Without getting into too much detail about myself, I’ve noticed a pattern of things going wrong in my life. I’m talking about everything from school to work life, personal friendships and relationships to even complete strangers behaving in a certain negative way toward me.
The elders in my life say that i’m too naive and gullible, and people can pick up on that and easily take advantage of me and walk all over me, but I don’t quite know how to change that. While it’s true that I do have a hard time saying no to people, I’ve also been told by many that I have a very intimidating presence and have been told that i 'look like a b!tch (as in, evil witch, not the other kind)
Has this happened to anyone else over here? That you’re always nice to others, try to look out for them, do good by people but always end up in the midst of some drama or an ongoing saga of unhappiness, stress, and troubles?
I am at a loss and need to know how in the heck I could fix this and stop attracting so many crazies and so much negativity.
I think I'm too nice on one hand and people take advantage, and then they keep taking advantage, until I eventually burst, and go off on them. I am confrontational and direct. A stranger - I'll put them in their place immediately, but I have a soft spot for friends, so they hurt me and hurt me and hurt me and whereas other people would just be like "um...no", and move on, I allow myself to get hurt, and then when I've had enough, I burst like a volcano --> people see that and freak out, and so then your other relationships get negatively impacted.
Key is: Be confident, don't let people walk all over you, certainly do not be TOO nice, and then you'll see people will run after you, esp the insecure ones.
But once you get close to people and let them see your vulnerabilities, it's all over.
Without getting into too much detail about myself, I've noticed a pattern of things going wrong in my life. I'm talking about everything from school to work life, personal friendships and relationships to even complete strangers behaving in a certain negative way toward me.
**The elders in my life say that i'm too naive and gullible, and people can pick up on that and easily take advantage of me and walk all over me, but I don't quite know how to change that. While it's true that I do have a hard time saying no to people, I've also been told by many that I have a very intimidating presence and have been told that i 'look like a b!tch (as in, evil witch, not the other kind)
**
Has this happened to anyone else over here? That you're always nice to others, try to look out for them, do good by people but always end up in the midst of some drama or an ongoing saga of unhappiness, stress, and troubles?
I am at a loss and need to know how in the heck I could fix this and stop attracting so many crazies and so much negativity.
These are two conflcting opinions about you, do people perceive you to be too nice or do they get intimidated?
There was a time a felt the way you did, though at that time, my response was, who cares, if someone doesn't like me he can **** ***.
However, what helped me was comapny of couple of very old high school friends who are extremely good in their social skills and i learned a lot from them. If you can find one like that it can be very valuable. Let them critique you and change ur behavior. I found that it helped me a lot and met at ease with dealing with people and i could get my things done much more easily. However, one tends to drift off to old ways with passage of time and when i feel like that i go back to my old companions for a refereshment.
This is really just your perception. I used to feel the same way at times before but came to a realization that life is tough, our world does have evil people, and that sometimes there is no such thing as good or bad as good for one person, can be bad for another. So perhaps, it's time to stop over thinking positive, negative, good or bad and just do things that keep your heart content and do things for others regardless of what you will get out of it and move on.
You need to cleanse your thought process and be grateful for what you have. Acknowledge the blessings around you and more blessings will come your way. I'm not trying to dismiss whatever experiences you have. I believe they are real and you probably have had to deal with a lot of unfortunate situations. You have to change your thinking though.
Believe me, changing your mindset is not easy and is incredibly challenging, but it can be done.
It's ok to say "no" to some people. It's ok to say "no" in situations where you know the outcome will negatively affect your self-esteem or sense of self worth.
You need to figure that out first ... what is your self worth?
One thing that happened to me is that I went from one extreme to the other. I recently realized that it is vital to forgive people for whatever they did to you so that you can heal and move forward in a positive way. There is no use in just "letting it go". You will continue to hold on to bitterness and anger of whatever happened in your past experiences. It will hinder your development and growth as a person, bringing you more negative experiences when you really want something positive to happen in your life.
You should take assertiveness classes or something. Seriously, they can be a big help, my sister's taken a few and it's really changed her outlook on life
