I know this topic has been discussed numerous times, but when it comes to yourself, it’s a totally different situation.
my parents are trying to get me engaged to someone back home. Obviously, I am not interested…marriages cannot work this way anymore. I have tried to tell them, but they think it’s better for me and like the guy. They’re not forcing me, but I know they’re adamant and they keep on suggesting how I will regret this later.
Anyways, what do you guys think? Should I meet him…
I believe someone needs to start this revolution against the twisted, evil rishta process
I think even where the kids have free-will, some parents use emotional manipulation to force their children to do what they want. So while in theory the kid can say Yes or No to the rishta, parents do the desi guilt bit, which makes the kid decide to do something they might not otherwise want for themselves.
I think even where the kids have free-will, some parents use emotional manipulation to force their children to do what they want. So while in theory the kid can say Yes or No to the rishta, parents do the desi guilt bit, which makes the kid decide to do something they might not otherwise want for themselves.
im so grateful to you, oh resident oracle of gupshup.
They can only pressure/blackmail you but they can’t force you because the final decision is yours. No matter how much they approve of the match, and it doesn’t matter that they give their consent, the marriage is not valid unless it has YOUR consent. That said, if you find this guy and his family that disagreeable…then it’s ultimately YOUR responsibility to make it clear that you will not go through this..and you may have to stand up for your beliefs for a long time before it finally registers in their heads that you will not do this. If you do agree to marry this guy (when you don’t find him compatible)…then you can’t put all the blame on your parents…you’d have to accept a good deal of the accountability because you surrendered to something you knew wouldn’t be valid without your approval.
Should you meet him? Well, that depends on several things. Are you only against the “method” of marriage or do truly not like the guy? Have you even met him? You could tell your parents that you’ll be “open” to meeting him and getting to know him but that doesn’t guarantee that you’ll agree to marrying him…and there’s a possibility that it can be a “NO” from your end…and that you won’t stand for any pressure or emotional blackmailing as you don’t respect that kind of manipulative behavior…especially from close loved ones such as your own parents. Set the boundaries from the beginning. That’s what my mom and I were talking about a few minutes ago…that people in our culture get themselves in trouble because they don’t set boundaries out of fear of what others will think. This is your own family…people you grew up with and live with and should feel comfortable enough to tell them where you draw the line.
Now, if you are familiar with the guy, if you’ve interacted with him and don’t find him compatible…then tell them you’re mind is made up and a visit to Pakistan will be a waste of money as it won’t change your opinion.
*Set the boundaries from the beginning. That's what my mom and I were talking about a few minutes ago.....that people in our culture get themselves in trouble because they don't set boundaries out of fear of what others will think. This is your own family...people you grew up with and live with and should feel comfortable enough to tell them where you draw the line.
*
real words of wisdom**. **very well-put, this is something i also believe. people never remember your sacrifices, you ultimately allow people to walk all over you or keep them in their limits.
not sure..he's doing some "course" :S and metric pass..
then the only question left is , if he good looking? as long as hes rich and good looking what more does one need?I bet your parents are being very considerate about you. The wisdom of parents will a lways be more than that of kids .No doubt in that.
This is what I was referring to in the other thread, girls need to be more independent and confident when it comes to such things. Please do not think by accepting this guy you will be showing your parents and his family any 'respect'. Respect is good but it does not account to sacrificing your wishes and aspirations. I do not think you should be forced into this, even if its suggestive at this point. You should make it very clear to them. I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you have some reservations getting married to a guy who does not even live here and quite rightly so. I also think you are right, marriages do not work like this anymore. When the time is right, you will meet and get acquainted with a guy you would like, and vice versa! Stay strong sis!
Why wait for others to start a revolution? If YOU as an individual.....decide to take a stand against something "wrong" that you're going through.....then you are starting YOUR OWN revolution. When your parents see your example.......they may even hesitate to repeat the same mistake with your younger siblings, let's say. Or others in the family that may learn from your response as well.
When you find yourself in a predicament...you can't always wait for others to wake up as they may be too scared or too stubborn or too blind. Revolutions often start with an individual actions (actions speak louder than words/beliefs)....and then gain momentum as others join in.
There is nothing wrong in meeting up with the guy. I am sure no parents would want a bad match for their kids but yes they can make mistakes like we can so just make your decision based on what you feel.
how about suggesting to your parents that fair enough “i will say yes only when once/or couple of times i have met him and if i truly like him i will marry him, but on the other hand my no has to be accepted too”
no matter what the girls opinion. people jump at the very first rishta 
