So my ami went to her home today… and her house was full with chachu, nand, phuppo and pata nahi kia kia. Now this badly turned off my mother as she is not used to of a large/family khandan.
Both my ami and sis liked her… now only issue left is her education and har waqt khandan k logun ka ana jana.
My ami said we can search 100 times better girl than her and say NO to me, but I am standing on my decision and i said i am gonna marry her not every person of her khandaan.
Is having a large family/khandaan is really an issue?
So you mom wants you to marry her? Or she doesn’t?. Which one is it? And if your mother really doesn’t approve of this girl 100% and you want to stand by this decision…then be prepared for little things like the issue with big khandaan to come up in the future.
Honestly it really doesn’t matter if anyone here has an issue with a large khandaan since none of us will be living with you. Your mother is turned off by it so that’s what you need to try to solve.
After the wedding, do you plan on living with your mother? If so then you need to have an open conversation with your future wife and ask her realistically, how often her entire khandaan will come over to your house. Be open with your future wife about how your mother feels regarding having a lot of family members around and see what her reaction is.
If you marry her you are taking the girl home not the khandhaan, I don't see what the issue is? Please communicate these concerns to your rishta prospect and keep the process as transparent as possible so she can make an educated decision.
I know that but my ami is insisting for an educated bahoo.
hmm
bilkul asal main shuru se hm logu ka apne relatives se ana jana kam he raha shyad islye ami ko comfortable feel nahi horaha barra khandaan na mujhe
ami said she looks good but her education and khandaan lifestyle do not match with our lifestyle. I daily keep her updated about the stuff, she is happily ready to whatever i or my mother would ask her to do, she even said no one from her khandaan visit us… i am not feeling good to hurt her so much and so badly by reiterating these issues now a days
this is what i am thinking… i would see if i can sort out this issue with my mother
I think your mum is trying to find any fault with her however small it is.
Education: your mum wants an educated bahu...your mum needs to understand that what we hope for and what Allah plans for us are 2 separate things. It seems to me the girl is willing to adjust and learn the ways of her new lifestyle. If your family are willing to accept and teach her then that is all that should matter
Her 'bara' kaandaan- this is something out of her control. She cannot change how many aunts and uncles she has. If anything it shows how her family have kept in touch with extended family. Also, once she marries you she will live with you...not them...
Bottom line is your mum is looking for any reason to not go ahead with this rista. I think you need to sit your mum down and talk about it and put across how you feel. They have already gone to see the girl inshallah everything will work out
If you’ve told your family that you’re going to marry the girl and not her entire khandan…you’re basically saying that it’s not an issue for you. In other words, you’ve already answered your own question.
Also, it seems to me that it’s your own khandaan (more than hers) that will create trouble for the girl after marriage since they seem to make a big deal over things that are not in her control…from her age to the way she looks, etc etc…and you’re bot helping matters by falling into doubt each time they do this. Seriously, it’s your own family you should be concerned about; not hers.
If u like her go for it, put ur foot down for her. But not just now, put it down for always and forever. If ur drawn to her then nothing else should matter.
So you mom wants you to marry her? Or she doesn’t?. Which one is it? And if your mother really doesn’t approve of this girl 100% and you want to stand by this decision…then be prepared for little things like the issue with big khandaan to come up in the future.