Being Sensitive to Women

Lifestyle Relationships
21

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
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Okay, that scenario is very specific, thank you. Now i can help you understand it a bit better.

Now in this case, the girl should have said it nicely - "Please say it's alright, i was just trying to help my mother, i am sure you understand my position." In which case, your response would/should have been, "That's alright, sometimes i do feel slightly frustrated, but i understand."

The girl's tone of voice is all-important, however. She should not have 'erupted' at you for such a trivial issue.

A "little" sensitivity goes a loooooooooong way. When i mean a "little", i'll be more precise - i mean, stuff like showing her that you listen when she is talking, even if you are bored out of your eye sockets and you wish she would shut up because she is going on and on about blah blah blah, just show her you are listening. You don't have to agree with her, never agree simply for the sake of agreeing - that's very annoying. Just listen, hear her out. And this should be reciprocal; she should, manifestly, always listen to you as well when you want to vent.

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Well, this is common courtesy and its applicability is universal i.e. to men, women, colleagues, dogs and pet goldfish. So, yes I absolutely agree with you here.

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A "little" sensitivity is also like - doing little things for her, out of the blue, that you know she likes. i mean, i am not talking about buying her a 24 carat gold ring, but a single flower now and then with a short, personal note could go a LONG way :~/ No fancy schmancy watches, perfumes, gifts, cards, waghera waghera. That stuff sucks. Just show her you care, in small ways, again and again. Make it sincere. Obviously, she should be doing the same for YOU - it's a two-way thing.

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These constant reminders of affection smack of flattery and insincerity to me. Now I know they work and are a necessity to keep the spark alive in the relationship, but I tell thee Nadia, they become really cumbersome to me.

22

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
**These constant reminders of affection smack of flattery and insincerity to me. Now I know they work and are a necessity to keep the spark alive in the relationship, but I tell thee Nadia, they become really cumbersome to me.
[/QUOTE]
*

No yaar, if it's a "cumbersome" act for you, then there's no point in doing it. i thought it would make you happy to see her happy when you do little things like that for her. But in that case, there is no point in doing something if your heart's not in it. i am sure there must be gazillion other ways to show her your sensitivity. Maybe take more of an interest in her life, ask her questions about her friends, her memories of her childhood, umm just find some other way to show her that you care. Gals are a bit insecure, we like to see proof that the guy really does care.

Anywho, i'm not Oprah or Dr. Phil. Just my two cents which could always be wrong so i should warn you before following my advice.

23

Hahaha..well said well said…in fact send em to the sun all that will remain are thier ashes..

LI - just keep reminding her that you love her and NO I’m not talking about a make out session here..I’m talking about words and non contact actions :smiley:

24

I dont have any complaints of men being insensitive or less sensitive about me,Thanx to Allah ,most of the men in my life are sensitive enough to understand me and help me go along the flow of life :)

25

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *I think a lot of girls mean guys should "listen" more, and not just listen, but actually pay attention.
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^^ Very True....
when gurlz need attention... guys ignore them,
when gurlz want to get along .... guys leave them..

Is this not insensitivity???

Moreover guys think that they can do anything, anytime, but when gurlz do anything, anytime, they do not accept becaz they do not realise that gurls are also humans

Is this not insensitivity???

26

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
Anywho, i'm not Oprah or Dr. Phil. Just my two cents which could always be wrong so i should warn you before following my advice.
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I agree with what you are saying and your advice is sound. I don't want to delve into too many personal details but I was dealing with an unusual situation.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by lastknightess: *
LI - just keep reminding her that you love her and NO I'm not talking about a make out session here..I'm talking about words and non contact actions :D
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I am a man of action baby. ;)

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by *kashish: *
I dont have any complaints of men being insensitive or less sensitive about me,Thanx to Allah ,most of the men in my life are sensitive enough to understand me and help me go along the flow of life

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Good for you. :)

shap_bee,

I don't want to turn this discussion into another men v/s women debate. I am here to build bridges. :)

27

Look here are some tricks of the trade. I am seriously surprised you dont know them.

Firstly learn her moods. Learn when she is upset and when she aint. Learn her different level of being "upset". Each female ranges from 3 or 5 issues. Family, Friends, you, work, school/college. Each subject has a different reaction etc. Its like making a jigasaw puzzle without knowing the picture. You learn what it looks like over time.

Bug your girl if she seems upset. This shows you are "sensitive". One you pick up her mood and you bug her to death that you want to know what is wrong. Plus when she says nothing. That definitely means something is up.

Lastly when she talks to you give her supportive statements. NOT ADVICE. NEVER GIVE A WOMAN ADVICE. That is just suicide. Men when giving advice want to fix things. Dont fix things for her. Women wanna talk about their problems. That is how they "fix" them.

Just listen be patient and it is very important you give supportive statements when she is upset. Here are some common ones:

It aint your fault.
You have been under alot of stress.
Whoa. That is bad or alot of work. You deserve a break what say we go out or do something together? Or i help you with whatever you need to do.

These are the basic requirements. You should build on top off this with each female and her different requirements.

Edit: In that scenerio you give. The guy is a grade A idiot. He shouldnt have kept quiet. He should respond "its ok, dont worry about it?" or "hey its your mom, she is more importnat. Women are naturally insecure. Desi women esp.

In this scenerio, the girl was insecure. She was upset she was doing this to her bf, but wanted him to understand that it wasnt her fault. And she wanted to know it was ok with him. It was the reassurance she waslooking for that it was ok with him and that he didnt think less or worse of her.

She didnt get that. It was the guys job to eliminate her insecurity. He didnt do that. He either needs to get a brain or start to use it. If it was you, yaar seriously get some freaking books on male and female relationship. What i am describing is ****ing basic.

28

As I see it, men are babied all their lives, from the time they’re born all the way until their demise. Women, on the other hand, are left to fend for themselves (us lucky creatures!) at least after we reach a certain age (say, puberty?) So naturally, in their defense, their insensitive actions are to be expected at times BUT there comes a point in life when you attempt to look at the world through a different perspective, you become sensitive to other people’s issues and concerns as you would your own.

I’ve met men who claim by the grace of God to be sensitive but their actions speak otherwise. It’s all about approach. You give a little, you take a little. Men must learn that. They expect (mot of them certainly do) that heck, they can provide financially so what else must the woman need? It’s this type of attitude that needs to be eradicated for a strong, fulfilling relationship with a woman to exist.

At the same token, there are more than a handful of women out there who promote this very behavior and in fact perpetuate it through their male offspring, and so the cycle of “insensitivity” continues. Women need to have a little more confidence and draw the line at some point, realizing that a relationship minus sensitivity is no relationship at all and that it takes two people to make it work with more or less an equal effort.

:flower1:

29

CM,

You made some excellent points. I presented the above scenario for illustrative purposes. I am glad that the discussion so far has been light-hearted and informative. I was afraid that it'd turn into a battle of the sexes.

sweetiepie,

I agree, there has to be resonable amount of give and take in a relationship.

30

hhmmm

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I am a man of action baby. ;)

yes yes I am aware..hence teh suggestion..us ladies like to just sit and TALK sometimes...we like expressing ourselves in non verbal ways too...and we somehow expect you guys to behave in the same way in return...

if you don't then you're insensitive...

32

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
shap_bee,

I don't want to turn this discussion into another men v/s women debate. I am here to build bridges. :)
[/QUOTE]

I'm not breaking ur bridges... i'm making them smooth!!

33

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by shap_bee: *

I'm not breaking ur bridges... i'm making them smooth!!
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Not that gives me an ohh so nice picture :d