A desi co-worker/friend’s wife is expecting. I heard about it from my wife as the news in the community spreads fast. (DUH) Now, I tried to bring up the topic a couple of times but as he never mentioned it to me directly, so I didn’t think it was necessary for me to congratulate him & stuff. Well, we were chatting in the break room this morning and this female gori coworker walks in and starts congratulating him and asking him all kinds of questions. I was taken by surprise and I couldn’t say anything but “heyyyy I didn’t know, congratulations!! .. “ Yeah, really embarrassed. Especially when the gori co-worker went on and on with me about how come I didn’t know about it
At least in my circle of acquaintances it is very normal for Desi friends to not share this information, even if it is obviously out in the open. They go on and talk about it with their non-desi friends all the time.
Now, this xmas break I am bound to mingle with this other distant relative of mine whom I know is expecting. I don’t expect him to bring it up either .. so when is it appropriate to bring this topic up directly & in what way? In other words, I don’t want to feel like a jack ass again.
say something like “man your wife is putting on pounds faster than a sperm whale” and then when your friend clarifies that they are pregnant say "oh … oh mna… m so sorry… i didnt know… congratulations… way to go … "
no i think its a desi thing..cuz once i asked if my aunt was pregnant infront of like my whole family n everyone gave me looks like i said something BAD
It is part of Pakistani culture and thus FOBs are more likely to be that way (me included). I have a couple of ABCD friends who called up and told me about the new joy in their life, which makes life a lot easier the next time you see ‘em.
The question is not why it happens, but what to do about it!
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*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
well, what's the rationale?
If I was pregnant, I would be offended if people ignored it. In fact, I'd probably point to my tummy and say "hey, haven't you noticed, you rude ... "
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I guess if they haven't told you about it and they dont want to discuss it given that they are following Desi-fob mentality or whatever, then don't discuss it. As the gori comes into the room and talks to your friend about it, just smile and nod...smile and nod...
I thought pregnancy is something very exciting both for husband and wife. What's there to hide? Shouldn't you be happy and annoucing to friends and family?
And whatsup with sharing the news with a gori, but not a fellow Pakistani? This reminds me of how I see practicing Muslim guys talking to non-Muslim larkian, but when it comes to us, they don't even make eye-contact, as if we're gonna start hitting on them.
If I were you, I'd act as if I didn't know and would make him feel stupid for not sharing.
Don't bother bringing it up with your family friends. If they don't feel comfortable then it's their problem.
Ajeeb hi mentality hai... bilkul samajh say baahir!
For some reason..........if he feels uncomfortable to bring it up and tell you about this, you shouldnt feel embarrased. Infact, pressure him that why he never told you about this before and the whole gora crew know this .
Ask your wife to congratulate your friend's wife in presence of You and your friend. You can take it on from there. Believe me females are good @ it and your wife can even congratulate your friend directly and that will make it more easy for you :)
It is a social taboo to talk about pregnancy in Pak and thus the mentality carries over to ppl who come here. Just don't mention it at all or start a new trend by congratulating the FOB :D
it is silly. ami still is uncomfortable when my brothers ask when someone is due, etc. this is only supposed to be women's talk! the baby just happens!
^ The baby just doesn’t happen! Baby is sent by Allah, mother gets out of the room, runs outside in the frontyard or “braamda”, cuts the rope that Allah was hanging the baby with, and brings him/her inside
Ahmad If I were you, I wouldn’t congratulate him. If he didn’t tell me, why should I congratulate him? If anyone says “oh well, he’s your friend, you are still supposed to congratulate him even if he didn’t tell you” then I would ask “Was I not his friend? Did he not think of me as a friend to share this good news to?” He doesn’t have to say “My wife is pregnant”, all he has to say is “I am going to become a father”, it’s not that hard.
My friend (male) and another friend (female) were married and they recently had a baby. I haven’t visited them yet nor have I seen their baby. Why? Because the male friend called EVERYONE but me on the day the baby was born. I understand that it’s not baby’s fault, but her dad’s an idiot. His wife called me and asked me why I didn’t come to see the baby (I had congratulated her) and I told her the reason: If I can call her and her hubby SEPERATELY on little occasions such as when they invited at our house, or if they are invited at an iftaar, I am sure the hubby can call me to share this BIG and GOOD news. She understood me.
So in conclusion, he didn’t bother to share this news with me, no congratz for him. He had A LOT of chances to tell me, including the eid day when he met me. How can one forget such big news? Anyway, call me an A-hole or whatever, but that’s the way I am. Tit for Tat :rotato:
I think it has a lot to do with being shy or maybe hayaa.Ofcourse its natural, people have babies, its normal.However, most guys/girls are often a bit shy to discuss it openly.I had one friend who turned into a tomato everytime we joked about her pregnancy.
I know that most people use terms such as so and so is in a delicate condition or bimaar.But I think it all goes back to the mentality of what is or isnt appropirate to discuss openly.
ahmadjee-- Maybe you could start off with a joke.Such as how its your friends turn to be a daddy or something.I dont think theres any harm in mentioning you know or have heard from your wife.
… 
ouch