If people keep accusing you things you didn’t do, and then you say, oké, I did whatever you think I did. Believe about me whatever you want, does that stop accusations? I have been accused of many things I didn’t do, I was thinking, if I just say, believe whatever you want, would it stop? And sometimes family members say I did things which I didn’t do, only to hurt me in one way or another, while they know it’s not true, if I start saying, oké, I really did do that, whatever it is you’re accusing me of, would that stop the accusations? Because then instead of making me sad, I’d suddenly say, sure I did that, if that makes you happy, then the purpose of their accusations is gone. Would that help me?
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
You never know till you try. But then they'll just bukbuk even more and say haww dekha sharam nai aati, khud apnay moonh say sab kehri ho.
And also what's bothering me is this, one of my friends (Dutch) had left his girlfriend (also Dutch) for someone he had met online and he was already involved with that other person while he was still together with my friend and she didn't even know! I was friends with both of them. I had left my own coushusband again at that time and was staying with my own parents. I wanted to divorce him. But then after a while my Dutch friend started to insinuate that I was the person her boyfriend was involved with while he was with her and leaving her for! She said it was very strange that at the same time when I had left my husband, then months later, her boyfriend left her. She insinuated first that I was his new girlfriend, then she said it clearly years later. That hurt me a lot! Especially because I had taken her side when she had told me he had left her for someone else. It's very hurtfull. She didn't know it was the second time I had left my own ex-husband, she didn't know everything going on in my family. But still, why blame me?! What kind of a friend is that? We're still in touch, but it keeps bothering me how she accused me. So now I did something else to give her full proof that I'm not the person her former boyfriend was involved with, I tried to contact him to proove it to her. I didn't tell him that, I only told him I"d like to have contact to understand why he had someone else without telling his girlfriend first. I want to know the reasons he did that. But especially, the first reason, is to have contact with him so my friend knows for sure it really wasn't me.
Then I was upset with myself for being so hurt because of false accusations. It's just so hurtful to be accused of things I didn't even do. So if I just let people notice now that the accusations don't hurt me, will they stop? And is it really a better idea to contact friends former cheating boyfriend so I can proove to her that it really wasn't me who he was cheating her with? As if I didn't have enough problems at home and trying to go back to school to get my diploma and juggling all that to raise my kids, bringing them to daycare centre on time, then taking them home, being busy with them and trying not to get depressed because of the family problems involving my request for divorce. How could she accuse me? She hurt me a lot. Am I too sensitive? It just hurts me a lot! I even stopped seeing people who accused me of things I didn't even do or who believed those accusations, that much hurt was I. Now I"m seeing people again, who hurt me less. Why do I let false accusations have so much influence on my life? It just hurts me a lot.
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
The best thing you can do is ignore such people. Dont go out of your way to prove anything to them. If your heart is clear and you know you've done nothing of that sort, your family knows, then that's all that really matters. People talk smack regardless. If its not you, its the next person, really. The more you bicker back and forth and try to show your innocence, the more they believe that you're really in the wrong and are thus fighting hard to maintain that charade of purity. Say it once, say it twice, and if it still falls upon deaf ears, just ignore it. God is all-seeing, all-knowing. These are but mere mortals whose opinions are equivalent to the garbage on the sidewalk. Why bother getting upset over that?
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
When I come across someone who might seem like more trouble then they are worth...I leave them. I dont stick around to see my gut instincts materialize into reality.
If your friends are creating more problems for you then not, then they either need to be put in their place or let go.
The way I see it is simple: my friends are there as a support system for me. I love them and will be there for them through thick and thin. However, I will not ruin my peace of mind over them. Meaning if they are being insincere (your friends seem like they are), then I dont need them around.
what i do is i dont say that yeh i did it even though i didnt..... cuz i think thats jst totally wrong... when u didnt do something y r u taking the blame jst to satisfying them.....
i would tell them that "listen i didnt do it but if thinking this way makes you more happy then feel free and keep believing whatever you believe"
whereas my family is concerned well i never tell them or prove them that i have never done this or that.....
sooner or later they do find out that it wasnt me....
why are you putting so much stress on yourself getting intouch with this girl's ex just to tell this girl that no it was not you who he was after...
you should tell her once thats all.....
she is not even ur friend cuz frds dont accuze other friends for their own bad luck ..... :S
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
does that friend lives in ur city or somewhere else.If shes closeby she'll find out herself.If shes away why bother.Is she worth of so much effort?Just tell her plain it was a coincidence n u know nothing abt her ex.If that is not enuf for her then let her go to hell.wat sort of friend she is who is totally unaware of all the pain n trouble u r going thru.Nay she isn't worth it.
She was living in a different town with her boyfriend at the time. And even nowadays she doesn't live here.
I just wish that any false accusation wouldn't bother me, but I do find it hurtful when I'm accused of things I didn't do. That's something of my own character I don't like. It's difficult for me when people keep saying false things about me.
You know, I often try not to care about false accusations. I try. But I just become sad. After a while I find out, they do hurt me. I don't know how to cope with that. Sometimes I think, I'll do this, then I think, do nothing.
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
its coz u r going thru a very hard time now.no matter how much u dislike ur spouse break ups can b very depressing esp with young kids to look after.giv some time for ur wounds to heal up.go see a therapist if u can afford. excercise release stress n so does regular body massages.the less stressed out u r the most courage u hav to face things.i know u r too busy in ur life but everyday giv urself atleast 10 mins just for ur sanity.may that b reading,music,a bath anything that u enjoys.
