^that is exactly my point redvelvet. I cannot be this formal. If we are together and I am always trying to patch up things, then atleast TRUST me on that I wana fix things and sort out the miscommunications. He/she wants to as well. But what happens is when he/she starts talking about it, it turns out, it is not just one miscommunication but a combination of many bottled up. Usually, he/she discusses things by beating AROUND the bush and then coming to the main point. In this whole scenerio, I get totally lost and get even more confused and as a result, there is more miscommunication. So when I try to clarify further, it's like "OH MAN..you just don't get it!.." and his/her frustration kicks in, as a result I feel hurt and I sit there cry for hours.
It is not fair to me that things were not spoken up about at the right time. Now I am being bombarded with one thing after another, confirmed guilty until I prove myself innocent. It is so overwhelming that I am unable to justify myself. If I can't justify myself, he/she leaves because we can't communicate at the same level.
Sit him down AND talk to him. And this time, please KEEP IT SIMPLE. All you need to tell him is:
1) I have taken your points into consideration and I'm trying to work on myself.
2) I apologize if the things that I said hurt you. I want to assure you that I had no intentions to hurt you.
3) In the future, I request that you please address issues with me when they occur. Keeping issues bottled up and discussing them with at a much later point when I might not even remember what I said won't help either of us.
When you have doubts about something I said, just ask me what I mean and I'll clarify it.
4) We both need to have trust in this relationship. For example, if you clarify something or apologize to me......and if I doubt your sincerity and words....then how will we move past issues. We can't tell what another person's intentions are. Only we know what our own intentions are. And so there should be trust. If we can't even trust each other when we apologize......then that's not healthy. We have to pick and choose our battles and learn to assume the best of each other. Imagine if we jumped to negative conclusions about every single thins said by our parents, siblings, coworkers. It would be difficult to maintain relationships. Let's work toward ending arguments....as opposed to making them bigger.
Just plan out what you want to say in advance......this way you won't sound jumbled up and confused and going off on all different topics. Discuss the above 4 points with him.....and listen to what he says. If he gets mad....and starts to accuse you/not trust you/..........kindly tell him...."I had this discussion to solve problems and not to put blame or create another argument. I think we need a break to sort out our feelings and think about our relationship and how we're handling issues."
And then give him a break. If he starts yelling at you...accusing you...simply tell him,** "Sorry, but I'll be more open to communication when it can be done calmly and without hurling blame."** Then leave him alone. Do this when you see him getting in your face. This way, he'll know what behavior is not acceptable to you....and he might even think about how he conducts himself. He has to understand if he wants to be understood....there's a proper way to communicate it.
Is this recent behavior or was he always like this? Is he a friend or a boyfriend or a fiance? If you're so afraid that he's going to leave you, I'm assuming he's not your husband. Hula, if this is a persistent problem....you have to decide whether this relationship is worth the stress.