When considering a person for relationship or marriage, how much importance does the person’s past acts have on who the person is today? Should you judge them by their past or look at who they are today and what values they have today?
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
There has to be a balance. You cant totally ignore someones past when you are going to make them part of your life for now, future and always. And at the same time you shouldn't have unrealistic expectations either.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
I don't care about what happened in the past. I care about what sort of a person she is RIGHT NOW.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
The past definitely has a certain role in development of a personality of someone. But at the same time it's also the present that matters the most. If someone made mistakes in the past and still keeps doing the same should be someone who doesn't seem to have hopes of improving for the better.
Meanwhile there are many many people who might have some shady past but eventually managed to figure out the best of them and now are the best people around.
So when coming to relationships present is much more important than focusing on the past. However BIG glitches in somebody's past should warrant caution to the other party when considering a long term relationship.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
Well depends what the past is. Seriously woman. If the guy or gal in question committed murder, hell ya it matters. If the person was convicted of a serious crime yup. Did a porn movie? Yup. Etc etc.
It is about personal comfort with your own set of moral values.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
I agree with Zareen.....there has to be a balance.....and as CM said, it depends on some specifics too.....
I think you need to provide a bit more detail.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
Well depends what the past is. Seriously woman. If the guy or gal in question committed murder, hell ya it matters. If the person was convicted of a serious crime yup. Did a porn movie? Yup. Etc etc.
It is about personal comfort with your own set of moral values.
I was going to say the same. When it comes to life there are no universal rules.
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
I just wanna know what you were doing up at 4 in the morning. :D
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
Well, asking just opinions without any background has no meaning. President is right.
If you really have some situation, then put up the real situation that you could get better and best guidance.
Re: Being stuck on someone’s past, or focussing on the future?
Just for you Muzna, I’ll use an example from my rishta tales…
With one of the guys I had met, he wouldn’t tell me about his past other than to say he was a “changed man” and that his prior indiscretions shouldn’t define who he was now. He assured me he didn’t have any unclaimed illegitimate children in the world 
I asked how he could be sure of that and he said none of his exes had come back to him to claim child support. I then asked, “How many exes, less than one hand’s worth.” He said no. More than two hands worth? he said yes. His exes weren’t committed relationships - they were convenient booty calls.
The thing is, yes a man/woman can change and maybe their past doesn’t define their present - but knowing something like this about a person leaves you with a negative impression about the character of the person and I didn’t want to know him any further.
Re: Being stuck on someone’s past, or focussing on the future?
Insomnia :hinna:
Re: Being stuck on someone's past, or focussing on the future?
Thanks for indulging Sehrysh.......
Regardless of the reasons why his past presented itself as undesirable to you, the fact is that it did. And that's all that should matter.
As Mirch mentioned.....I don't believe that there are universal rules.......each situation should be handled as individual and distinct from another.
Re: Being stuck on someone’s past, or focussing on the future?
Just reading that gives me a bitter aftertaste. I wouldn’t be interested afterwards either.
Now, it is possible to see the situation in such a way for it to feel ok. And maybe you would do that if everything else is spectacular, you know.