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
It's a lose-lose situation. If you say you didn't do it, you're WRONG. If you say you did do it, YOU'RE PUNISHED. Just say, "Even if told you the whole truth and nothing but the truth and that being that I'm innocent and didn't do it, you're still going to be closed-minded and accuse me of it anyways. Since you want to win either way, what's the point in explaining myself. I'm leaving you now....so that you can return to tunnel vision." And just leave.
If people keep accusing you things you didn't do, and then you say, oké, I did whatever you think I did. Believe about me whatever you want, does that stop accusations? I have been accused of many things I didn't do, I was thinking, if I just say, believe whatever you want, would it stop? And sometimes family members say I did things which I didn't do, only to hurt me in one way or another, while they know it's not true, if I start saying, oké, I really did do that, whatever it is you're accusing me of, would that stop the accusations? Because then instead of making me sad, I'd suddenly say, sure I did that, if that makes you happy, then the purpose of their accusations is gone. Would that help me?
No not at all. They will keep doing it. Try to prove them. Get prove. or now start to make proves.
You accecpt what they want or misunderstandingly doing that.
That is very wrong for yourself.
It's not my friends fault if she didn't know everything that was going in my life. I didn't tell anyone everything. My parents had forbidden me to tell most of our family problems to anyone. But I was still going to tell her certain things, yet I couldn't, the marriage was too painful. Though my friends accusation dit hurt a lot, it was less painfull than being forced to marry my cousin and then, after doing what my parents wanted, only getting an awful life!
No one hurt me as much as my own family. Sure, my friend hurt me too, but less than my family, besides, she didn't even know what my own family members were doing to me. How could she? But she did know how busy I was, going back to school, taking children to daycare centre, she also knew not everything was allright, but what exactly was going on and how awful my situation at home was, she had no idea. And even though it wasn't kind of her to think of me that way she still did hurt me less than my own family. My own family does know I didn't do the things they accuse me of, they also know that they are the main cause of my problems, they were there, they did it, now they deny and lie against me. They hurt me far more than that poor friend of mine. Nobody caused more problems for me than my own family members, nobody was more hurtfull to me, than my own family members.
By the way, I gave messages to my family that I forgive most of them, but I'll never forget what awful things they did to me. And I still want most of them to stay away from me.
If people keep accusing you things you didn't do, and then you say, oké, I did whatever you think I did. Believe about me whatever you want, does that stop accusations? I have been accused of many things I didn't do, I was thinking, if I just say, believe whatever you want, would it stop? And sometimes family members say I did things which I didn't do, only to hurt me in one way or another, while they know it's not true, if I start saying, oké, I really did do that, whatever it is you're accusing me of, would that stop the accusations? Because then instead of making me sad, I'd suddenly say, sure I did that, if that makes you happy, then the purpose of their accusations is gone. Would that help me?
No it doesn't help. If such people are making up accusations about you - then this is a clear message that you need to keep distance away from them esp' when you never said anything. Some bored individuals who don't feel good about themselves love making stories up to spice up their gossip.
It is really hard but remain polite and distance with such people, even if they are your close relations. Say nothing to these people as that just makes things worth. You don't have to stick up for yourself, because when you remain quite and walk away, your cool actions speak louder. This way they will know you are confident about yourself and will get bored and look for a new hobby!
You know, I don't have much of a life either, but when I get bored, I don't bother other people. I just do something I like, reading books or watching movies. Being bored doesn't mean they have to be nasty to someone.
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
People are usually bitter about themselves which is why they talk nasty to others.
You will become "immune" **to people's accusations if **you help yourself to become "immune" to them. And you can do this by simply walking away from them, not talking to them, avoiding them in general. Show them that they are not worth your time and energy by walking away. Show them that you don't care for their toxic company and avoid them!
And also don't dwell on what they say to you. That's the worst thing u could do. You will never become "immune" if you keep thinking about the stupid things they say in your mind over and over again. You're just hurting yourself and allowing them to win over you. There GOAL is to HURT YOU......so if you think about their idiotic behavior and get upset.....then they WIN! They accomplished their purpose.
Listen, you have 2 kids, your own house, you're getting a degree, your starting a new chapter in your life...........with ALL these things going on........you should NOT even have the time to think about the LOSERS who have hurt you. And if you ARE **thinking about them......then you're **not busy enough! The more important things in your life (kids, education, survival) are what deserve ALL of your attention.
Every time you think about them.....you are wasting time and energy that could be used toward other things. It's like picking a scab from a wound and letting it bleed all over again. Nobody can heal you except you.
The people that are wrongly accusing you probably think that you are a WEAK person that gets hurt easily. Show them that their assanine comments mean nothing to you. Their purpose is to HURT you, to make you feel bad, to bring you down.......because they are bored and have low self-esteem. If you act like they DON'T EXIST and continue moving on happily with your life.....you'll end up hurting THEM as they won't be successful in their mission. And once they see that their words have NO EFFECT over you.......they'll get tired of the accusations and leave you alone and go find a hobby or something.
But I think the reason why they bother you is because you fall for it. You take the time out to listen to them and allow them to get under your skin. And they are smart enough to see that. Now it's your turn to get smarter and show that you think they are not even worthy enough for you to even spend time talking, thinking, or even DEFENDING yourself to them. Better people deserve ur time and energy. And believe me, that confidence will make them BURN on the inside. The best revenge is acting happy and like you don't care.
By the way, I gave messages to my family that I forgive most of them, but I'll never forget what awful things they did to me. And I still want most of them to stay away from me.
That must be very painful. Yeah remain away from them. Ask Allah to help you.
Re: Becoming 'immune' towards accusations?
cut off from them - save yourself from the hurt - they are not worth it
minimal communication would be the best option - just so they know you are alive