What are the basic expectations in a relationship? What are the expectations of desi guys?
They aren't right for each other, and split up move on.. At least they aren't married.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
She does not want that as an option. She just wants to know what she should do to change herself? How should a normal decent desi girl be? And what are the basic expectations of a desi boyfriend?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
He has told her that at first he asked her not to change but now he really does want her to change *because she is not the person he thought she was or the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. *
^The above highlighted bit is pretty telling....looks like he's giving her a big clue with that comment and maybe she hasn't realized it yet. If he believes that she's not the kind of woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with then she should just end it with him.
They don't have a healthy relationship. I wonder if maybe he's pressuring her to the point that she'll be the first to end things with him...and spare him the discomfort of being the "dumper." Relationships are about compromise....not controlling one another. There is no "maturity" in him setting ultimatums, making threats, and pressuring her to change but not explaining what changes he wants to her to make. Her bending over backwards and acting like a doormat to please him is not reflective of maturity either. They both sound like kids who are toying with the idea of playing house.
I don't know if maybe it's become an "ego" issue for him that he changed so much for her and therefore wants her to do the same...or if maybe he resents the changes he's made. I can understand (to an extent) changing yourself for those you love.......but those changes should also be made because the individual believes in them. If he quit drinking/smoking...he should have done it more for himself.
This is not what your friend would want to hear....but I don't get a good feeling about this "relationship" if it can even be called that. I think it's better to end it.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
What you have highlighted is what me and my friends have also told her that. But he made that statement and said that .. therefore, he wants her to change.
I think you are right that now it has become an ego issue with him that he changed but she hasn't.
However, 2 weeks ago he made the statement that he is willing to make the compromise and just stay with her like this.
Last week, he broke up with her and she let him go BUT he called back and told her he cannot do it and will give her another chance ...
so now shes just hoping to get ideas on what basic expectations of "desi" men are ?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
She does not want that as an option. She just wants to know what she should do to change herself? How should a normal decent desi girl be? And what are the basic expectations of a desi boyfriend?
I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't the girl in question.....because if you're really her friend I don't think it's wise to encourage her wishes to become a doormat for her boyfriend...even if it's by seeking biased suggestions on an online forum.
A "normal" and "decent" girl does not put up with frequent disrespect.....which is what her boyfriend is doing. A "normal" and "decent" girl understand that a healthy relationship is based upon compromise and not control/ultimatums/threats. A "normal" and "decent" girl won't act like his "pair ki jooti ." There is nothing normal or decent about this guy or even about your friend's attitude. And if her parents, who are the people who love her the most even if she doesn't respect herself.........were to find out about the way he's treating her, even they would think there's nothing normal or decent about this whole affair.
Last week, he broke up with her and she let him go BUT he called back and told her he cannot do it and will give her another chance ...
so now shes just hoping to get ideas on what basic expectations of "desi" men are ?
He's just treating her like a yo-yo.....breaking up with her one day and then taking her back the next day and placing a tremendous amount of stress upon her to do his bidding. And she's too desperate to realize it because she doesn't respect herself. Imagine being married to him and receiving threats for a divorce one day and then all is fine the next.
Men (desi or otherwise) are consistent and more clear about their expectations. Little boys like him, on the other hand, play games like this. LOL, I wouldn't even bother with trying to find out what his "expectations" are when he's not bothered to discuss them. I think she needs to woman-up and let him know what HER expectations are....mainly that she refuses to have anything to with a person who can't respect her and then cut off contact with him. Then watch the tables turn as the little boy runs after his toy that's disappeared. And the saga of ego and games will just continue. It's really her own attitude that is the root of the problem of here....more so than her boyfriend.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
I have told her exactly what you posted in your previous posts and I have not encouraged her to do what she is doing currently. Also the fact that she has been so depressed because of him does not seem right to me and I have told her that instead of doing all that she is doing she should consider everything once again herself. But if this is what she wants me to do for her thn as a friend I am doing it.
ALso, the very few people she has shared her issue with has told her the same thing as you have posted. Because of what you have highlighted, that part in her scenario does ask a very big question and as you say gives a very big hint as well.
I have done what she asked me to do and that is post her situation here.
She is asking for everyones opinions right now but in the end the decision will be hers.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
There were some reasonable requests the bf made such as making spontaneous calls meeting unplanned etc. Looks like your friend was stubborn and did not comply. Maybe there is no compatibility. If there is they will work it out. we cant read the bf mind and tell you what his expectations are for a desi girl
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
Sup yo..i didn't read ya're whole thread but let me tell ya something. To me..it seems like personality issue. He is more social and outgoing pal and she is bit opposite. So ya it is time for our fella to hunt for new girl who is more like him. And in process...ya're friend will be happy with someone whom she thinks is her kind.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
Its not going to work...everything sounds so troubling.
If they're engaged or baat pakki or something like that and if they're dead set on marrying each other then they need pre-marital counseling.
Otherwise, it sounds like two teenagers who are not at all cut out for marriage right now.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
I stopped where it says '' A normal decent desi girl ' ..... bhoy O bhoy that is some big asking :D
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
Sometimes opposites attract, but in this case I can't even see what got these two together in the first place. And now with all the ultimatums and controlling issues, things don't bode well. Good luck to your friend.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
One more thing...there is too much of a demand between these two to "change".
If you don't like the person as they are now then you probably won't like them much later on either.
People do not change that drastically...they don't become someone else.
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
after reading this i can understand he wants a girl who meet with him go outside dress according to him so he can show off to his frnds etc and about basic expectation we know all nowdys what boys expextations are with their gfs sorry if im harsh but seriously every boy just want time pass .. and i suggest u not to change becoz if they want to contniue thr relation for marriage ..so if boy is serious he will never let her gf go like that he just try to convce thr parents etc but here he has broke with her and then call her how can ur frnd trust on him? she should ask clearly want he want i know she dont want to let him go but plz guide her becoz its matter of her whole life if some1 is doing this before relation how can he will serious for marriage?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
well i want to ask her what are expectations when u r engaged ?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
What baffles me is how did they manage to have a 2+ yrs of relationship during all this drama, immaturity, the urge to change each other?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
how old are they?
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
What baffles me is how did they manage to have a 2+ yrs of relationship during all this drama, immaturity, the urge to change each other?
what baffles me is how did you people manage to read all that :(
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
what baffles me is how did you people manage to read all that :(
What baffles me is why is it baffling for you that some of us can be bored to tears? :(
Re: Basic expecations in a relationship. HELP HELP HELP!
i am baffled at all these baffling boring stories that people read to get rid of boredom
it says “58 people like this” on that fb button on top of the page 