Re: Bad Pakistani guy, or just normal?
I’m so sorry that has happened to you. Not all Pakistani guys are like this. It’s a shame he used you like that. Clearly, he wasn’t practicing like he made himself out to be. If he truly cared about Islam, he would not have led you on like that. There is no such thing as a “halal relationship” nor “halal dating”. This is why these kind of relationships are forbidden in Islam, because on thing leads to another and in the end, you end up being hurt. I honestly feel so bad that he used you like this. Being new to Islam, you probably did not know of all this and he basically used you.
It’s a cultural thing. Culture and Islam are two different things. In Pakistani culture, it is acceptable to do a lot of things that aren’t Islamic. When culture and religion clash, choose Islam, because you will never go wrong with it.
As someone else mentioned, he sounds like the kind of guy who thinks it’s perfectly alright for a man to commit zina (adultery), but when a women does it, labels her as “unpure”. This is not the case, as it is forbidden for all Muslims, regardless of whether they are a man or woman. Again, the cultural aspect comes in to it. In Pakistan, if a man commits zina and that proposes to a woman, yes, it is looked down upon, but people are more likely to forget about it and accept the man’s proposal. If the same happened with a woman and she repented, became practicing, Pakistani society would find it extremely hard to move on. Mind you, this doesn’t just happen in Pakistani culture, it happens with Arabs, Indonesians, Malaysians, etc. This is why we should follow Islam, and not culture. A lot of things our culture tells us to do is the complete opposite of what Islam teaches us. A lot of the sahaba (companions) radhiAllah anhu had horrible pasts, but when Islam came, they left their jahilliya (ignorance) and began to practice Islam.
Sister, I love you for the sake of Allah. Please do not be fooled by these types of men, and turn to Allah. Insha’Allah you will be able to move on from this man. He is not worth you, you are worth so much more.
Regarding the sister, yes I would highly recommend that you let her know of what he has done to you. Would you want another innocent sister to go through the same thing you have gone through? It is the reverts that are unaware of the ploys of these types of men, and fall into their traps. Another sister I know online had married an Arab brother, unaware of his intentions. She gave him everything, and what did he do in return? When he got the citizenship, he left her. This is why it is taught in Islam to marry a man based on his deen. Doing so will save you in the future, and it is better for your akhirah as well. Let her know, it is your duty to warn her. It will not be considered as gossiping because your intention (insha’Allah) is only to save the sister from going through the same thing as you. Please let her know.
Also, please watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzy4i1toMvc
This is a channel on youtube that makes videos about different situations that people have gone through. Do watch the video insha’Allah and remember me in your dua.
Assalamu 'alaikum.
