This is my first time posting on poetry. My urdu is not so good so bare with me lol
Here it Goes …Bismillah lol
Manga hai tujhe khuda se
Kuch nahi chahiye dunia se
Chahoo’n Teri baho mein bass jao
Teri ankho ka surma ban jao
aa apne hatho se Dawa Dede Mujhko
Isse Pehle ke mein mer jao.
Re: Bas Khuda Se
acha hai leo ji very good!:k:
Re: Bas Khuda Se
**Konsa Hashmi ka surna? 
Zara Dhiyan say itna barra surma… aankh hay jheel nahi hay!! 
**
Re: Bas Khuda Se
lol fara ji
Re: Bas Khuda Se
**Daikhoo zara … Kia zamana aa gya hay.. 
Koi kehta hay kash mein teray haseen haath ka kangan huta..
aur kisi ko surma ban-nay ka shoke hay…
aaj kal kay lerkay bhee na 
**
Re: Bas Khuda Se
aj kal ke larkey to astaghfirulla! tauba tauba lol
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Re: Bas Khuda Se
Damn i need to practice more and put more heart into my writing lolz
Re: Bas Khuda Se
good!.......................keep writing!:)
Re: Bas Khuda Se
Nyz… Its Nice… Its the Idea that counts… Qafia Radeef etc etc tou Practice se banda seekh hi leta hay… 
Well I am not good at This Shairi thing.. but.. Just wat I felt reading ur Poem..
Two things… Aik tou … Its Nazam… tou U dont have to worry much abt Qafia etc.. in first Verse U used KHUDA se and then DUNYA se… It seems that U wanted to have RHYME in it… Lekin actualy they are not similar Sound words.. Just Be careful a bit in the selection of words… Inshallah U will be gr8… :flower:
Doosri cheez… Normlay here in Roman… when there is NOON GHUNNA… we use “n” at the end… its better is U use “N” instead of small “n” that sounds noon Ghunaa
U used bas JAO… ban JAO.. jabkay actulay its… bas JaooN .. ban JaooN
I hope aap nay mind naheN kia mera Criticism..
Re: Bas Khuda Se
Yaar thanks a lot for the guidance. I really needed that lol. Thanks yea im not that used to of the urdu in roman. Actually i was not trying to rhyme khuda with dunia. The fact that i put “Se” end of both sentences made it sound pretty ok in my mind. Yea i need to practice more Rhyming in Urdu.
But i have been rhyming in english for a while now Il put up my New Song. Make sure u let me know what u think about it.
Re: Bas Khuda Se
Tujhse na Milna Bhi aZaab Ho gaya hai'n
Tujhse Milna Bhi tezaab(acid) Ho gaya Hai.n
Jabse Ami Ko humare Milne Ka Ehsaas Ho Gaya Hai.n
Re: Bas Khuda Se
Istmal karo gi to pata chal jaey ga?
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good attempt 
keep it up
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v. nice
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oh thank you.
Re: Bas Khuda Se
wah wah maza aagia MashaAllah jo kuch zhan main aaya uss he tarah likh mara tum nay … … hey i think u can send ur english poetry as well here …
don’t mind leekan meri rooh pahlay do misray parh kar tarap uthi … meray khyal main dosray misray main “maiN” laga daina chahiye to achi nazam ho jay gi jaisay …
Manga hai tujhe Ko KHuda Say
Aur kuch nahi chahiye
OR
Manga hai tujhe Ko Iss Dunya mein
Aur kuch nahi chahiye Khuda Say
Chahoo’n mein Teri baho mein Rahna
ChahooN meiN Teri ankhooN Main Basna
yaar iss baat key tou kuch samjh he naheen aai kay fouran “dawa” ka mutalba kar dia 
nazam kay ilawa seedhi tarah bhi issay parho to g chahta kay bus … … dawa lay kar bhi marna hay to kia zaroorat hay dawai key …
aa apne hatho se Dawa Dede Mujhko
Isse Pehle ke mein mer jao.
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Wah wah that was good. You have talent. I just need to read more urdu poetry so i can understand the formatt. I will make a thread for english poetry and il put up my writing there.
Re: Bas Khuda Se
Bas aik baar kerlo pyar
Thamle bhaho mein mere yaar
....im still working on it lolz