Re: Backing away from the family
The biggest disappointers tend to be relatives. I have seen weird comments/attitudes from them even during moments of happiness. OP, reduce your expectations of them so you don’t get hurt so easily in the future.** The people who are not there for you in times of difficulty…might actually be an annoying, meddlesome presence if they were to offer support or get involved.** Put more of your faith and trust in Allah who has all power. People…even cousins…are limited and weak and will let you down. Based on the experiences that I have had over time, I prefer to keep a polite distance with many relatives. I just don’t think it’s wise to get too close or too emotionally attached. I feel that you have to develop a tougher skin and be careful about what and how much you reveal. If it’s a cousin that I was close with, I think I would let them know that I was surprised that I didn’t hear from her. And I have actually done that…but it’s only with the ones I am more close to. If they are sincere with you, they’ll realize their mistakes and they may explain why they’ve been MIA. If it’s a cousin that I’m not that close…I don’t think I’d say anything about it.
But relatives are such that even if you decide to “back away” from them, they will complain about you being distant and aloof. There will always be something or the other to complain about…some carelessness or the other…it won’t cease, OP. That’s why I say lower your expectations, and if you help them do it only for Allah and expect your reward from Him…don’t expect anything from your relatives because they will let you down. It’s not easy to adopt this detached attitude… (I still have to learn it)…you have to push yourself to think in this way; you have to redirect your thoughts or adjust your frame of mind.
This. My siblings and I have a weird relationship with our family on both sides because of some ongoing $$ disputes that our elders had which carried on down through the generations. We used to be hurt a lot by it because they were never there for us but that’s what I realized quickly. If they’re not there for you in the bad times, they’re not worth pursuing a relationship with AND most of the time, these same people will dampen and ruin a happy moment too.