Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters
The upper limit of pleasing your in-laws is to the extent that it does not displease your husband (only in the matters that involve your duty to him), the lower limit of giving disregard (not disrespect, but disregard to the in-laws is to the extent that your husband remains pleased with you, (in the matters that relate to your duties to God).
if pleasing the in-laws displeases you or if disregarding the in-laws pleases you … This is jihad of your nufs … As pleasing anyone else is a charity and a noble act and being insensitive to others is a form of isolation and denying of the test that is presented before you.
his role is much the same … With some variation
when it comes to wealth … His own parents have a right on his money. no one has a right on your money other than you. You have a right and your kids have a right on his money. If he gives to people who have a right over him he fulfils his duty … If you give to him, your parents or his parents this is doubly commendable. If you give to your own children it is the same as taking for yourself as the mother taking for her children is to be considered as not less selfless as it is for her to take for herself.
the role of the husband is to overlook the pressures on his wife regarding the dynamics of her relationship with her in-laws and focus on his personal relationship with her. He should exercise a balance that enables his rights to be met that his parents have over him and so his own wife is honoured by them. For if he is able to honour his parents then she will be given credit for allowing him to honour his parents. He should honour her parents and family and show justice and impartiality. He will be given a double credit for trying to help her parents out of a sense of compassion rather than duty.
In short he should not require his wife to feel obliged to be dutiful to his parents, he himself should be there for them … She should allow him to do be dutiful to them, but if she out of charity wishes to help them out on his behalf … She can do this … And he should feel humbled and thankful to his wife for doing that without expecting her to do more, rather he should always wish to return back to his position of being dutiful to his wife and parents when his situation allows him to do so.
wallahu’alim