baree & jahez

[wishkamar]

@Pareezay

How do you get across to your parents in-law that you don’t want a baree and that you are not taking any jahez from your parents?
I have asked my parents to not give me any jahez, any clothes or things that I will take with me will be bought on my own, iA. And if I don’t want my parents going spending money on my jahez, I don’t think it’s fair for me to take baree from my inlaws either. I have always worked hard for anything that I want instead of depending on anyone else. This time around too, I feel it’s unfair for both set of parents to waste money on something like clothes, jewelry.. especially if my husband and I can afford them ourselves. I would rather have them save it for their use. It’s not like we are millionaires starting a new life but inshallah, we plan to establish our life together without putting any kind of pressure on our families. I spoke to my husband about it and he seems fine with it. Im also paying for most of my wedding, my wedding dress, etc much to the anger of my parents who want to contribute but I have told them no. I obviously cannot ask my inlaws to do the same but atleast ease some expectations off them.

So how do I tell them this? Im worried they might take it the wrong way, get offended or feel like Im upset about something. It’s a complicated issue especially when you’re dealing with your in-laws and don’t know what they will think. Any ideas?

Pareezay, this is EXACTLY how I shall do INSHALLAH when my times comes.

Now going back to read responses and take notes