Auraton ka kaam

[akaprincess]

I just had a conversation with my dad and it pissed me off.
My mom is really sick, she has nurses that come home to take care of her, and cuz of that, my dad has started doing more around the house. Including cooking. He says “ab auraton ke kaam naseeb mein hai”.
Wtf. His wife is so sick that she cant, otherwise she was the only one who ever did. Now that she needs his help, hes giving taane that he has to do “women’s work”. So a man cooking is an act below him?

[LP]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@akaprincess

So a man cooking is an act below him?

Only if that’s the thought process he was raised up on. Our Prophet (Pbuh) helped around the house.

[akaprincess]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@LP

Only if that’s the thought process he was raised up on. Our Prophet (Pbuh) helped around the house.

Really stupid thought process

[Bobby1]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

Lots of top chefs on the planet are males.

[IndiGo_Rain]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@akaprincess

I just had a conversation with my dad and it pissed me off.
My mom is really sick, she has nurses that come home to take care of her, and cuz of that, my dad has started doing more around the house. Including cooking. He says “ab auraton ke kaam naseeb mein hai”.
Wtf. His wife is so sick that she cant, otherwise she was the only one who ever did. Now that she needs his help, hes giving taane that he has to do “women’s work”. So a man cooking is an act below him?

I agree in that your dad’s soch is wrong. However, you have a choice in either dwelling only on the negative or also opening your eyes to the positives in the situation. If your dad is contributing financially toward the nurses, then MashaAllah that’s commendable of him. He comes from a culture and especially a generation where men typically don’t do household chores and they are seen as strictly a woman’s responsibility. It can be difficult to eradicate notions one has grown up with much less to remove these notions from society. It takes time to change a mindset and it can be challenging. But Alhumdolillah nevertheless he IS helping around the house more often…which is something he is not accustomed to. Have you tried praising him for his efforts? That might give him some food for thought or introspection. Whenever we start doing something that we are not in the habit of doing …whether it’s exercising, or going to work, or whatever…it’s human nature moan and groan and gripe about it. Apne abu ki soch agar tum badalna chahti ho, to himmat kar k unhe bataao k you are proud of him for the effort he’s showing and that doing such chores is part of sunnah. Look for the good points in your dad, OP. We become hasty in creating threads and venting and saying “wtf” which is an abbreviated gaali and for whom? The same parents who have done so much for us and are flawed human beings like every other person. It would be a lot worse if he gave taanay AND refused to help. May Allah grant your mother shifaa soon and relieve you of your worries; Amin.

[LP]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@IndiGo_Rain

May Allah grant your mother shifaa soon and relieve you of your worries; Amin.

Aameen

[Doppleganger]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

His princess should be cooking for his majesty, the king.

[SID_NY]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

Time for power puff girls to show up..

Sadda haq… Ithay rakh..

[S_Punk]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@akaprincess

I just had a conversation with my dad and it pissed me off.
My mom is really sick, she has nurses that come home to take care of her, and cuz of that, my dad has started doing more around the house. Including cooking. He says “ab auraton ke kaam naseeb mein hai”.
Wtf. His wife is so sick that she cant, otherwise she was the only one who ever did. Now that she needs his help, hes giving taane that he has to do “women’s work”. So a man cooking is an act below him?

If I can offer you some advice - rather than dwelling on the negativity you might find in that statement, perhaps you can educate him and change his viewpoint. There are a lot of hadith about our Prophet (PBUH) that show he helped his wives/did his own chores etc. Sometimes when you grow up in a certain culture, with strict gender roles, it’s difficult to try and see it any other way. Understand that his mother, and grandmother and great-grandmother all had strict gender roles. It’s very difficult to confront a truth that goes against your beliefs, and to have to adapt to that truth. Idk about your relationship with your father, but discussing things like this is key to helping change someone’s views.

[akaprincess]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@S_Punk

If I can offer you some advice - rather than dwelling on the negativity you might find in that statement, perhaps you can educate him and change his viewpoint. There are a lot of hadith about our Prophet (PBUH) that show he helped his wives/did his own chores etc. Sometimes when you grow up in a certain culture, with strict gender roles, it’s difficult to try and see it any other way. Understand that his mother, and grandmother and great-grandmother all had strict gender roles. It’s very difficult to confront a truth that goes against your beliefs, and to have to adapt to that truth. Idk about your relationship with your father, but discussing things like this is key to helping change someone’s views.

Its not that I’m dwelling on the negative, what he does for her is commedable and there is alot he does. But in the same breath he does things for her, he also gives taane on having to do it.

Reasoning with him is hard cuz he doesnt see that this is her right over him. Just as it was when he was sick a couple of years ago and she would take care of him the same way. She never gave him taane or anything like that.

It makes me sad when he gives taane cuz he really does do alot, and no is denying that, but whats the need for him to be negative?

[akaprincess]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@IndiGo_Rain

I agree in that your dad’s soch is wrong. However, you have a choice in either dwelling only on the negative or also opening your eyes to the positives in the situation. If your dad is contributing financially toward the nurses, then MashaAllah that’s commendable of him. He comes from a culture and especially a generation where men typically don’t do household chores and they are seen as strictly a woman’s responsibility. It can be difficult to eradicate notions one has grown up with much less to remove these notions from society. It takes time to change a mindset and it can be challenging. But Alhumdolillah nevertheless he IS helping around the house more often…which is something he is not accustomed to. Have you tried praising him for his efforts? That might give him some food for thought or introspection. Whenever we start doing something that we are not in the habit of doing …whether it’s exercising, or going to work, or whatever…it’s human nature moan and groan and gripe about it. Apne abu ki soch agar tum badalna chahti ho, to himmat kar k unhe bataao k you are proud of him for the effort he’s showing and that doing such chores is part of sunnah. Look for the good points in your dad, OP. We become hasty in creating threads and venting and saying “wtf” which is an abbreviated gaali and for whom? The same parents who have done so much for us and are flawed human beings like every other person. It would be a lot worse if he gave taanay AND refused to help. May Allah grant your mother shifaa soon and relieve you of your worries; Amin.

I always tell him how he is doing so well and that God may help him to go through this.. its not about that. The main point is, if she can tale care of him when hes sick, why cant he do that without grumbling about it? And that too so openly, even to her. Its not fair to her.

Its their relationshop and all, but as the daughter it hurts me to see her so sick in the first place, and then have him, help alot, yes thank god for that, nut in the same breath, do jatana about it that he owes her and whatnot, its not right.

[Bobby1]

Re: Auraton ka kaam

@akaprincess

I always tell him how he is doing so well and that God may help him to go through this.. its not about that. The main point is, if she can tale care of him when hes sick, why cant he do that without grumbling about it? And that too so openly, even to her. Its not fair to her.

Its their relationshop and all, but as the daughter it hurts me to see her so sick in the first place, and then have him, help alot, yes thank god for that, nut in the same breath, do jatana about it that he owes her and whatnot, its not right.

I totally agree and understand what you are saying, it is very hurtful to see that a woman who dedicated her entire life to serve someone, give him children, raise them and not being appreciated. When people say that this is cultural, I don’t agree with that. My wifes BIL took care of her dying sis in such an amazing way that it was more than anyone can expect. he would show her kindness, love and would stay up all night without ever complaining and would shower her with love. Good for you to tell him that, he is not a child and it really is not your job to educate him.