrible punishment.
wouldnt you prefer to hang out late at night in your 20s than in your 40s anyway? besides, 90% of the time "have to go, kids things to do" is just an excuse to get out of boring social engagements. some of us even fake having kids, wives, hasbands etc all the time well into our 50s.
Not only that, but it’s not accurate to say that young people are more flexible. Young people can be even more inflexible out of immaturity. Immaturity and the youthful arrogance of “I am always right, so it’s my way or the highway” make people quite inflexible. People who have no real life experience, which would be most young people, tend to be hard headed. I’m 24 and I’ve noticed this type of behaviour in people in my age group.
While there may also be obtuse people in their late 20s, I’ve noticed that, by that age, most people have a bit of life experience, have experienced setbacks and as such, let go of the delusion that they are always right and are more open to compromise.
my mum did indeed do part time jobs but no a regular basis, she was on and off working as we were 4 kids back to back. but i believe in mid life crisis for a women and i do feel at the age of 40 a women should be responsibility free and enjoy her life freely without always being held back by the kids. in all friends gathering my mum has, only she and another aunty are not always in a rush to go home because the kid need to sleep or the kid has school or the kids simply gets bored and start annoying the mother. her friends who married after their late 20s do suffer from all these scenarios.
Are these women single mothers? If not then where are their husbands...ie. the father of these children? The father can't watch his own children if his wife is out somewhere....even 1-2x/week? I know several families (desi and non-desi) where the husband is more than happy to watch the children if the wife needs to go somewhere. My own BIL spends evenings on his own with his 7 year old daughter if DIL is working late or needs to go on a "girls night out" or whatever. From what you're describing, it seems that the children needs to be attached to their mother 24/7 until the age of 18.
if you keep your self respect wherever needed, what is the exact harm of being sometime submissive/compromising for a loved one. we all do it for parents and kids so why not for a partner?
1) A 21/22/23 year old female who most likely is 100% dependent on her husband for financial support, and has never been independent her entire life thanks to having over-protective parents.....how much "self-respect" do you think she can really keep when her husband asks her to "compromise" on something? Do you honestly believe most desi women in that situation actually has a choice in not compromising?
2) We don't get to pick our parents and while living with them, we often don't have any control/choice in our "compromises". There is also a major difference in the way we're related. We can NEVER change who are parents are and no matter what they do, overwhelming majority of us will always be there for our parents. Its not like I can go look for and pick out another mother if I'm not happy with mine. Spouses are a different story. If my spouse is disrespectful, abusive, uncompromising whatever....if I'm not happy with him, I do have the option of divorce and looking for another spouse.
Are these women single mothers? If not then where are their husbands...ie. the father of these children? The father can't watch his own children if his wife is out somewhere....even 1-2x/week?
From what you're describing, it seems that the children needs to be attached to their mother 24/7 until the age of 18.
Maybe that's how it is in most backward desi families where the man will find it beneath him to watch the kids.....
Speaking of kids, am I the only person here who is surrounded by women having healthy babies well into their 30’s? Allow me to state a few personal examples:
My own mother gave birth to me when she was in her late 20’s. YEARS later…she gave birth to my 2nd siblings at 37, and had my youngest sibling at 39! Most of my cousins were born when their mother’s were in their late 20’s/early 30’s.
I currently have 2 close friends, ages 32 and 34, who are both pregnant and due soon. Thus far, no complications with either pregnancy. And most of the women my husband works with (M.D.s and CRNAs) had their kids well into their 30’s. In fact, last year one of his co-workers had her 1st baby at 37.
My husband works in OB few times a week at a high-volume delivery unit. He sees plenty of patients every week well into their 30’s who had healthy pregnancies and deliver healthy babies.
I’m also glad Sara chose to share her own personal experience…getting married at 21 and still not able to have a child at 29. Clearly getting married at 21/22/23 doesn’t guarantee anything. Yes, we all know that once a woman hits 35, getting pregnant can be more difficult and as each year goes by starting at 35, pregnancy also carries more risks. But some of you make it seem that a woman is simply doomed when it comes to giving birth if she doesn’t pop one or more out by mid 20’s!
Why do simple questions/ threads make people become so defensive and angry…?
Any ways, I don’t agree that rushing and getting married by 21-23, or any specific age, is right for everyone. But I do agree that if someone is ready to marry, and truly feels they are ready to put in the work to make a marriage work, then :k: good on them. Everyone matures at a different age.
That being said, I also don’t think waiting “too” long is right, either. As @OneYourMomWarnedAbt said, especially if having children/ a family is one of your priorities, which would have nothing to do with what society wants. Not to mention, even as a social need, companionship is still a human basic need.
Since we are on topic, what is the best age to marry a second, third and fourth wife and so on ... ? (add your wives)
You don't need a different age for each of your wives, Pisi. You can pick a single age for yourself and marry all four of them at once. Knock yourself out.
You don't need a different age for each of your wives, Pisi. You can pick a single age for yourself and marry all four of them at once. Knock yourself out.
Now I know how arabs think... thanks for the explanation. :D
Oh wait…that’s only for the women I guess. 
