My best mates, more like sisters dad died. Me and T want to be there for them. One recently came back from Pak after the funeral ( baqi family is still there and won’t be back for some weeks ). She normally comes to my house everyday, spends hours in our company, bubbly…a total babe. T tells me her car is parked outside her house but her nani keeps saying she’s gone out, she’s at work..she’s sleeping and so forth. We know her well enough to figure she’s in hiding. Cutting herself off from everything and everyone. She did sms saying she ‘wants time, needs space’. How do you be there for someone who basically doesn’t want you there? I mean we need to coax the girl out, get her back into some routine…and help her move on. Are we trying to be to helpful? I know when my Gran died i wanted someone around me. Felt more comforting but all of us don’t deal with these things the same way. Plus its her dad, closer relation. I dunno..i’m trying to convey long distance support …send an sms, but i think fonecalls are useless. Her other sisters have spoken to me at length about the passing of their father but she has passed the fone on, told others to say shes not there and so forth. My heart goes out for her esp. as she has been a total rock for in my bad times …i, T…we guys just wana help.
Re: Being there for someone
DD, ppl react differently. Coming back from Pak after a funeral is not easy, everything is probably reminding her of her father. Nothing you or anyone can say will comfort her, do not tell her to move on. You've told her you're there for her, good. Now when she needs you don't tell her that you've noticed her not wanting to talk to you or others. If she needs to hide from you, you're not helping, rather you're adding to her stress, so please stop that.
I almost slept for two weeks when I came back from Pak, but I was told that I didn't allow others to help me and they were offended, all the love and caring gai bhaR meiN, I'll probably never forget that conversation. There are million and one things she needs to sort out with herself, so play by her rules and don't get offended. You sound like a good friend and I'm sure she knows and appreciates that too :)
Re: Being there for someone
Sabah is right ppl mourn differently. You need to keep pinging her though to make sure she doesnt do anything stupid. You never know. I was 7 yrs old when my father died, I tried to kill my sefl so I could be with him. He was my role model. To this day 31 yrs later, I wake up thinking that maybe it is not true, maybe he'll just show up. Same with the death of Mother even worse (there is some biological connection, seen it many times).
Re: Being there for someone
if the person doesnt want ur support then buzz out of their life
Re: Being there for someone
DD, agree with sabah.. just give her time...
asking her to move on, is prob not very good advice.. people mourn in different ways.. ive seen my best friend lose her dad to a gun-shot.. it was one of the worst experience for me, so i cant even imagine what my friend was going thru... and i dont think someone can ever really move on.. they can probably start to accept the loss, but hardly ever ive seen that the pain fully disappears..
if she wants time to herself, let her be... wait for her to come to you.... just pray for her and the father she has lost..
Re: Being there for someone
We are waiting. Thanks for the advice guys.
I'll send her a card and some chocos. She'll know i'm here if she needs me.
Re: Being there for someone
^ yeap... good idea :)