Average Aslam thrilled with inclusion in Pak team for Indian tour
By our average correspondent
Bhattian: As the final squad for Pakistans cricket tour of India was announced today, the reactions of those chosen to represent Pakistan were understandably that of jubilation. However, in one household in Sammasatta, Punjab - the reaction was that of disbelief and utter fascination. For it is from this town in Punjab, known usually for such famous sites as its beautiful railway junction, that the Pakistan selectors have chosen one of the newest members of the squad. This player has been named as 38 year old Aslam Khan, who plays for Punjab Railways B Team. According to unnamed anonymous sources, he was informed of his selection yesterday at 10:07am, by a call from the chairman of selectors , Wasim Boring.
Today, Aslams house in downtown Sammasatta wore a festive look as hordes upon hordes of well wishers, onlookers and their cattle surrounded the property. Banners hastily erected in front of the house depict pictures of Aslam in his favourite T-shirt and dhotti ( sarong type clothing worn in Punjab ). As kids and elders danced to the latest Boney-M number, people jostled to have a view of the local hero. The mood was of unbridled joy and as a town elder put it succinctly, “Aslamay Nay to kamal kitta, Dhotti phar kay roomal Kitta !! Oi Hoi, Aye Hai” (translation. The inclusion of one Aslam Khan of this town has brought untold good fortune to our community and we demand more money for TheSourceNews, our donation lines are now open and operators are standing by to accept your payments)
As Aslam relaxed on a sofa in his living room cum bedroom cum kitchen with his 10 brothers on his side, we were amazed by his sense of down to earthiness, which is in direct contrast to many other cricketers in our country and that ENGLISH coach in particular. When asked about his achievements so far, he is very modest “I only played 3 matches this season as the main bowlers were afflicted by typhoid and I missed most of the matches due to an injury caused by inhalation of fumes at a local garbage processing facility. I mean my average is 135 - in bowling that is, and batting - well I didn’t too well this year ( avg= 0.0987) - I also make a mean glass of Lassi - that may have helped my cause”. When told that he had been picked as a batting all-rounder, Aslam is naturally shy to blow his own trumpet “I hope I will do like Irfan Pathan Bhai did”.
Our sports correspondent adds:
Aslam Khans inclusion has caused a ripple of excitement in Pakistani fans who now patiently await the arrival of Pakistans newest prodigy. One such young fan from Little kiddies Kindergarten in Lahore claimed “Isn’t this how Tendulkar was also picked up ? near an ice cream van ? I mean, we have the most talented players in our team and Aslams inclusion is no surprise”. he further added that those opposed to Aslams inclusion are enemies of Pakistan and must be dealt with accordingly.
At the PCB, the mood was of utter and undisguised hysteria. As PCB executives danced to the famous Punjabi tune “Ballay Ballay” (translation: Ballay Ballay ), it was clear that Pak cricket had reached a major milestone. Wasim Boring ,the PCB Chairman ( freshly out of therapy from Mayo clinic ) had this to say “Due to our revolutionary selection process, the element of doubt has been removed and we have now picked potential match winners”. When this correspondent pointed out that Aslams record of 11 successive ducks and 200 no balls was a record many would question, Boring interrupted by saying that he did not see the relevance of such simplistic analysis - he then fainted and was readmitted to the Mayo where he remains, again, under observation.
Finally, when questioned Bob Woolly, Pakistans ENGLISH/FORIEGN coach ( who is paid in US dollars and enjoys such perks as knee operations ), declined to comment on this saying that although he did see a role for Aslam in the Pak team, using him as a player was stretching it a little too far.
[TheSourceNews]
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