Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

Society Religion & Philosophy
1

Salam all,

I have been trying to locate the islamic guidance on the role of in laws and how a muslim wife should be dealing with them. and , vice versa , how a muslim husband should be dealing with his in laws . What are the key responsiblities in this relationship with in laws .

Cant find any article giving details on this , please can someone offer any advise here?

Thanks

2

Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

:wsalam: & Peace CB,

As per my little knowledge I guess there is no direct verse/hadith talks about role of in-laws, however, the glorious Quran instruct a Muslim Women (wife) shall adhere the followings:

1- Reduce their vision
2- Guard their private parts
3- Not expose their adornment

Not expose their adornment except to their:
A- husband
B- Father
C- Husbands’ father,
D- Sons,
E- Husbands’ sons,
F- Brothers,
G- Brothers’ sons,
H- Sisters’ sons,
I- Their women or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of a woman.

Woman (wife) is responsibility of her Husband and her husband should take of his relatives i.e., his parents, brother and sister etc., as well as keep balance between them means give equal rights to each. His wife and his family members.

Same goes in vice-versa in case of a man and Quran also instruct the mens (husbands) to lower their gaze and guard their private parts when he confront in-laws. In short the in-laws are Na-Mehram for each others.

Almighty Allah knows best.

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Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

Apparently there is some literature on this stuff, but I don’t know direct references. Someone posted an article in Life1, take a look at it. There is advice on mother-in-laws, parent-in-laws, etc. Interestingly admonishing in-laws from interfering.

But of COURSE, WE WOULD NEVER DISCUSS THAT IN A MASJID.

:rolleyes:

Anyhoo, I dont know exact references, but I saw this in that article, so maybe there are hadeeth on this topic that no one likes to bring up. We just all want to focus on the hadeeth that delegate the housekeeping duties to women, and on how women should be seen and not heard. :k:

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Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

Respect them, take care of them like you want to be taken care of your parents, love them because they are your husbands parents.

What else is there? Why do we need a hadees for that?

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Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

Peace PCG,

Kindly provide a link of that thread, plz, will take a look at it :slight_smile: Furthermore, as TLK bhai said respect them b’coz of husband/wife’s relatives, otherwise its not the duty of husband/wife.

6

Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

I dont know about specific ahadeeth in this regard, but a male needs to be a perfect buffer Between his family and his wife (her family).

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Re: Balancing between wife and brothers and sisters

The upper limit of pleasing your in-laws is to the extent that it does not displease your husband (only in the matters that involve your duty to him), the lower limit of giving disregard (not disrespect, but disregard to the in-laws is to the extent that your husband remains pleased with you, (in the matters that relate to your duties to God).

if pleasing the in-laws displeases you or if disregarding the in-laws pleases you ... This is jihad of your nufs ... As pleasing anyone else is a charity and a noble act and being insensitive to others is a form of isolation and denying of the test that is presented before you.

his role is much the same ... With some variation

when it comes to wealth ... His own parents have a right on his money. no one has a right on your money other than you. You have a right and your kids have a right on his money. If he gives to people who have a right over him he fulfils his duty ... If you give to him, your parents or his parents this is doubly commendable. If you give to your own children it is the same as taking for yourself as the mother taking for her children is to be considered as not less selfless as it is for her to take for herself.

the role of the husband is to overlook the pressures on his wife regarding the dynamics of her relationship with her in-laws and focus on his personal relationship with her. He should exercise a balance that enables his rights to be met that his parents have over him and so his own wife is honoured by them. For if he is able to honour his parents then she will be given credit for allowing him to honour his parents. He should honour her parents and family and show justice and impartiality. He will be given a double credit for trying to help her parents out of a sense of compassion rather than duty.

In short he should not require his wife to feel obliged to be dutiful to his parents, he himself should be there for them ... She should allow him to do be dutiful to them, but if she out of charity wishes to help them out on his behalf ... She can do this ... And he should feel humbled and thankful to his wife for doing that without expecting her to do more, rather he should always wish to return back to his position of being dutiful to his wife and parents when his situation allows him to do so.

wallahu'alim