Ok here goes, am i being childish, stupid or khud garz.
What happens when you have lived in an abusive household for the past 20 years your parents fighting it out day and night. Your father although mainly verbally abusive has been known to raise his hand in the past and after certain incidents over years, you have enough and you grab your mom and move out. Your mom has never had the courage to move out because she had no where to go and living in a foreign land she was never allowed or motivated to learn the language or learn how to drive or how to be self sufficient. Your mother has been sufferring from severe depression all her life and when you move out you just want things to be different. You cut ties with you dad as you have seen what he is capable of and he has remarried.
Since you are an only child it is up to you to be the breadwinner, that is fine but your mother has always had the wish for you to finish your education so you do that alongside failing a subject each semmester as work also plays a big part of your life. All this time mom is at home and you think things are looking up. You receive almost no support financially let alone emotionally from your moms relos. But they think they are above you. To make your mom happy you make good amends with them and try to get along with them and all is good. During this time you get good proposals but your mom turns them down as they are not good looking enough or not of a suitable standard you are happy with that as you have delegated that type of authority to your mom. You are inseparable and you devote your time and life to your mom. Then when it comes time to get married your mom settles for the first guy she meets although you know that he is not your type and the only reason your mom is saying yes is so she can please her family. You like to see your mom happy and her relos make her happy so you are content with that. its a stressful time for your mom as she is the on making the decision for you but after your nikah she advises you she never liked your husband and she just didn’t have the guts to stand up to her family as she was living in there house for 2 months and she had asked them to organise everything. You feeling numb come back abroad and confused. You have the option to get a divorce as you find that your husband and you don’t have compatibility and the only reason your inlaws wanted you was because they thought that their son could go overseas. Your husband although is not even close to what you imagined is a nice dude. Now all your mom says is that ‘ankho pai pati pur ghi thi’. You are in a position where you cannot side with your mom or your husband. If you side with your mom you are being a bad wife and if you side with your husband and he leaves you once he gets his visa you go back to your mom. So after all this you think thats fine i mean mom stuffed up but so do other peoples parents and it up to me to make this work. So your mom knows that you are not happy and tells you that its ok if you don’t want to go ahead with this but to maintain her and her families honour you say its ok. You feel hurt that your mom put her family above you but you say no probs. Now that your wedding is approaching your mom doesn’t like your in laws or your hubby and is even more depressed. You think cause mom has done you wrong she will make up for it by throwing you a massive wedding but …no she is to depressed…all she does is cry about missing her dead parents. All these years you have seen your cousins getting married and thought that when your time will come your mom will do the same for you. Now that my time has come mom is depressed and all she says is that she made a mistake about choosing my hubby. I have accepted my hubby as i know there is nothing that can be done but what can i do about my mum espacially when she is going to be living with me when we are married and i know that she does not like my hubby ans she was pushed into this by tring to make her family happy and i said yes trying to make her happy.
I thought my wedding would be time where we could forget our past and celebrate happiness and since beinga only child its the only time that my mom can be the mother of the bride/groom. I wanna start doing dholki etc and my mom wants to cry. You try and talk to her but it make her more upset, so do you just get married quietly or do you make noise.
Is this asking for too much.
Am i just a spoilt cow
