I want to discuss a serious topic that some guys, including myself, struggle with. While talking to some women I know, I couldn’t maintain eye contact for long. My eyes drift toward their chest. It is completely involuntary. Not a creep, nor want to make the women I’m talking to uncomfortable, and women seem to get it but I feel very embarrassed nevertheless. A while back, I went out for lunch along with my supervisor and some other people. My supervisor’s wife also joined in casual clothes. I tried not to look while answering her questions but my eyes went there again and I was embarrassed. How do other guys cope with this?
Focus on topic/conversation perhaps? You are acknowledging that you checked her out and felt embarrassed, i think a lot of men would check and not acknowledge it at all.
Either way I think its all up in the head. Its very controllable
1) Remind yourself that "Lower thy gaze" doesn't mean lower your gaze to body parts that Islam has defined as part of one's awrah. It means lower them to the ground cuz eventually all of us will be buried 6 feet under it.
2) Wear sunglasses indoors. Tell people you're blind.
3) Look upwards toward the heavens. They'll wonder what you're looking at. Pretty soon everyone will look upward and nobody will be looking at any chests.
4) Imagine their husbands catching you and the dhishum dhishum that can follow.
5) Don't discriminate. Look at the men's chests too, so that they feel less offended.
6) Imagine how distasteful it is to us when someone does that to the women of our own household.
Out of these 6 options.....I suggest # 1 in conjunction with # 6. And then # 3 for more support.
The reference from Surat-ul-Noor verse 29, "Momin mardon se kahiyey keh wo apni nigahein neechi rakha karein"..
and so our values should prevent us to even look at their eyes in bazar, offices or family functions etc.. there should BE sharam/haya in OUR eyes..
also this can be the waswasa of satan which forces you to look.. so do recite "Auzubillah Himinashaitaunirajeem" before looking at them or starting any convo.. and ask ALLAH to bless you with power of controlling your mind and eyes.. InshaALLAH you will get rid of it soon..
It certainly doesn’t happen regardless. It happens when something is drawing my attention there, could be a text written there or some necklace hanging there. Or in the case of my supervisor’s wife, it was the top itself.
Yup, I pay attention to the conversation, but still it happens subconsciously. It is similar to normal blinking of an eye. I can control it for a few seconds but subconsciously it will blink. It may be in my head because it does not happen with random women who I would talk to, but the ones I have known for a bit. Work in progress4me to fix this.
Like I said, that does make me embarrassed and within seconds I would look away but trying that it just doesn’t happen because I don’t want to come across as a creep. You are right about other points except for #2:mudhosh: but I hope people would differentiate b/w something voluntary and involuntary. Whenever my supervisor disapproves of something I did, my mind slightly wonders if it could be because of that.
[quote=““Hakuna Matata””]
The reference from Surat-ul-Noor verse 29, “Momin mardon se kahiyey keh wo apni nigahein neechi rakha karein”..
and so our values should prevent us to even look at their eyes in bazar, offices or family functions etc.. there should BE sharam/haya in OUR eyes..
also this can be the waswasa of satan which forces you to look.. so do recite “Auzubillah Himinashaitaunirajeem” before looking at them or starting any convo.. and ask ALLAH to bless you with power of controlling your mind and eyes.. InshaALLAH you will get rid of it soon..
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Good points. Will definitely give it a try. When it happens I’m like
I think most men would agree to being guilty of occasional wandering eye, but as long as you acknowledge that it is distasteful and inappropriate, and do not involve in this practice knowingly, habitually and obsessively, then its ok, you could forgive yourself and work towards trying mind-distraction and other self-control coping strategies to avoid any such behaviour as much as possible in the future.
I will admire any man who claims never to have stared at a woman’s chest ever in his life, but I couldn’t say that about myself.
