Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens
fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain
and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face
turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her
forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying
mirror.
Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front - muumuus
with tummy-support panels are included.
Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet.
Soothe her sores with pumice stone and plasters, then slip on
soft terry mules.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow’s-feet and lip
lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie’s own
line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is
really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school
megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with mini van in
robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes
and fruit punch.
Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It’s time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a
change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the
doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new
red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B.
Includes a real tape of “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.”
Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house,
Ken’s car, and Ken’s boat.
Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with
the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of
dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings
religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and
a six-pack of Diet Coke.
Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is
sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube,
clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.
As a bonus this year, the book “Getting In Touch with Your Inner
Self” is included.
- “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched…but are felt in the heart.” *